Poop is ridiculous. Completely ridiculous.

Can we all just agree that Poop is ridiculous?   Because it is.  Poop is 100% ridiculous!

It begins as small children - we call poop all kinds of weird names:

• Poop
• doo-doo
• stinky
• Number 2
• Doodie
• dookie
• go potty
• poo
• poopie
• ca-ca
• make boom-boom
• poo-poo

I'm a nurse, so in the medical field, we have devised all sorts of "clinical" methods of discussing this most delicate topic:

• Bowel movement
• fecal matter
• excretion
• solid waste
• feculence
• BM, stool
• defecation 
• feculent discharge
• colon contents
• diarrhea
• code-brown 
• IBS-D
• Dyssentary 

If you are a farmer, then you have to deal with all KINDS of poop, so there are lots of farm-ish ways to mention barnyard poop: 

• dung
• manure
• cow-flop
• fertilizer
• guano
• cow-pies
• meadow-muffin
• droppings
• yard cookies 
• muck 
• pellets 
• plops

Then, there are the rude, middle-school-boy words to describe the results of this bodily function:

• Sh*t
• crap
• turd
• take a dump
• butt-truffles
• butt dumplings
• rusty nuggets
• keester cakes
• sewer serpents
• floaters
• tootsie-rolls
• fanny fudge
• coil some rope
• pop-a-squat
• squeeze a steamer
• baby ruth 

And then.....then there are the euphanisms.  Colorful words and phrases that ahve evolved (devolved??) over the years to indicate the intention to evacuate the bowels: 

Dropping the kids off at the pool

pinching a loaf

take the Browns to the Super Bowl

download a brown-load

stock the lake with brown trout

drop a deuce

paint the bowl

drop a troll in the dungeon

serve up a chocolate hotdog

punch a hole in the porcelain

take a bio-break

return my food rentals

rumple dumple

grow a brown tail

make a mud-pie

visit the turd flume

brown dog barkin at the backdoor

release a chocolate hostage

sacrifice to the sewer gods

drop some timber

bomb the oval office/drop a bomb

ride the porcelain pony 

busting a grumpy

building a log cabin 

playdough fun factory 

unloose the caboose

churn the dookey butter

drop some potatoes in the crockpot 

transanal meditation 

honk-out a dirtsnake 

morning constitutional

make a mess/mess yourself

do a jobby  

plop-tart

And then there are words/phrases to describe unpleasant poop situations:

Diarrhea:

• Hershey Squirts 
• poop soup
• the runs
• the squirts
• the trots 
• pour a cup of coffee
• chocolate rain 
• green apple quick-step
• flood of mud
• butt pukes
• Montezuma's revenge 
• gravy pants 

When Poop is still stuck after wiping:

• dingleberries
• Klingon around your anus 
• Skid Marks 
• hiney spider
  

And when you REALLY gotta go NOW:

• prarrie doggin
• photo-finish