We had a marvelous time last night meeting Alyssa's coworkers and students!  We arrived a bit early....we were a bit worried about finding the right trains and getting the transfers correct...but in reality, we had no problem at all finding her office building.  It's a giant pink building beside a teeny-tiny McDonalds.  Her office is on the 5th floor.  We got to meet her manager and 2 of her coworkers and then we set out for dinner with 3 of her female students and another employee, Liam.  Liam is from Seattle and he's teaching here just like Alyssa.  We went to one of Alyssa's favorite places to eat in Nisshin....sort of a bar/restaurant/pub type place.  She knew all the workers and they all greeted her, laughing and giggling in rapid Japanese. After many introductions, more giggling and bowing...we shed our shoes and climbed up into the loft-area where our tables were located.  The tables were low to the ground and we sat on cushions around the table.  At least there was a recessed area under the table for our feet, so I didn't have to kneel on my knees all night...but I noticed  that most of the Japanese girls did.  They brought out our drinks and Alyssa's students were in charge of ordering the food.  They ordered about 8 different foods for us to try!  First, they brought out a giant slice of raw mackerel and then the waitress got a giant blow-torch and lit it up and cooked the fish right on our table!  It was something to see, for sure!  The fish tasted very fishy....but I put some sweet soy sauce on it and thought it was quite good! Yes, I did!  I ate fish!!!  haha!  Then they brought 2 large salad bowls.  The salads had all kinds of greens, diakon sprouts, lettuce, arugula, cherry tomatoes, and there were tiny bits of potato salad mixed in and it had a creamy white dressing.  I ate a lot of greens!  Then they brought out some soup.  The soup had a thick gray jelly-like substance in it called Congyac (spelling??) that looked nasty, but tasted very good!  Once I got past the jello-like texture, I enjoyed it quite well.  The soup also had large carrots, diakon and tiny pieces of beef in it...and the broth was very rich and beefy. Next came a big plate of tofu covered in Norri strips and Kim chi.  I have never had Kim chi...turns out....I LOVE KIM CHI!!  It was so yummy!   Then they brought some small pieces of fried chicken...which tasted like....fried chicken nuggets!  haha!  Somethings are universal, I suppose.  After that, they brought out a giant sushi platter with about 6 kinds of fish.  I passed on the raw fish...but really enjoyed the diakon and there was this green leaf that was a vibrant neon green....and you take that green leaf and roll up some diakon (Japanese white radish- tastes very sweet and not radish-like at all) and you eat it like a little leaf-salad sandwich!  OH my goodness!!! SO good!!!!  Very herby and refreshing!  There was a seafood pizza....a pizza made on Naan bread covered in fish and cheese.  I passed on this dish because I am not supposed to have bread or cheese...but it looked tasty!   The next course was some type of fried eggs with diakon on top and some sort of sweet fish broth.  I wasn't really hungry anymore...so I didn't sample that, but Alyssa professes that it's one of her favorite dishes.  I just couldn't wrap my head around it.  haha!  After meal, we had to leave in a hurry because the last train left the station bound for Sakae by 11:30pm and we were more than 10 miles from our hotel....NOT a walk I wanted to make.  We ended up making the first train, but missed the last train at our transfer station and had to walk about an extra 30 minutes to get back to our hotel.  It was a nice walk though.....and we got to see the night-time lights and bars and clubs all lit up....along with the Farris wheel!  By the time we got back to our hotel room, it was after 1am and we had plans to meet up with Alyssa at 7am tomorrow morning for a full day of sight-seeing.  I forgot to bring my camera cord to upload pictures to the laptop....and this lap top doesn't have a drive for the memory card...so I have over 300 pictures to share....but no way to get them out of my camera just yet.  I'm going to ask Alyssa today to see if she has one we can borrow...and if so, I'll post pictures of last night's meal.  It was a meal like I've never experienced before...very exotic and very good!  The warmth of the Japanese people we've met so far is very charming.....everyone is so polite and accommodating.  And I can't get over how clean everything is!!  I am excited and waiting on Alyssa to get here this morning to take us on another adventure!
Sayonora for now!!!  <3

Konichiwa, Y'all!!!!!!

Woke up this morning at 7am feeling very refreshed and rested!  The shower in my hotel room felt  AMAZING, if a little small- and the shampoo, conditioner and body soap are quite fancy and smell like a little bit of spa heaven! I felt like a new woman after a hot shower!  We took our time getting ready and decided to strike out on foot to explore the immediate area this morning.  I had a Cliff bar (recommended by my nutritionist) for breakfast so that I could take my medication.....and we set out! The morning air was perfect for a nice walk! It was about 65 degrees, sunny and a light breeze.  The sky is that very pretty azure blue today with not a cloud to be seen!  We walked up to OASIS 21, Central Park and the Nagoya TV tower, taking in all the sights, sounds, smells and colors along the way.  OASIS 21 is a large metal oval track-like complex that has a giant fountain on top.  The top was closed this morning...but I want to go back when it's dark to see it all lit up.  We got a glimpse of it last night on our way in.  It's huge and very impressive architecture.  We found a little patisserie type cafe and Steve got a raisin bun and I got some Matcha tea.  We sat at a bar along the window so that we could people watch.  Hundreds of serious looking men in black business suits and ties...lots of fashionably dressed women with high-heels (very few in sensible shoes!).  Most talking on or looking at cell phones while they walked.  Saw hundreds of bicycles....they don't even chain them up here....they just park them on the street.  The streets are spotless too.  No litter, no dirt.  Swept clean!! Early in the morning all of the shop keepers were out washing their windows.  It was a very cheerful scene to walk down the streets and the shops were just starting to open for the day.
We finished our breakfast and walked around the subway complex....lots of high-end shopping: Dolce and Ghabanna was a HUGE store...and having a big sale today, if the people lined up in the ques waiting for the store to open are any indication.  We made our way thru Nagoya's Central Park with it's fountains, statuary, and seating spots to the base of the Nagoya TV Tower and we ended up going through the subway station again and getting a bit turned around.  None of the street signs are in English....and we just had to keep guessing which way we needed to go.  We ended up in Sakae and got to see Pachinco Parlors and bars and shops and cafes and thoroughly enjoyed our selves!  There are bright and vibrant colors everywhere!! The smells from the restaurants were strange, spicy and enticing!  Many places had large placards with their advertised "set-ups" (what they call a plate?) and prices listed right out side with big pictures of the food so that you can choose what you want.  The Japanese are VERY big on presentation and it's so true when they say that you eat with your eyes first.  Every dish looked amazing!!!  No attention to detail is spared.  We found the planetarium and realized that we were way south of where we intended to be and were able to readjust using the Nagoya TV Tower as a landmark to find our way back to our street.  We took the Central Park path to get back down to our hotel, enjoying the shade of the trees, the cooing of the pigeons and the sights and smells that are so different from home.  Now we're back in our hotel room.....I just had an espresso that was very yummy! and now I'm going to try to take a little cat nap to rest up for more walking this afternoon. Steve is already snoring beside me! haha!   I'm feeling GREAT and so far, I am LOVING Japan!  I can't wait for tonight to get to spend some more time with Alyssa!  What an adventure we're on!  A trip of a lifetime!  I feel so overwhelmingly blessed and happy to have been able to come!   Now, rest for the jet-lag and will write more later!  Sayonora!

Our Arrival in Japan (or.....How we lost an entire Tuesday!)

Well, after over a year's anticipation and planning....we're FINALLY in Japan!  I'm sitting in my tiny hotel room this morning.....trying to reconcile my body with the time difference.  I'm now living approximately 15 hours in the future!!  We totally lost an entire Tuesday yesterday when we flew across the international date line. The flight from Nashville to Chicago O'Hare wasn't too bad.....once we got to O'Hare, we had a 10 minute turn-around-time to get to the other terminal.  We literally ran the entire way.  I thought my lungs were going to explode and my feet fall right off before we made it!  We were one of the last ones on the plane....huffing and puffing and with a really red and sweaty face.....I made my way to my tiny seat that would be my "space" for the duration.  I think it's mean that they make you walk thru First class, Business class and elite economy to get to your own tiny cheap-seat. You get to see how the lucky few get to fly in comfort while you're stuffed into a pea pod.  haha!  Never the less, the seat was much more comfortable than on any domestic flight I've ever been on.  The stewardesses were so friendly and helpful and smiling and bowing.....the service was amazing!  The meals were actually GOOD too!  I got miso soup, a salad, a chilled vegetable  plate, tender pieces of beef in a soy gravy and some Soba noodles!  Everything was diet friendly except the noodles....and I had plenty to eat.  I did skip the cup of ice cream they offered, but got a cup of Matcha tea instead.  It was very good!   They served a second meal about an hour before we landed and it was just as good...more salad, veggies and meatballs with a pasta.  Skipped the pasta...ate everything else and was a happy girl! I did have the roll they gave us. It was all carbs....but it was DELICIOUS....and I did really well the rest of the day.  Once we got to Tokyo, we had an even shorter turn-around time, complicated by the fact that we had to go through Customs and Immigration before we could check-in for our Nagoya flight.  We spoke with the stewardess before we got off the plane, explaining the situation and they had ladies with clipboards holding up "Nagoya" signs asking for Mr. and Mrs. Griffin....they walked us and expedited us through the entire process and even though we still had to run, we made that flight too, just in time!  And they were SO gracious!! They even brought me a cup of water to help me catch my breath.  Once I got in my seat and settled down....I started crying.  I knew it was dumb....but just the enormous stress of all the rushing, the fact that by now I've been flying for 26+ hours and hadn't been able to sleep....and the anticipation of seeing Alyssa in 50 minutes....all came crashing down at once and I cried and cried for about 20 minutes.  It's so hard to look cool when you're sobbing at 30,000 feet! hahaa!  I did manage to collect myself and calm down and by the time we got to Nagoya....I was FINE.  We collected our bags and saw the most BEAUTIFUL sight in the whole world waiting for us just beyond the arrivals door...my baby GIRL!!!!!!  Needless to say, once I saw her, grabbed her and started hugging her...the tears fell again...but these tears were HAPPY ones!!
We went on a "death march" to the subway.....made more deadly by my weariness and the fact that I was pulling suitcases that didn't want to roll and the fact that there were a billion stairs and no escalators or elevators....dragging an entire set of luggage up and down 3-4 flights of stairs was brutal.  We finally made the subway and rode to Nagoya station.....where we had to negotiate another maze of steps and hallways (called wickets???) to find our connection train. By the time we made it to our hotel to check in and drop the luggage, I was a dead-woman walking....barely upright.  We dropped everything in our hotel room and walked back up to the Station where we found a plethora of cool looking cafes.  Alyssa took us to one of her favorite....Pepper Lunch.  The way you order your food is cool....you look at a giant menu-board on a vending machine.  You pick which "set-up" you want...feed Yen into machine and then push the buttons to make your selections.  The machine spits out a ticket, which you give to your waiter.  He sat us down at a table that was already equipped with chopsticks, water glasses, tongs and napkins.  They bring your food on a hot sizzling cast iron plate and the food is raw.  They put some garlicky spiced butter on top of the meat and you let the meet cook, turning it with your tongs until it's done to your taste and then you remove it from the sizzling plate onto a plate of rice. My set-up included soup and salad and veggies as well as the beef and a giant pile of bean sprouts.  I was very hungry and everything tasted SO good!  I ate my salad, my veggies and almost all of my beef....but gave my rice to Alyssa.  I tasted the corn soup...which was wonderful...but not on my diet...so I only tasted and didn't eat the whole tempting bowl.  By the time we'd eaten...I was feeling MUCH better and we walked back to the hotel and stopped at Lawson's, a convenience store located downstairs in our hotel building.  We bought water, tea and a Coke-Zero (in a gold bottle!) for the room fridge.  I've been soooo thirsty since we got off the airplane that I could drink an ocean! 
We came back up to the room and Alyssa opened her suitcase of goodies that we brought her and she wrote down directions for us to find her work tomorrow night to meet her for dinner. We snuggled for a little bit....but Steve and I both kept falling asleep (He was snoring loudly.....Alyssa and I giggled!) Alyssa finally just tucked us both into bed and kissed us good night and headed home herself because she had to work tomorrow. Our first evening in Japan went VERY well......now to rest up for the fun parts!!!!

The Apple of Disobedience

It’s been a good minute since I’ve made a blog entry.  I’ve been crazy busy at work and pre-occupied with many, many things and just haven’t taken the time to sit down and write anything.  Today marks 21 days of my prep-diet for my gastric sleeve surgery.  I’ve lost 17 pounds and my patience so far.  The first week I dropped a large amount of weight very quickly….mostly water weight.  Since then, it’s been a struggle of lose 2 pounds, gain 2 pounds back.  Lost 2 pounds, gain 1.5 pounds back.  Each pound lost since that first has been trying, difficult and an emotional rollercoaster ride.  Although I tell myself every single morning that I’m still MUCH healthier than I was before, even if I don’t lose weight……it still breaks my heart to know that I’ve worked soooo hard and yet there is no proof. No encouragement.  No “atta-boy” from the scale.  Also, if I don’t lose 13 more pounds in the next month….the surgeon simply won’t do the surgery.  NO ifs, ands or buts about it.  That thought scares me to no end. 

I have been following the diet prep plan almost religiously……every single day.  Except last night….I wanted an apple.  I tried to justify that an apple is NOT really bad for me…..but I knew that I’d already had all of the calories and carbohydrates I was allowed for the day.  But my rebellious spirit said, “YOU DESERVE THAT APPLE! After all, it’s only a piece of fruit…..it’s not like it’s a banana split or a bacon cheeseburger!  You’ve worked so hard! What is ONE little apple going to do?”  (Made me wonder if that’s how Eve felt? Man! I wish I’d had that insight last night!!!)   

Here’s where I went wrong…..I put the apple out on the counter.  I looked at it.  It was beautiful.  Perfectly formed, red and beckoning.  I look up the caloric content on the internet…..about 45 calories.  I picked the apple up.  I smelled of the apple.  It smelled like apple-scented heaven.  I do love apples!!  Especially in the fall.  I should have put the apple back in the fruit bowl and walked away…..but there I stood….mesmerized by an apple, of all things!!!  So then….I sliced the apple open.  Creamy white apple flesh….crisp – but sweet.  My mouth was literally watering.  Needless to say….I ate the stupid apple. I didn’t just EAT it…I devoured it.  Like a person who hadn’t eaten anything in months….. And I immediately felt guilty and ashamed. 

I knew it was wrong - but I chose to do it anyway.  Full realization hit me that I what I had done was the VERY definition of sin.  And it broke my heart.  I am embarrassed to tell you that I threw myself on the couch and sobbed.  Cried.  WEPT over eating that apple for a full 30 minutes.  I didn’t just cry….I cried myself out.  I cried until there were no tears left.  I cried until my nose was so red and swollen that it looked like an apple!!!  (I did see the irony in that when I looked in the mirror at my red splotchy face once I composed myself.). 

You see, I wasn’t so upset merely because I ate an apple…..in the grand scheme of my nutrition I realize that my 45 calorie apple is nothing but a micro-drop in a very deep bucket.  I was so “tore-up” (as my Granny would say) over it because of what it represented:  my willful, disobedient spirit.  The apple was just the latest remix of the broken-record that has sadly become my spiritual life.  I can sooo understand why Paul said, “The very things I would do, I don’t do!  The very things I would not do, THOSE things – I DO!!!”  How many, many times have I prayed for forgiveness for the very same sin?  (NOT eating an apple, mind you – but doing what I knew I shouldn’t do for no reason other than the selfish fact that I really, really, really wanted to do it). 

After my very dramatic crying-jag last night….after I washed my tear-stained, swollen-up red face and blew my snotty nose, caught my breath and assured my puppy that her Mommy was okay and had NOT REALLY lost her mind……I was FINALLY able to pray (like I meant it and not like I was just doing it because I was supposed to do it) and I felt a gentle sense of peace wash over me….isn’t God’s mercy and grace just amazing? 

I wish I wasn’t so hard headed that I let things get to such a state that it takes a mini-nervous breakdown to get through to me…..I wish I was better at listening to the ‘Still Small Voice’ before I plow head-on into rebellion and need a THUNDERSTORM to get my attention.

On the upside…..my weight was back down 2 pounds this morning…despite my apple indiscretion.  And I feel better equipped to head into the weekend and stick to my guns.  My relationship with God is back to where it should be this morning and that feels better than any weight-loss.  I’m so thankful that His mercies for me are new each morning. I can’t imagine living an existence where I didn’t have a hope that THIS CURRENT LIFE isn’t all there is.  I face today with a heart full of gratitude and a belly full of salad! J

First Few Baby Steps on the Journey to the NEW ME!!!!

Well.  Last week I attended my very first psychologist session.....to determine if I'm mentally fit enough to undergo a major lifestyle change and to make sure that I don't have any deep-seated issues that would keep me from being able to follow the very strict post-op instructions for my Gastric Surgery.  I'm not sure how I did.  The first hour was spent being asked a gazillion opened ended questions about myself and my habits and my preferences and my past.  He didn't run from the room screaming with his ears on fire....nor did I dissolve into a puddle of snotty tears.....so I suppose it went okay.  The second half of the visit was a 3 hour battery of testing.  BOY, did they think of EVERYTHING and then some!!  I took the MMPI and then there were these other tests to determine my suicide risk (low), my cognitive abilities  (the jury is still out), my risk for an eating disorder (worried about this one), and then lastly....an IQ test to make sure I understand all the instructions and the nutrition plan.  Wonder what my IQ is now?  I was tested many, many moons ago when I was in high school.....and was placed in the gifted program, supposedly with an IQ of 152.  But, that was before I had kids.....since I've had 2 children, my brain has turned to muddy mush with the occasional rock and marble thrown in for good measure....so I'm not sure how I scored on that one.  Anyway.....he said that if there were any "problems" with any of my results, I'd be contacted within the next 2 weeks.  So....now we wait to see if I'm crazy!  Hahaha!  Some things are self-evident and don't require a battery of testing, right??

After my extensive psychological testing, I attended an hour long nutrition class with a way-too-perky-27-year-old skinny-as-a-rail nutritionist.  The information was valuable, but I had a hard time with her credibility.  She kept saying, "I know how you feel about....." when indeed, I really don't think she had a CLUE how I felt about any of it.  Anyway.....aside from her over-the-top-way-too happy delivery, it was a good session.  I was given my "prep diet" and was informed that I had to lose approximately 31 pounds before I could proceed with my surgery. I was given a shopping list and a menu that goes something like this:   Breakfast: Protein Shake mixed with protein powder/skim milk/berries/flax oil.   Lunch: 4 ounces chicken or fish, vegetables, 1 whole-grain starch.  Dinner: 4 ounces chicken or fish, vegetables, 1 whole grain starch. And....bonus!  I can have all the sugar-free jello and sugar free popsicles I want. I can also have 1 glass of V-8 juice per day.  I can't have carbonated or caffeinated beverages or juice. I am to drink nothing for 30 minutes before and 30 minutes after eating and certainly nothing to drink WITH my meal.....but I have to drink at least 84 ounces of water per day.  You'll probably hear me sloshing before you see me coming. 

So, I began this "prep diet" on Friday.  And you know what, it isn't all THAT bad....so far. The worst thing about the first 2 days was caffeine withdrawals.  Yesterday the headache was constant and unrelenting despite Advil and prayer......but I made it and didn't give in!!!   I'm only on day 3, of course.  Long-term - this could be crazy difficult to maintain.  Yesterday, I was terrified because it's the weekend...and that means facing eating-out.  I did okay though.  We ate at Wendy's on Saturday after walking for 3 1/2 hours at the zoo....so I was ravenous.  I got a large salad with vinaigrette (the only salad dressing I'm allowed to have) and I wasn't even able to finish my salad.  The hardest part was waiting 30 minutes after eating to have my unsweetened iced tea.  That was the longest 30 minutes EVER.  I hope that part gets easier.  I've always been a "heavy-drinker" with my meals.  I managed okay and for dinner I made Steve a pizza (his request) and I had a bowl of salad with tuna and some vinaigrette and was satisfied!  I had a small cup of sugar free jello and a sugar-free popsicle while we watched a movie late last night....although I was coveting Steve's Triscuits that he kept crunching.  I felt proud that I was able to stick to my guns and get through an entire Saturday that was rife with temptation! 

Today was a bit more difficult.  I wasn't able to have my protein shake this morning....I didn't have any milk at all.  So I scrambled some Egg-Beaters (which can be substituted for 4 ounces of chicken or fish) and topped that with some spicy salsa (also a free-food) and had a piece of whole-wheat toast.  I will just have the protein shake for dinner tonight and swap out the meals, since the nutritionist said that you didn't have to eat the 3 meals in any order.   For lunch today, we went to Red Lobster....and again, it worked out GREAT!!  I had a salad with vinaigrette, broiled flounder (I don't like fish- so I had to put some vinaigrette on the fish too, to kill the fishy-taste/smell), and the steamed broccoli.  I was satisfied and even too full to finish the last bites of broccoli and fish.  Again, the hardest part for me was waiting 30 minutes after eating to drink my water with lemon.  I did wait though...I just asked the waitress to put my water in a "to-go" cup and toughed it out for 30 minutes.  We went to shop in Kohls...so it was more like 50 minutes before I got to drink my water...but when I did...I gulped that water down in one swallow!!  hahaha! We then went to Walmart, where I got another 24 ounce bottle of water and that too was gone in mere seconds.  Maybe it won't be so difficult to drink 84 ounces of water......because after having to wait.....the water was the best I'd ever tasted! haha!  Mind games!  :)

The whole thing about not drinking with my meals is because they want food to sit in my stomach for a longer period of time for satiety....and not wash it on through with liquids.  Ms. Perky-Nutritionist did a cool demonstration with a funnel and baby food.  She poured the baby food into the funnel....and a little bit dripped out the bottom of the funnel, but not much.  Then she poured 3 ounces of water into the funnel on top of the baby food and it all shot out the bottom of the funnel very quickly.  She said that when we drink with a meal, we pretty much do the same thing....wash the food right out of our bellies before we feel full.  Makes sense when I think about it.  It's just a totally different paradigm for me. 

Also, it's only day 3 today....but my scales are making me VERY happy!!  I was down 7 pounds yesterday and another 2 pounds today!!  I know it's water weight....but it's still quite delightful (and encouraging) to FINALLY see the numbers going down, instead of up-up-UP!!!  I can DO this!!!  I even feel a little skinnier!  Hahahaha!!! I know that sounds crazy, but I really DO feel smaller!  Reality bit hard in the dressing room at Kohls when I tried on a few blouses.....but I think that eating healthier and drinking water makes you FEEL better anyway.  Maybe it's just my imagination......or maybe it's simply God's merciful grace to get me through these first few days of what I was thinking would be total depravation.  I am now 9 pounds and 3 days closer to my goal!!!  And that , my dear friends feels AMAZING !!!!!!!!!!!!   I'm going to continue to pray for that grace to wash over me every time my mind wanders and loses it's self thinking about french-fries and nachos....for the french fries and nachos are fickle friends......tasting good....but robbing me of my joy. Ain't gonna let 'em!!! AIN'T GONNA LET 'EM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I can do ALL things thru Christ who strengthens me!!!  I can DO this!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Fall, Autum, Harvest Season

I love the fall of the year!  The briskness in the air, the hint of coolness is such a welcome respite after the long hot summer months!  I love how the leaves start to change colors- how they don bright orange, yellow, red and brown dresses for their fanciful flight from the tree tops to the ground! I love the way the leaves crunch and poof up around your feet when you walk through them.  I love the way it gets dark earlier…as if to beckon us inside where it’s warm and cozy. 

I love the big orange pumpkins and the knobby, warty squashes and the calico-colored ears of Indian corn!  I love the odd shapes and crooked necks of the gourds!  I love the rainbow colors of Mums and the smell of the bales of hay. 

I love caramel apples, apple cider and bobbing for apples!  I love how the air seems to have a spicy-smoky aroma all the time, maybe from the burning leaves.  I love State Fairs with all the animals and the rides and the deep fried foods and the foods on a stick!  I love to see the birds in giant flocks flying south.  I also love to see the geese.....flying high in their perfect V-formations!  I love putting out bird feed to invite the birdies to stop for a rest and a bite to eat in my back yard. 

I love seeing the kids start back to school with brand-spanking new backpacks and shoes!  I love school supplies in general…..the pencils, paper, pens, glue, markers, crayons….I could just go on and on!  I love seeing little kids all dressed up for Halloween: .princesses, witches, Super Heroes, cowboys!  OH they are just ALL so precious!! I love the little fun-sized candy bars that you hand out at Halloween, I love candy corn and I love popcorn balls!

I love acorns, I love hayrides, I love bonfires, I love field trips, I love pumpkin patches, I love fall festivals and I love a big orange harvest moon in a black-velvet sky! I love foggy mornings!  I love the fact that I can wear a sweater and pull out the fuzzy, soft warm socks!  I love hot, steamy fragrant coffee on a crisp, cool morning!  I love mulled apple cider with spicy scents of cinnamon and nutmeg!  I love a big crock-pot full of chili for a cool evening’s supper.

Fall, Autumn, Harvest Season….whatever you call it, it’s my favorite time of the year!!!

Reasons

Why do I want to even consider bariatric surgery???  I have many, many reasons:

1.  I am unhealthy and my health is declining rapidly.  I'm only 43...but I feel like I'm 73. 
2. I am in constant pain with my feet/ankles and legs....they were never meant to carry this much weight.  It is getting to the point where it just hurts to walk.
3. I can't walk up a single flight of stairs without gasping for breath like a fish out of water. 
4.  I hate wearing my CPAP.
5.  I have high blood pressure and high cholesterol.
6.  My kidneys can't handle this much weight either.
7.  My heart beat is irregular....and it's probably because I'm so big.
8.  I am taking medication for depression....and my depression is directly linked to how big I am.
9.  I have no clothes that fit any more.  Even my "fat" clothes are getting too small.
10.  I can't wear pretty shoes because my feet hurt too badly.
11. I can't wear skirts because my legs are too heavy.
12.  I have to go to the "big-girl" store to buy bras. In a size that bras shouldn't come in.
13.  All my shirts look like Omar the Tent maker made them.
14.  It's hard to be professional as a nurse and educate your patients on nutrition and health when they look at you and you KNOW they're thinking, "Yeah.  But look at YOU!"
15.  My friends young daughter said while pointing at me, "WOW! Mom!  She is so fat!" 
16.  I am ashamed of how I look....so much so that I limit my activities in public because I'm embarrassed to be seen like this.
17.  I don't feel sexually attractive. 
18.  I have to request the seat-belt extender on an airplane...and if I ever get seated in the middle seat...I have to hug my arms across my body the entire flight so that I can fit in my own seat.  I've seen seat-mates roll their eyes when they saw that they were sitting beside me.  Ouch.
19.  I can't fit into rides at the amusement park.
20.  I can't sit in our own lawn chair....it has a weight limit of 275 pounds.
21.  I can't go horseback riding.  Wouldn't be fair to the horse.
22.  I have to be careful where I sit at other people's houses....and pray for a sturdy chair.
23.  I cringe when someone wants to take my picture.  I HATE seeing how I look in a photograph.
24.  I actually take showers in the dark...so that I don't even have to see my naked body myself. 
25.  I will NOT be naked in front of my husband.
26.  I have trouble painting my own toenails....or tying my own shoes. 
27.  It takes 2-3 tries to get up from a seated position.
28.  It's almost impossible to get in/out of my husband's small sports car.
29.  I can't keep up with my husband when we go somewhere.  I get tired so quickly and he becomes frustrated with my limitations.
30.  I haven't worn a swimsuit in public in about 5+ years.
31.  I sometimes don't want to even go to church because I feel like I look so awful and huge.
32.  I'm afraid I embarrass my family because of my size.
33.  I'm embarrassed to eat in front of other people.....I feel like they are judging me and what I eat.
34.  I have upset stomach a lot....probably from not eating healthy foods.
35.  My wedding ring is getting too small.
36.  I can't wear a "regular size" watch band. I had to order an extra large one.
37.  I can't buy clothes at regular stores......unless they have a Plus Size department.
38.  I can't wear boots.  My legs won't fit into them.
39.  I have stretch Marks all OVER my body.
40.  I get a heat rash from being fat.
41.  I can't wear shorts in public...no way am I going to show my legs.
42.  I can't wear sleeveless shirts/dresses....my arms are too big.
43.  I take 8 prescription medications...and that is EXPENSIVE!!
44.  I am terrified of becoming a Diabetic.
45.  I'm afraid I will become one of those huge fat women who are confined to their house....I keep having images of the movie, "What's Eating Gilbert Grape."
46.  I have stress incontinence. (If Whoppi can admit it, so can I!!)   It has to be the weight on my bladder that makes it so bad.
47.  I have tried every "diet" out there....at least twice each.  And I have failed and failed and failed.  I'm terrified of failing again.
48.  I want something permanent....I want there to be "no turning back!" I never want to be like this again.
49.  I believe gluttony is a sin.  And I can't stop sinning. I've repented a gazillion times....but still turn back to it.  I'm desperate for help.
50.  I want another chance.  A Do-Over....and I want to get it right this time.