6 weeks post-op this week!

Well, as of this coming Thursday, it will have been 6 weeks since my surgery.  I'm doing GREAT!  I'm feeling GREAT!  I've lost 56 pounds so far and I'm down 3 clothing sizes!  That makes me want to dance and shout and sing!  I went shopping on Saturday and tried on about 10 different things and they all FIT ME!!!  And the size was only 1X instead of 4X's!!!!   I actually started crying in the dressing room because I was so happy about that!   Now, I have a few new blouses and a nice dress coat to wear that fits me!  (AND...it was all super-discounted too! BONUS!) :)

This past week, I was notified that I'd won a contest that I'd entered for a free registration into the 'Get Fit Murfreesboro' challenge...which is like a local "Biggest Loser" thing!  I went in last week to be weighed, measured and photographed!  The prizes are amazing (Hot Air Balloon rides, a Cruise for 2, clothes, Sporting goods, cooking classes, etc....).  And since I'm hoping to be dropping a significant amount of weight, I figure...WHY NOT??   I'm hoping that it acts as an extra motivation for me to keep on track.

I've been going to the gym at least 3 mornings a week.....but I need to go 5 days a week for the most aerobic benefit.  This weekend, Steve and I did do 2 workout videos....a gentle Yoga video and we did about 20 minutes of a Jillian Michaels video. (She's kindda MEAN! hahaha!!  I had to modify some of the moves....I'm just not strong enough to do them the way she does just yet).  My new goal:  to do a push up!!!!  Heck, to do a SET of push ups!!!  I couldn't budge my self tonight at all when we were working out.  I guess I'm still too heavy to lift my own weight.  haha!!  BUT....I'm working on it!  I do feel like I have more energy when I exercise. 

Also, I'm finding that my taste buds have indeed changed!! FOR THE BETTER!!!  I'm craving savory things.....and we went to Wild Ginger...an Asian Fusion type restaurant on Saturday and I ordered a coconut-milk/pineapple Shrimp soup!!!  The shrimp was good!!!  I actually LIKED it!!!  I'm so glad!  Seafood is higher in protein and lower in fat than most meats....but I've never liked it at all.  Now, not only am I tolerating it, I'm LOVING it!  Yay!!!  On Friday, I found out that I do still like potato chips.  Oh well, you win some, you lose some, huh?  I just need to just resolve to never buy myself potato chips and I'll be okay!  (Easier said than done.)  I am also craving milk.  I've never been a big milk drinker....so this is kind of weird.  But it's all I want first thing in the morning and before bedtime.  Isn't that so very weird???  I just have to be careful not to drink it too quickly, or it makes my tummy hurt. 

I've sadly found that drinking plain water makes me so nauseated that I almost throw up.  I've never been a big water-drinker.....but it's never made me feel sick before.  If I add lemon, or cucumber, I can get it down a wee bit better....but I have to sip it slowly and deliberately, or something triggers my gag reflex.  It's the weirdest thing!  I can drink Powerade Zero with no problems......but plain water makes my stomach start contracting and I usually end up almost throwing up.  I have no idea why.

My fetish for pickled okra, peppers, cucumbers, etc... remains.  Luckily, there are only 5 calories in 2 pieces of okra!  I just have to chew and chew and chew and chew it before I swallow it. This weekend, I also had pickled carrots and pickled Diakon and LOVED them too!  What is it with me and pickled stuff??? I used to HATE pickles up until about a year or so ago!  haaha!! (And NO....I'm most definitely NOT pregnant)! hahahaha!!!

My weight isn't dropping as fast as I thought it would.  I'll stay stuck on one weight for a week....then I'll mysteriously drop 2 pounds....then stay stuck for another week.  It's the weirdest thing.  I've been tracking my calories in/out on a website and I'm averaging less than 850 calories per day and I'm burning somewhere in the neighborhood of 400 calories per day in exercise.  If you do that math....I should be pencil thin by now!!!  I don't know what's up with the scales.  I'm trying not to focus on it too much....to go by how I feel and how my clothes fit....but it's discouraging to not see the scale respond to all my hard work.  Folks keep asking me, "How much have you lost now? How many pounds did you lose this week?"  And that number on the scale doesn't seem to go down as quickly as I'd like.  I just have to be content in knowing that I'm doing all the right things and that I'm getting healthier every single day....choice by choice.  The scales is a harsh mistress, indeed!!

I am feeling much more hopeful, more energetic, more engaged.  I feel like doing more around the house; I feel like being more active.  I want to have sex more (blushing at that admission, but...I have promised that it's all about being honest and transparent, so there it is).  All in all, I'm finally getting to a place where I can finally say, "I'm glad I had this surgery."   It took me almost 6 weeks to get here.....and some of it has been an uphill, painful, bumpy, nauseating ride.  I can't even count the number of times in the last 6 weeks that I've cried into my pillow.... sobbing, "WHAT HAVE I DONE???"  and wished that I'd never even heard of Gastric Sleeve surgery. Now I can look back and see that I really am glad that it's all over and I'm on the road to a new and better me!  It has been so much harder than I ever anticipated it would.  Anybody who says that Gastric surgery is "The easy way to lose weight" is crazy.  This has been one of the most difficult things I've had to struggle through.  Not just the physical pain, the nausea, the soreness....but the mental battles have been hard as well.  I had a period of grieving for food.  I REALLY, REALLY like food!! Not being able to eat was brutal.  I came to realize just how skewed my relationship with food was...and how I used food to medicate  everything from loneliness to anger to boredom.  Honestly, it wasn't easy to give up my "go-to" coping method.  I still have moments. I've been tempted to "cheat" a few times....and I have done it....and paid the price of pain and regret.  But I'm making better choices. 

I'm writing more. I reading more.  I'm exercising more.  I still have those weak moments where I stand in front of my pantry with the door open and go over the contents with an eye for what I can eat to make me "feel better."  But I'm PRAYING desperately not to fall back into my old patterns.  I want to form new coping mechanisms and NEVER go back to who I was before.  And I'm getting there.....one small choice, one small step, one small decision at a time.