Well. I've really gone and done it now. I did something I'm already regretting. Oh....it's nothing bad or shameful.....it's just.....frightening. I RSVP'd to our neighbor's Halloween party. A neighbor I've never met. The invitation came in the mail. It was one of those really thoughtful ones...made fromscratch. It's a genuine hand-made, paper, multi-layer-used the Cricut-and-the fancy paper-punch and added a pretty-colorful- spooky-halloween -font hand-made invitation. WITH a jaunty little halloween rhyme printed in black and orange. Just looking at the invitation makes me feel inadequate. And much to my shock and horror............. I RSVP'd. Not only did I say we were DYING to attend....I even signed us up to bring chips and dips. Now...I never, EVER, EVER go to these kinds of shindigs. (Actually, I've never actually been invited before....) so now the only thought running through my mind is GREAT GOOGLEY-MOOGLEY , WHAT on earth HAVE I DONE????????????????????????????
My second thought was....I MUST PREPARE!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've obsessively looked through my pintrest pins trying to decide on JUST the right 2 dips and chips that would make a good impression. I can't decide. I bought sour-cream.....and a bag of tortilla chips....and a couple bags of fancy crackers...but that's as far as I've gotten....paralyzed with indecision. Do I just keep it simple with a guacamole type dip....or do I pull out the big guns with my Williams and Sonoma cookbook and the hard to find foodie seasonings (you know....like eye of newt or something). Should I try for something seasonal and fun? (Like the unfortunate time I tried making a wacky Halloween snack called "Ear-Wax on Q-tips"?? (mini-marshmallows stuck on the end of pretzel rods with peanut butter smeared on them.....was so gross even 10 year old boys refused to eat them). I don't even know. I'll probably just end up in a panic at the last minute and run out and just buy 2 tubs of French Onion dip and a bag of Lays Chips and bring them in the Kroger bag. I'm classy like that.
Next......did I mention that this fiasco is a COSTUME party??? I have gone through my meager closet this week and I have tried on everything left in there (which isn't much, mind you). NOTHING works as a costume. I wanted to look like a biker chick......so I tried putting on a lot of black eyeliner and bright red lipstick. I looked like a sad raccoon that got punched in the mouth. Washed that off. Tried again. Looked like Saddie the Painted Lady. Washed that off. Tried again. But found a do-rag in the closet and tied that around my hair....trying to look edgier. Yeah. I looked like a little old lady babushka hooker. I give up. No more make-up tonight. My face is too tired for another go. I will probably just go to the party as myself. That's scary enough. No costume necessary. If anybody asks....I'll just say that I came to the party as a family member of Honey Boo-Boo. Nobody would question that. I just have no talent for making myself up. I can do theatrical make-up on other people...but when it comes to myself....I am stuck in such a deep rut that no matter what I put on my face.....it still just looks the same. Maybe I will become inspired over night and come up with something by 5pm tomorrow evening. We'll see.
And now.....I can begin worrying about being awkward at the party. I never know what to say, what to do, where to look.......I hope I don't do anything too terrible. I am that one person who always spills the red wine on the white tablecloth.....who gets explosive diarrhea in the bathroom and then the toilet overflows.....who knocks over the priceless family china heirloom that shatters into a million pieces.....who trips and falls into the curtains, ripping down the entire draperies and knocking over a candle that sets the entire house ablaze......okay. Well, maybe I'm exaggerating. But I am clumsy and I am socially awkward. And that's not a good combo. Oh....I'm a little better than I used to be...but mostly I fake it. Maybe I should look up "topics for conversation" and have index cards at the ready in case I can't think of anything to say. Kindda like Sheldon Cooper does? Maybe not.
At least their house is less than a block away. If I do crash and burn socially....I only have half a block to run home crying.....and then move to another neighborhood. What if it turns out that my neighbors are all really nice and I enjoy myself and get to know some people and make new friends? Well, now. That's very different! Now I remember why I RSVP'd in the first place!! But I'm going to pray up before we go....just in case. It will be my standard prayer, "Lord, keep your arm around my shoulders and your hand over my mouth!" :) Now, if you will excuse me.....I need to consult a cookbook about some dip recipes!
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