I have been itching to write something for a few weeks now. I have all of these ideas bouncing around inside my noggin; I get greatly inspired by a line in a book I'm reading, or something that someone says at work, or by something a patient of mine has done, or something my husband says............and then I come and sit quietly in front of my computer to get it all down in black and white....... and it's like my thoughts and words turned into the fluffy white feathers of a dandelion held tightly in my fist and although I tried to carefully carry it, a big wind came and blew the feathers away and all I'm left with is a giant, ugly, bald brain with only one or two straggler thoughts that aren't even coherent when put together. And then I stare at the blank white word-canvas and think.....Huh. I have absolutely NOTHING of any value to say. And I walk away feeling let down and disappointed.
But this afternoon, I have been thinking and I ran up here to the computer to try to capture some of the thoughts before they elusively float away on the wind of consciousness...the wind blown by business, rush, and stress.
This evening, I am thinking about my friends. And I have been blessed with some of the most PRECIOUS, most amazing friends you can imagine.
Some of my friends go waaaaaay back....to second grade......to elementary school.....to awkward times on the playground playing kickball and four-square and jump rope and Barbie Dolls. You knew me when I had braids and freckles and buck-teeth like Laura Ingalls. You were the ones who shared my obsession with Donny Osmond. You were the ones who invited me to my first sleep-over party and even went to the bathroom with me because I was afraid to go by myself (after we ate birthday cake with Donny Osmond's face airbrushed on top!!) It was your Mom who came to pick me up at the school and taught me how to use a sanitary pad and belt (those were the days, huh?) and took me home to change my clothes and celebrated my "womanhood" with me when I got my period for the first time and I thought I was dying (because I was so young and clueless and had no idea THAT was going to happen to me!) You are the ones who laughed with me on the playground while we enjoyed our candy-sticks that we bought from the school store with our saved dimes. We watched "The Electric Company" together every morning and I can't even think of hearing "HEEEY YOU GUYYYYYS!" without seeing each of your faces.
Some of you lived at Battlewood Apartments when I did, and you are the ones who know that the "Battle" part of Battlewood was the battle of making ends meet. We lived in the projects....we got giant blocks of "Government Cheese" which tasted pretty much like Velveta and shame. We were the kids who had to go through the "free lunch" line in the junior high cafeteria....in case anyone didn't already know we were poor. We had those cold, institutional white tile floors that our moms tried to cover with area shag carpets and we got to wade through waist deep water every time we had a lot of rain because the entire complex would flood.
Some of you, I met in Junior High. Ahhhh, those complex, troubling, awkward years of change, self-discovery, and self-awareness. Back then, there were steep, concrete steps leading from the "horseshoe" in front of the school where the buses and cars picked up and dropped off students up to the front of the school. I fell on those stupid steps at least twice in the two years I was there.....causing bruises, bleeding, and much bodily harm....but mostly humiliation. I wasn't the only one..those steps claimed plenty of victims. Maybe that is why they tore them down. Those steps were almost symbolic of my junior high years.....a nemesis, something to be conquered, but still something that would leave marks on me for the rest of my life.
Middle school saw My first school dance, my first boyfriend, my first kiss.......my (short-lived) foray into athletics as a member of the gymnastics team, the volleyball team, and as manager of the basketball team. I tried out for cheerleading, which was a dismal fail that left me in tears for a week. I wanted desperately to be in the band, but being in the band cost money....money we didn't have..... for instruments, lessons, and uniforms. And I didn't have a ride to/from practice because I lived with my elderly grandparents by then, and they couldn't drive. So I joined the Art Club and I joined the Newspaper and I joined Bible Club.....because they all met during school hours. I had always been a straight-A student, so one day I was taken to a special class room and was given a battery of tests and was labeled "GIFTED" and got to go to a new class called "Independent Studies" that made me feel really smart. Until I took Algebra my 8th grade year.....and got my first ever (cue the dramatic music.....) C. I was devastated. And grounded all summer. I made some of my really solid, enduring friendships in junior high...and you all know who you are.
And some of you, I met in Highschool. Oh. My. Gosh. Highschool. Pimples, popularity, pubescent hormones....... insecurities and exaggerated sense of the importance of every faux paux. Who am I? What am I? What am I going to be? Going to Pizza Hut every Friday night after the football games, hanging out at Eastgate Mall, trying to dress like Madonna with lace gloves and lacy headbands and jean-jackets, acid-washed, high-waisted jeans.....having sleep overs where we made chocolate chip cookies and listened to record albums all night long, giggling and sharing secrets instead of sleeping. Feeling so grown-up because we watched Saturday Night Live and laughed at Gilda Radner's jokes. Getting our first jobs......getting our driver's licenses.....getting our hearts broken. The dreaded "dressing out" in PE, the slamming of lockers in the hall, the confetti on PepRally day as the band played and the cheerleaders cheered and we all clapped. Lunch periods spent in Mr. Leathers' science lab instead of the lunch room because in Mr. Leather's class, nerds were welcomed with open arms..it was a safe haven for me. Field-trips to Quiz Bowl and Science Bowl, Math Club, and Toss-up and Future Problem Solving Bowl.......those were the BEST times!! You haven't lived until you have spent 3 sleep-deprived, hillarious days living with a short bus full of highschool nerds. The Big-Bang Theory cast had NOTHING on our little gang of intellectual misfits. I always secretly wondered when they would figure out that I didn't really belong - I wasn't half as smart as the rest of the group (I didn't even take MATH my senior year, for goodness sakes!)...and I constantly lived in fear of being called out....but thankfully, it never happened. We would play Mad Libs, make up songs, and we even created a fan club for one of our teachers.....I was a proud founding member of the Carolyn Towns Fan-Club. High school faded into early adult hood with prom, class night, dating, senior play, and finally graduation...…..but friendships were forged that would last a lifetime.
I started nursing school, got married and had a baby - all in rapid succession the year after high school. It was so fast that my head was spinning. And then I graduated nursing school and had another baby and started my nursing career. Through those early years of my marriage, I didn't have any really close friends outside of my marriage. My husband was my best friend and that worked really well for me. Actually, he still IS my best friend. Even after all these years. I wasn't a hermit or anything.....I had some superficial friends at work and at school and at church.. folks we talked with, went out to dinner with and visited...but no BFF's that I could call in a time of crisis. We had pleasant friends that we would see at events and at the kid's school meetings and church, but mostly it was just me and my man and kiddos against the world.
Since then, I've had the privilege of working with some really, really great friends. Nursing attracts caring people to begin with and throughout the years I've gotten fairly close with many precious people. We would spent hours and hours of drudgery interspersed with minutes of sheer terror in the name of nursing and "saving lives" and that tends to promote a closeness that other professions don't necessarily share. We see patients at their most venerable and sensitive times- at times of diagnosis , at times of catastrophic illness....and times of life-changing accidents - and it tends to boil life down to what is important and lasting. Most of the nurses I've worked with would walk through fire to help each other out. I am so thankful for the front-row seat I've had to learn from some of the best of the best nurses out there.
Because nurses deal with some really heavy situations, we tend to find dark humor a very effective safety-valve to let off the steam that builds up over a 12 hour shift. I can't tell you the number of things I've inappropriately laughed about when I wanted to cry instead....but laughing was more acceptable in the moment. The laughter binds us together and helps us cope - and makes us stronger. So many, many memories of laughter and friends that I have laughed with over the years.
I've met and loved so many friends at church! God has a way of putting people in my path that encourage me, that lift me up, that inspire me.....friends who have bravely fought (and ultimately lost) the battle with cancer. I'm thinking of at least 3 precious ladies who touched my life more than they ever knew as they faced their fears and their illness with grace and hope and strength and peace. Their strength has been woven into the fabric of who I am just by knowing and loving them.
I've had other friends who were friends for a season ….a time of Bible study, a time of retreat, of renewing our faith and growing together. I've had other friends who were friends for a reason - they needed a babysitter or a sympathetic ear to just listen or sometimes even a shoulder to cry on. I've learned vicariously from their life lessons along the way and it has made me stronger and wiser.
Some of my friends were definitely given to me to challenge me and make me think. Some of my friends come from different faiths, different ethnic backgrounds, different socioeconomic levels, different denominations, different cultures, different mores, different beliefs, different political views, different ages, different genders, different orientations, different experiences, and out and out completely different mindsets. And that's GOOD! I'm so thankful for our differences! If we were all the same flavor - how boring that would be?!? I like to think of my life and friends like a calico quilt - the more colors and fabrics and textures that are woven in - the more beautiful and special and valuable the quilt becomes!
Funny how now - over half a century into my life - some of those very first friendships I ever forged are still some of the most important to me today. We still keep in touch - still check in from time to time. Still laugh and still cry together. Still love and learn from each other.
I am so very, very thankful for the myriad of "quilt pieces" that make up the patchwork quilt of my life so far! I have been blessed, so very blessed.
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