Style...I need a new STYLE!!!

I have come to realize that I have no distinct “style” at all. I recently went through my closet and tried on every piece of clothing I owned. I gave away 6 Hefty Bags full of clothes to my sister. After losing almost 70 pounds, I don’t have that much that fits me anymore. During this “clothes trying on” session, I came to realize that most of the clothing I buy is loose, baggy and “comfortable.” I don’t really have anything that’s stylish or happening.

I guess part of the issue was that when I was so large, the LAST thing I wanted to do was call attention to my body. As long as I was covered up, I was happy. I always sing the refrain, “Modest is Hottest!” and I do believe it….but I also hide behind it. Is it really immodest to show your knee caps or your arms above the elbow? Not so much. But when you are 300+ pounds, it’s just not an appealing thought. I mean, I’d LOVE to wear a tank-top in the summer time, but the thought of my upper arm fat “bat-wings” flapping in the wind is a pretty strong deterrent. Same issue with my legs….when your knee caps have knee caps and your calves have their own zip codes: longer dresses and long pants just feel safer.

But now……now I am feeling a little bit ready to venture out into the world of fashion. Now, I’m not talking Lady Gaga fashion or Channel or anything like that. I just simply want a “style” to call my own. Something classy….timeless…and something that looks pulled together and not just thrown-on. My favorite styles I guess fall under the category of “Vintage.” I love, love, love the dresses from the 1940’s and 1950’s! Kind of a mixture of “I Love Lucy” meets “Happy Days” meets “Leave it to Beaver.” The bad thing about it is, I end up more in the “Aunt Bea from Mayberry” category if I’m not careful. Yes. I tend to look very FRUMPY and old-lady-ish if I’m not careful.

I’d love nothing better than to wear dresses with cap-sleeves, dainty waistlines and flared skirts with pretty pumps and a string of pearls, a cloche hat and a pair of white gloves. Of course, this is a style that looks PERFECT on a tall willowy model….and on me: Aunt Bea Frumpy. Now, don’t get me wrong….I do love me some Aunt Bea! And I think she was a marvelous cook with a big heart and she was a very loving character….but she wasn’t the prettiest or most attractive gal in Mayberry. Some days, I just want to feel pretty. Like Maria in ‘West Side Story’!!! I want to sing, “I feel pretty! O so pretty!” And instead, most days….I look in the mirror and with a heavy sigh whisper to myself, “Well, I guess that will have to do.”

I’m on the road to making peace with my body. I’m exercising and I’m amazed at how much stronger I’m becoming. My body is shrinking, but with the shrinkage comes sag-age as well. My skin is not as “elastic” as it used to be and doesn’t spring back. The newly discovered lines and wrinkles on my face don’t really bother me…I feel like I’ve earned those. Even the crows feet (that resemble pterodactyl feet some mornings) lining my eyes aren’t all that awful and bothersome. But the saggy skin under my arms and my boobies that now look like 2 grapefruits swinging at the end of very long tube socks when I lean over….well, that is another story altogether. Talk about a confidence shaker! Haha!

Anyway. I digress. (I know, it’s shocking, right??)  I am not on the search for some sense of my own personal “style.” I don’t quite know what that looks like yet. I have been looking on Pinterest and I found several outfits and dresses that appeal to me….but I’m not sure how that would translate in real life. Clothing tends to look different on models than on my Rubenesque and curvy countenance. (Rubenesque sounds so much prettier than Plus-Size, doesn’t it?)  I’ve been looking in magazines, browsing catalogues, scoping out the clothing in stores, looking on Pinterest, noticing what other women are wearing……and I’m trying to piece together some semblance of how I want to look.

Even though my size is much smaller than it was, in my head….I still feel very large; this makes me wary of so many types of clothing. My mind set: Nothing with a dropped waist or pheasant style (They look like maternity tops on me!). Nothing fitted. Elastic waistbands. Muted or dark monotone colors. I have to get over this mindset, or else everything I chose will still be too big, too boxy and not-flattering….and I end right back up at FRUMPY again.

I also want to experiment with makeup! I bought some new eye-shadow that supposedly formulated to enhance blue eyes. I tried it on this morning….but I can’t decide if it makes me look eye-enhanced… or like Sadie the Painted Lady. There has to be a balance to strike between the two extremes. I guess the problem is that I never really learned how to apply make-up “the right way.” I pretty much just started slathering it on once I reached the magical era of 8th grade and was allowed to wear it. And that was during an era of frosted blue eye-shadow and neon-pink lipstick. I am proud to say that the frosted blue eye shadow and neon pink lipstick went the way of my roller-skates and staying up until 2am (thankfully, they’re ALL long gone).

Once I went to Merle Norman to have my make-up done and try to learn to do it myself. I left looking like a confused clown with bright neon yellow and navy blue eye shadow and the bright orange slashes of blush down my cheeks that resembled angry war-paint. I never went back. Another time, I went to the Clinique counter at an upscale department store to have my make-up done and try to get some instruction on how to apply cosmetics. That lady was more concerned about my pores than anything else and kept fixating on exfoliation. By the time she finished scrubbing and exfoliating my face (with this white pad that resembled a Brillo pad, mind you!), my face was red and blotchy and there was no point in even trying to apply make-up. So I gave up and went back to my Cover Girl make-up that I could buy at Wal-Mart. I’ve been wearing my make-up the exact same way since way back then. I feel like I’m in a bit of a rut, to say the least. I have toyed with the idea of getting my make-up “done” again….but like they say… “twice burned, thrice shy.” And have you SEEN some of the folks who work at the make-up counters these days?? I’m terrified I’d walk away looking like a Gothic Emo chick, a plucked minimalist chicken or an Andy Warhol painting!! Guess I’ll stick to my own bathroom mirror experimentation for now. Maybe I’ll gather up enough guts, nerve and moxie to brave an “expert” again in the future. Maybe.

Perhaps what I need is a personal fashion consultant! Some honest, but kind….who will shoot straight, but not shoot my heart out….to go with me and give me feed-back on the things I try on. Someone to say, “Really?” or to say, “REALLY!!” so that I would have a clue as to what looks good. Haha! Now taking applications for a personal fashion consultant!!!  