How does it
feel the day before my son’s wedding?
Exciting! But I also have an
over-arching anxiety that things will go well and he will have happy memories
of this special day. I am thrilled to be
seeing far-flung family members, but also anxious that everyone will get along
together and not cause a scene. I know I
can’t be the only one who feels the tension when extended family comes together. My daughter is in the skies even as I type
this….in an airplane high above the earth, zooming along at speeds exceeding
hundreds of miles per hour……and in light of the scary news stories of airplane
bombs, crashes, and disasters…..I am a nervous wreck and will be until she is
safely on the ground again. I have
family driving in from 2 ½ hours away and I pray for their safety during the
trip as well. I pray for teenagers who
have nasty, selfish attitudes and think that everything is about them…..when
all I want is for this special day to be all about my son and his new
wife. I am holding my breath that they
don’t cause ugly scenes.
I am excited
that my son has found his love….they have dated for a little over 4 years and have
been engaged for the last year. He is
genuinely happy and excited about starting his new life as a married man. He has
been wanting to wear his wedding ring since he got it a couple of weeks
ago and he has proudly texted me pictures of their wedding license…..all signed
and ready to be official tomorrow afternoon as soon as the vows are exchanged!
I have been
running around, trying to make sure that I look presentable and will not embarrass
my son or family and I want to look as nice as possible because wedding pictures
will be around forever. I have been
dieting like a fiend for over a month and haven’t eaten carbs in weeks and
weeks. I got my nails done last night, I
picked out fancy shoes, I have the dress pressed and hanging in the closet and
the rest of my clothes and spanx in the suitcase. I Have experimented with make-up (and ended
up looking like a hooker with black eyes) and I have experimented with my hair….which
is basically hopeless at this point. My
approach to hair care is basically…I wash it and comb it and whatever it does
is whatever it does. It will not submit
to curlers, flatteners, or even bobby pins.
After 48 years of fussing with it, I have learned: it is what It is….which is usually some thing
between scare-crow and flat-head-Fred.
I have a new purse to carry that matches my new shoes. I have even worn the shoes at home while
doing housework to try to get used to wearing a high-heel….but that might be
hopeless. I will at least make it
through the ceremony…..but my body was not built to be carried around on
stiletto heels. (Not that my new heels
are in any fashion “stiletto”….they are a very sensible 2 ½ inch heel….but they
feel 10 feet tall to me…..because I tend to stick to comfortable old-lady orthopedic type shoes
that more resemble Brogans than fashionable footwear. But, surely I can manage to get through a
2 hour period with the shoes on my feet without tripping or breaking an
ankle. Surely. Please????
I had to get
my dog ready to go to the kennel for the duration of our trip to Nashville and
our post-wedding cruise with the kids. I
bagged up her dog-food last night and she was SOOO excited about that. She kept looking at me with her little head cocked
to the side, as if to ask me, “Mommy…..whattcha doin with my food?” But it is bagged, tagged, and ready to go! I had to love on her a little extra this
morning and give her a few extra hugs and belly-rubs. I know she doesn’t understand that I was
telling her that I would miss her…..but she did lick my chin and act like I was
her favorite person EVER. Does anybody
else cry when they say good bye to their dog for a week? I’m afraid I’m becoming one of those crazy
ladies.
Speaking of
crying…I’ve done way too much of THAT this week. I made a little locket for Jaron to wear
inside his label during his wedding….it has a picture of my Grandmother – our Mamaw. I know she would be so proud of him and
would have been there, sitting on the front row, cheering him on if she was
still with us. This way, she will be
there with him – right over his
heart. I got all choked up,
thinking about her…thinking about him….and missing and grieving. Grief gets better with time, but it never
quiet goes away. All it takes is one thought, one smell, one memory…..and I’m
crying like Niagara Falls.
So, what do I
do next? Look back through all of Jaron’s baby pictures…remembering the day he
was born and the day I brought him home from the hospital….the day he was potty
trained, the day he started kindergarten, the day he got expelled from
kindergarten, the day we were told that he would have to repeat kindergarten
because of his behavior issues, the day he FINALLY started first grade, the day
he learned to ride a bike, the days we laughed at his crazy antics and jokes,
the days we cried with frustration over his behavior and the consequences of
his poor choices, the nights we stood over his bed while he was sleeping –
praying for him. And of course, I
cried. Big- Ugly cried. Snot-flying, face-swelling-up-eyes-red –for-days
cried.
I cried
because of all the past pain, all the past joy, all the past moments in
between. I cried because I miss that little freckle-faced boy……and because I’m
so happy that little freckle-faced boy is now a 6’2” young man. I cried because
I am so happy that he has found peace and happiness and purpose. I cried because I love him with a love so
fierce.
I am a hot
mess of crying. I need to get a grip….because
I’m running out of make-up and Kleenex and I’m about to wash the contacts right
out of my eyeballs with all these dumb tears!
I’m not sad in the least – I am thrilled! And happy!
And excited! And
anticipating! And, and, and, and, and………
The funny thing is that I'm not the only one in our family who is all twitter-pated. Steve freaked out last night....sending Jaron a message to set his alarm clock to get up this morning in order to check into his flight for Saturday morning at 7:40am. Turns out.....Jaron doesn't HAVE a 7:40am flight to Nashville tomorrow morning - he is already IN Nashville. Only Steve and I have a flight at 7:40am tomorrow morning - to get us TO Nashville! Hahahahaha!!! I'm not the only one excited!!! :)
How many
minutes until tomorrow?
