searching for a church

 3/31/2013

Right now, we are officially "between churches."  That doesn't mean that we're not attending church....that just means that we're searching for a church home.  We have visited literally dozens of churches in this area, but we have yet to find THE ONE.  We were so excited when we found out that we were moving to Nashville, because we thought it was be easy-peasy to find a church we'd love....after all, there's a church on just about every street corner here!!  We're living on the very buckle of the Bible-Belt....and yet, we are terribly disappointed to find that we can't seem to find a church that fits us. 

My scary-smart husband came up with the idea that someone should invent an app like "Urban Spoon" or "Trip Advisor" for churches.....where folks could preview their local churches with inforamtion like.........the style of worship services offered, the median age of regular attenders, whether or not they have a choir, small group activities, Sunday School classes, Nursery and children's activities, facilities, staff, style of preaching, denomination, hynmal use, the presense of an organ/piano in the sanctuary, missions and outreach programs, youth services, etc.....   What an AWESOME idea!!!  And what a blessing that would be!!! We have visited so many, many churches lately.....I have to admit that it would be good to know a few things up-front! 

We're looking for a church where 1.  We can serve and 2. Where we can be fed.  We want a church that believes in Jesus Christ as the one and only Lord and Savior.  We want a church that has a heart for reaching out....not merely entertaining it's members as we want to be "Fishers of Men" not "Keepers of an Aquarium."   We want to belong to a church that's inclusive and welcoming and is both racially and culturely diverse.  We want to belong to a church that is alive and active and engaged. 

Sadly, we've visited more than a dozen churches in a 30 mile radius from our house and we haven't found one where we feel we belong.  We've visited a few of the MEGA-churches.....beautiful facilities, programs galore, music that would make your head spin, multi-media messages and dynamic speakers.....but we left feeling cold and isolated.  It's difficult to explain how you can sit in a Worship Center with 10,000 other people and still feel so utterly lonely.  Sure, the greeters greeted us and handed us a bulliten when we walked in.  And during the obligatory "shake hands with those seated around you" time, your hands were shaken with polite but uninterested smiles.....but other than that........it was just terribly lonely.  Folks around us were gathered into little groups, laughing, greeting each other and making small-talk, but we were never felt included;  it was obviouis that we didn't belong.

My husband longs to worship and share his mesage in song.....but sadly, most of the churches here don't have choirs;  they have Praise Teams led by faux-hawked, goateed, cool and savy young musicians hoping to be discovered as major recording artists....because, afterall, this IS Nashville, TN.  Professional singers and musicians are a dime a dozen here and the talent is extraordinary.  Which is nice if you simply want to be entertained by a professional sounding music program.....but it can be a bit intimidating when you simply want to contribute to worship yourself. Of course, I believe that the worship leaders are offering a sacrafice of praise and that they should practice and offer up their best, unblemmished sacrafice.......but they don't all have to be professional musicians to the exclusion of the enthuastic lay-person.

We're not looking for a Rock-n-Roll church......but we also don't want to attend a church that sings nothing but funeral-sounding organ dirges (in unison) from a 1800's Hynmal either. A steady-diet of Southern Gospel music would cause us to break out in hives....but neither does every song have to be a spiffy chorus written by Chris Tomlin.  What about a balance? A mix? A mash-up of Worship Styles?  There is comfort in the familiarity of the old Hymns of the Faith.....there is excitement in an up-tempo song extolling God's grace too.  Throw in some Southern Gospel, a little Blue Grass, some folksy music, even Rap and a sprinkling of Orchestral praise for good measure and spice!  God created an entire, sweeping spectrum of music....and I think that every single note of it should be offered back to Him in praise!!!

I want to attend a church where God's word is the basis for the Pastor's messages.  I need to be fed the scriptures with practical applications for my life....because my life is difficult and I need regular spiritual nourrishment to survive.  I need to understand why I believe what I believe and be challenged in my thinking.  I need to be taught and have scriptures explained.  I don't need a spiritual cheerleader and I certainly don't want or need to be screamed at. 

We actually attended a church service once where the preacher ran from one side of the pulpit to the other on the stage.....and he'd stop, throw up his hands and yell "HOMOSEXUALS!"  and the congregation would go nuts.  Then he'd run to the other side and yell, "ADULTERERS!!" and they'd all hoot, holler and throw their hands up in the air.  Then he'd run back over to the other side and yell "DRUNKARDS!" and again, the crowd would cheer and stomp and carry-on.   As an on-looker, it was hard to even tell if they were "for 'em or agin 'em"  as the saying goes.  It was just pure emotionalism.  This I can do without.  I got nothing out of the 45 minute hollering session. 

We've also attended a church where the Pastor concluded every few words or  phrases with a grunting sound.....like   "God-ah-HUH! Loves-ah-HUH! You-ah-HUH!"  I was so bothered by all the unnecessary  "a-Huhs" that I couldn't pay attention to the meaning of anything else he was saying. I actually found myself counting the "a-Huhs" to keep from falling asleep.

We found one church that we liked well enough, so we tried out 5 different Sunday School classes in as many weeks, trying to find a small group where we could study and grow.  In 4 of the 5 classes, we were the only ones in class under the age of 60.....and in the other class, all the folks had preschool aged children.  There was no in-between.  We didn't fit in with either crowd and quickly started searching for another place to worship.

We attended one church for several months.......and after attending several Sunday School classes and Steve joined their choir.......we still didn't know any one in the church and felt adrift and lonely Sunday after Sunday.  We tried to attend events and functions, but felt isolated and awkward and like outsiders.  It was completely miserable. It was impossible to break into the cliques they had formed.  We gave up and moved on again.

We walked into one church in what was obviviously a very tight-knit community and actually overhead members saying in whispers that were too loud to be polite, "Who is THAT? Do you know them?  Are they some of your people? WHY are they HERE?"  Talk about not feeling welcomed!!  We felt conspicious and singled out.

In another church, we arrived early and I chose a seat near the front (as is my usual custom...if I sit further back, I tend to get distracted and not pay attention).  The church was only about 1/3rd full and there were hundreds of empty seats.  But I had OBVIOUSLY sat in someone's usual seat.  She counted the pews several times, looking progressivly sour and unhappy with each counting...and then she actually came over to me and informed me that I was sitting in her pew.  See, she had been attending that church for 30 years and had always sat in that pew  and she wasn't about to have a visitor come in and take her seat.  She actually told me that I was going to have to move and find somewhere else to sit.  At first, I thought she was kidding.  She wasn't.

In that same church, I also overhead some older ladies loudly talking about how they didn't like it when visitors came to their church....especially families with small children, as children were so often disruptive and messy and loud.

We attended another larger church for a while.....but found it also to be very superficial and cold. I got a lot out of the sermons...the Pastor was an excellent teacher, but we still felt like interlopers every Sunday.....filing in and out of the sanctuary with thousands of other people we didn't know and who didn't seem interested in getting to know us any better.  I tried introducing myself to people, trying to strike up a conversation, find some common ground.....force a friendship of some kind....but it fell flat and folks acted like I was bothering them. 

As church bodies, we really don't do a good job at reaching out.  I have been in church my whole life and know the jaragon and the program.....I know the words to the songs and the flow of the services and I still feel isolated and left-out.   Imagine how an unchurched "seeker" who comes in....searching for answers...must feel.  No wonder the world looks at us and shakes their heads.  We aren't welcoming to our own brothers and sisters......imagine how we must seem to outsiders new to the church!  It's heart-breaking.

Is it too much to ask to find a church that is welcoming?  A church that is loving?  A church who reaches out and welcomes and embraces people who are hurting and looking for answers?  Once we actually find a church to attend and become members.......I want to personally make it my mission to make people feel personally welcome and not just tolerated.