At the end of every year, I like to go back to the year prior and look at my goals and try to measure how I did. Some of the things that seemed so pressing and important back then seem trite and trivial now, in light of the changes 2014 brought to our lives. I’m definitely not the same person who wrote the goals last year….for better or for worse, I’ve changed. I suppose in the grand scheme of things, all of life is about changing. Morphing, growing, evolving. Let’s take a look back before we look forward to planning the next year.
1. Organization - I need it at home, at work, in my car, my closets, my pantry, my attic........I need to start with something as simple as getting my Tupperware organized in my kitchen cabinets! The empty containers with missing lids are taking over my kitchen! My pantry, my craft-room, my back porch, my closet, my storage room, my attic.......my entire life sort of looks like Granny Clampet and Fred Sanford got together and threw a yard-sale. I need to devote some quality time to figuring out how to get things and KEEP things organized! After moving into our new home here in Florida, I have actually become SLIGHTLY more organized. I have purged, thrown away, donated, and recycled MUCH. I still need some work in the organizational department, but 2015 will find me better off than the dawning of 2014 in this area.
2. Fairy Garden - THIS is the year that I actually DO it! I've been planning it for years! I have purchased odds and ends here and there and I know that I want a wine barrel to plant it all in! I just have to find/purchase that container and I'm ready to go come spring! I DID IT!!! I FINALLY DID IT!! I have a beautiful large lemon tree as the centerpiece of my Fairy Garden and it is in a whiskey barrel, just like I have always wanted! It holds a place of honor on my lanai!
3. Menus and planning with healthier fare - I usually make menus and grocery lists, but not in any sort of logical sequence or plan.....I want to have a more balanced approach to my meals - especially when Steve is traveling and I'm home alone. I tend to default to a can of soup or whatever is in the pantry on those lonely nights.....and I need to plan better for these times. I started off stronger than I finished up. I still do the majority of cooking at home (we eat in restaurants usually only on the weekends), but with the stress of the move, followed by the stress of Steve’s health problems/hospitalizations/procedures this year, plus the stress of my job…..well, I haven’t been as diligent in planning healthy meals....I've relied on pre-packaged junk like hotdogs and convivenence foods instead of cooking mostly from scratch with whole foods that equals healthier ingredients. I plan to focus more strongly on this in the year to come!
4. Craftiness - I have the dedicated craft room, I have tons of bottles, wads, stacks, stashes of crafting supplies, and I occasionally will go in there and browse through the stuff....taking stock of what I have and trying to envision finished hand-crafted goods. I need to come up with actual projects and put some of these stockpiles of papers, yarn, paint, etc....to good use! I did a few projects this year….not many, but a few. Hopefully our lives will settle down into a more predictable pattern and I can do more than come home from work, cook dinner, and crash on the couch to browse Facebook and Pinterest. I haven’t felt creative at all in a good while……I need to find that spark again.
5. Generosity - I need to be more generous. I need to stop worrying, "What's in it for me?" and think more along the lines of, "How can I help someone else?" I need to be more generous with my $$, my time, my love, my worldly goods, tipping, encouraging.........I just feel the need to give more. I have been fairly generous…..but could definitely be more encouraging and giving of my self and my time. I tend to want to keep my time and hoard it up to spend at home, alone with my husband and puppy dog.
6. Mercy - I tend to judge harshly. Even if I never share the thoughts I have with others, they still color the way I react to things, the way I interact with others and the way I think and act. I have been forgiven SO MUCH....I pray for a way to find it within myself to forgive others. Mercy and Grace when dealing with my own weaknesses would be nice as well. I judge myself most harshly of all....and sometimes, it's not always fair. Hooo-boy. I’ve really missed the mark here. This will have to be on the “carry-over” list for next year. I have been in a deep depression for several months and that tends to bleed over into every aspect of my life and make everything misery-tinged and critical instead of mercy-tinged and grateful.
7. Water - I don't drink near enough water. I usually down about 2 cups in the morning time when I exercise, and then it's an afterthought the rest of the day. I need to drink less coffee, tea, and juice and reach for more water. I will strive for at least 6 cups per day. That should be attainable.......and the days when I have more = BONUS! Another missed opportunity. Does the water in my coffee count? Well, not so much. Another item for the “carry-over” list.
8. Amusement Park - I didn't have a chance to go last year, but I really want to face down and conquer some of my fears concerning roller-coasters and other rides. I'm tired of living my life in a state of being scared of things that probably won't hurt me. It's time to move out of my comfort zone and into the LIVING LIFE to the FULLEST zone! DID IT!! Went to Busch Gardens and I even rode a roller-coaster!! Whoop-Whoop!!
9. One thing a month that scares me - along the lines as #8, I want to experience all that life has to offer. I want to try at least one thing a month that scares me! Whether that is a physical feat (such as river tubing in the rain forest!) or a mental feat (such as overcoming my fear of being seen in public in a swimsuit).....I want to do at least one thing that is outside my usual scope of practice! I want to push the envelope! I want to surpass my own expectations! I want to do things I never thought or dreamed I could do!! I want to have a life of NO REGRETS this year!
10. Blessings - I have had so many, many blessings in my life!! I so often tend to focus on the things I feel I have missed out on, the things I don't have or never had, the things I want but never got....the negative. My glass is not only often half empty, it's also cracked and leaking. I want to be more positive! I want to focus on the blessings and practice an attitude of gratitude and thankfulness. I take so much for granted. I need to be more mindful!!! This is an ongoing struggle…..I am very thankful for my blessings….but still tend to dwell more on my disappointments than on the overwhelming goodness in my life. Another carry-over!
11. Travel - I still want to see the whole world!! I want to see it and experience it, taste it, smell it, and LIVE it! This year, we are planning a trip to New York City in April! It's been a life-long dream to see the Big Apple! In August, we are planning to fly out to Seattle for a week to meet up with Alyssa and we are taking Jaron. I am looking forward to my family being whole again and enjoying our time together and I am looking forward to exploring another corner of the world that I haven't seen before! We plan on visiting Washington and Oregon and possibly even Vancouver, Canada!! I'd like to also fit in a few spontaneous weekend trips here and there along the way. I did get to visit New York City and (unknown to me when I wrote my goals last year….) we moved to a new area of Florida and have had the pleasure of exploring and discovering new places here! I visited Seattle, Washington with Steve and the kids met up with us…which was an AMAZING week in a state I’d never visited before!! Steve surprised me with a weekend-get-away trip to Myrtle Beach to experience Medieval Knights and we had the ultimate get-away when we up and moved to a new state. We did spend a night in West Palm Beach this past month…..and we spent a work-filled week moving from Nashville to Florida….so, does that count? Haha! We met our travel goals for 2014!
12. Writing - I haven't written nearly as much as I had hoped this past year. I had such great intentions and such poor follow-through! I spent way more time on Facebook and Pinterest than I did trying to capture my own thoughts and ideas and transform them into written word. I want to make sure I take more time for writing this year. It's such a balm to my soul and it's very healing to pour my heart out and explore my psyche in this manner. And it's so much cheaper than therapy and so less risky than swallowing antidepressant pills! I have alluded to the fact that I have had a dry spell of creativity and have been dealing with a yawning pit of depression for several months now. I have been having trouble getting myself out of bed and going to work every day…..and by the time I get home and cook dinner….I’ve had nothing else left to give. No writing, no crafting, no motivation, no drive. Pretty much, just existing...barely surviving…and sometimes, only barely at that. My sleep has been affected, my attitude has been affected; I cry a lot. I don't respond to emails, there were days when I didn't even wish precious friends Happy Birthday on Facebook like a normal person. I just sat and stared into the abyss...frozen by indifference, heartbreak, and darkness. I’m starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel and I have actually written a couple of things in the last week or so……so my writing goal will
definitely be a carry-over.
13. Classes/learning - I started a wine appreciate class, a writing class, and a photography class online, but I didn't finish any of them. My goal for this year is to complete the classes I have started and possibly take a few more.....just for the sake of general knowledge and for growing my interest in other areas and making me a more well-rounded and fulfilled person. I didn’t finish the 3 classes….and I didn’t begin any other classes. I wanted to do some more painting classes……I started a women's Bible Study in the fall, but dropped out after only 4 weeks.......I haven’t been doing much of anything lately. I really need that spark again...that motivation to do more than survive one day at a time.
14. Horseback riding - I want to go horseback riding. It was on my list last year, but I never actually made it....so it is a carry-over item. Steve isn't interested in going.....so I either need to just get over my fear of doing things alone and just buy a Groupon adventure and go, or I can find someone else who wants to join me for the adventure and just go. Either way, I just need to do it. I haven’t gone horseback riding yet. We moved really near the equestrian center of Pinellas Park, so I could go down there and just inquire and DO it. I have gained some of my weight back….so it really wouldn’t be fair to the horse right now…..maybe later in the spring or early summer.
15. House Cleaning - most of the time, my house isn't nasty or filthy......it's just cluttered. I don't enjoy cleaning my bathrooms or scrubbing toilets or the bathtub or sweeping, mopping, vacuuming, or any other myriad of chores that need to be done on a regular basis. I need to come up with a systematic approach that doesn't leave me miserable and exhausted in a mad-dash to hide the mess and clean up every time we have friends over. It’s better in our new house. It’s not always spic-and-span…..but it’s not bad either. This one is mostly met.
16. Friends/Entertaining - And I do want to have friends over. LOTS of friends! I want my home to be welcoming and open to friends and family. I'd love to meet/make new friends as well as keep in touch with the old ones. The song my daughter used to sing in Brownies comes to mind, "Make new friends, but keep the old.....one is silver and the other gold!" :) One can never have too many friends! Moving to another state made this one harder, and yet also made it more necessary. We joined a Sunday School class and keep trying to go to the social events to find a fit. We had Steve's co-workers over a couple of months ago and We are having folks over from my work tomorrow night…..so I’m working on it!
17. Adventures - I don't want to EVER pass up the chance for an adventure! I want to try new things, experience everything there is to experience! Life life to the fullest, drink life to the lees! Live a little! So very much of my life was spent inside a box of my own fear and self-doubt.....I want OUTTA that
box and I want to make the most of the rest of my life! Adventures, trips, outings, new foods, new people, new situations......Bring 'em on!!! New state, new job, new friends, new church, new house, new adventures! I think I met this one this year.
18. Positivism - this one is a BIGGIE. I may should have listed it first. I complain and whine WAAAYYY too much. I get on my OWN nerves with my endless pity-parties and wallowing. I have a predisposition for depression. I have struggled valiantly (and sometimes not so valiantly) with the deep dark pit of despair and gloom since I was a small child. I have to actively focus on the positive. I have to dwell on the blessings. I have to physically and literally put my hand over my mouth some days to keep from boring everybody around me with my misery. This year, I am going to make that conscious effort to shut down the whine-machine before my friends and loved ones get that glazed-over, "not listening to this again" look on their faces. I want my glass to be half full for a change. I want to be PollyAnna and emit glittering rays of sunshine from my face. Or at least not complain. It will probably be baby-steps. I just wanted to dream big. :) Still need some work. Who am I kidding? I still need a major over-haul. Pick myself up, dust myself off and try for another year of emitting glitter and sunshine. I'm afraid it was more like toxic waste and acid rain than glitter and sunshine for me this year. That's a big part of my emotional problems....and I need to just get over it.
19. My Spirituality - This one is between me and God....it is so deeply personal, I can't really put it into words. I have some work to do here.....and I don't really feel comfortable sharing most of the details, but essentially.....I'm not where I was.....I'm not where I should be.....and I'm not yet where I'm going. In other words.....it's a journey and most of it is uphill and I need prayers for the faith I need to keep putting one foot in front of the other in this area. I'm wrestling with some BIG spiritual issues and I know that the only peace I will find in these areas will come from trusting that God has everything in His hands. Still wrestling. Still on the journey. Still traveling up-hill in cement boots while dragging a Buick behind me. Lord, I believe......HELP my UNBELIEF!!!
20. My Children/my Adult Parenting Role - another touchy area.....another topic where about the only thing I can do is just pray for understanding and some sort of peaceful acceptance. It's been a tough year for this Mommy of two headstrong adult children......a lot of turbulent flood waters (mingled with tears) under the bridge of 2013. It's hard to watch the ones you love the most make decisions that break your heart. I have to keep reminding myself that my job is to love them the best I can and to constantly lift them up in prayer. In some ways, it’s gotten better…..in some ways, it got worse – and I mean so bad it was off the track and derailed. Honestly, I don’t even know how to measure progress in this area. 3 steps forward, 2 steps back, I suppose. Some progress, but still a lot of heartbreak.
Now, in addition to the set goals I had, there are a few unplanned accomplishments/personal victories that I experienced in 2014 that I need to celebrate:
1. I rode a giant rollercoaster (and only cried a little bit).
2. I ate raw oysters. I ate crab claws. I ate crab cakes. I ate shrimp. I ate lobster. I ate fish.....all kinds - even sushi! And I liked it!
3. I cooked lobsters at home! (and they were delicious!)
4. I got dressed up in fancy clothes, high-heeled shoes, lots of make-up, (and for heaven's sakes - I even wore body-glitter!!) and went to a cocktail party and dinner and even went dancing!
5. I danced in a conga line.....a conga line led by the fabulous Ms. Gloria Estefan, no less!! I couldn't even make that up if I tried!!!
6. If you know me well, you know how I DEPLORE being alone and doing things alone....however, I explored my new cities on my own. driving myself around in a strange place and exploring....eating in cafes, walking along docks, sipping iced coffee on a park bench, ducking into quaint little shops and taking tons of pictures! I even visited botanical gardens and had a solo-sushi-picnic by the water! I even visited a winery alone and had a chocolate-wine paring.....dateless! It was scary, but I was BOLD!
7. I found an amazing Italian Market to frequent and I had gelato and cannoli! TWICE!
8. I had Starbucks at the original Starbucks at Pikes Market.
9. I took the following modes of transportation this year: car, truck, bus, ferry, train, shuttle, tram, plane, subway, bicycle, motorcycle, golf cart, rollercoaster, carousel, moving sidewalk, rental car, boat. taxi-cab, I guess you could say it's been a moving year!
10. I visited a Chinatown in two major cities.
11. I finally saw a play on Broadway and marveled at the lights in Times Square.
12. I ate a hotdog from a street-vendor.
13. I stopped in a busy Manhattan bar for drinks one evening.
14. I have watched the sun set over the Gulf of Mexico and over Puget Sound and I have watched the sun rise over the Atlantic Ocean.
15. I have had a total reset of what my priorities are this year.....a reminder that the most important things aren't really even things....and not to take those most important things for granted or lightly. Our lives are but a vapor and I have learned to cherish the precious blessings I've been given.
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