Hurricane Irma

Hurricanes are hard work.

We started preparing for Hurricane Irma on the Sunday, the day before Labor Day.   We filled both cars with gas because we heard that the price of gas was going up due to Hurricane Harvey out in Texas.   We were so uneasy, watching the footage of the damage and flooding and heartbreak of Houston after Hurricane Harvey.   We didn't quite believe that Irma was going to make a visit to us on the west coast of Florida...most of the spaghetti models showed her heading due east towards Miami and up the Eastern coast.  But we were still uneasy.

By Tuesday, the models were all over the place, and some showed Irma wobbling westward, so we began to prepare in earnest.   Steve went online and ordered a generator, camp led lanterns, and filled our giant water containers with clean water for drinking.  Well, the storm was brewing and generators and camp lanterns were hard to come by, so sadly, they would not arrive until after Irma.   It  was becoming pretty certain that Irma was still a Cat 5 and even if she only hit Miami and the Eastern coast, she was wider than the state of Florida, so we would still have some hurricane force winds to contend with.  So I got up very early Tuesday morning and went to Walmart before sun-up and stocked up on non-perishable food items.....tuna pouches, pouches of Swenson Chicken Breast, tins of Spam, Cans of Chili, peanut butter, soda crackers.....stuff like that.

Wednesday evening, I made a trip to the Dollar General store to purchase instant coffee and see if I could find a loaf of bread.  Nary a slice of bread nor a bottle of water could be found for purchase in all of Florida.   I did manage to find some "Fried Green Tomato" potato chips that I bought for Steve, but he didn't like them.  They were merely "okay" but didn't taste like fried green tomatoes in any kind of way.

By Thursday, our Hurricane Disaster Plan was in full-force.   Work became a chaotic zoo....trying to track our 78 or so patients and make sure that each and every one had water, medications, a safe place to shelter, and a plan for post-storm electricity-outages for the oxygen and ventilator patients who would require generators to maintain safely.   We made copies of every patient's medication profiles and copies of their plans of care.....along with hurricane safety instructions and lists of shelters and we sent out clinicians in every direction to deliver a hurricane folder to each patient.  We manned the phones from the time we got to work until the time we left......calling and confirming the plans of each patient so we can find them if the worst of the storm does indeed hit our area.  Being responsible for 78 patients and 20 or so staff members' safety is a heavy burden.   We tried to think of every possible worst-case scenario and tried to come up with a contingency plan for each "what-if."   It was completely exhausting.

By Friday, the threat was eminent.....we had 2 more days to batten down the hatches and the whole state took on a very strange atmosphere.   Some of our clinicians had already evacuated, so I was out seeing patients in addition to my work in my office.  The day was gloriously sunny, the sky was achingly cerulean blue with fluffy white clouds...the waters in the gulf and the bay were sparkling like millions of gleaming diamonds.   We had a good gale sea breeze, but there was no other indication that a beast of a hurricane was headed our way.   Except all the gas stations were completely out of gas.....all the tanks covered and closed.   Many restaurants and stores boarded up early and closed shop so their employees could evacuate and escape.    I made a quick stop at Walgreens for some medicine and some snacks and the lines were long.   Sure, folks had already bought up all the bottled water, but people were buying up the ALCOHOL like crazy!!!

I stood in line behind a little lady who had at least 20 bottles of cheap wine in her shopping cart.....along with an assortment of chips and cookies and other junk foods.  She said, "Girl!  I'm ready for the apocalypse!  I won't care what happens outside with all this wine!"   And the air in the store was expectant and everyone was chatty and friendly with each other......offering advice and offering to help carry things, let folks with less items in front of them.....it was almost festive....like on Christmas Eve!  I fully expected Tiny Tim to jump out and yell, "God Bless us, Everyone!"  But that didn't happen.   My friend DID overhear a near 80 year old man, standing in line to check-out at Publix.....he had a giant box of condoms and a couple bottles of wine and he announced (rather proudly) "I'm ready for the hurricane!  I got my wine, my rubbers, and my weed! What more does a man possibly need?"    Indeed.   That's Florida for ya.

By Friday evening, we had our patients tucked in as well as we could manage and we had plans in place for everyone.   I hurried home after a 10+ hour work-day, now able to turn my focus on getting my OWN home prepared for the storm.   As I pulled in the driveway to my house, I saw Steve, already up on the ladder, fastening the first of the Kevlar coverings over the bottom windows of our house. My husband is honestly the hardest working man I know...he had also worked an entire work-day before coming home to tackle the physical labor at our house.   He took a quick break so that we could go have some Friday night dinner.....but the only place we could find that was open was Tijuana Flats, which didn't hurt my feelings one little bit!  Fully of lovely Mexican food, we came home and decided to get up early and finish our preparations in the morning, as we had until Sunday to get all buttoned up and we were both exhausted from our chaotic work weeks.

We watched as much as we could stomach of the news.......and I must say that there are a few phrases that have worn thin over the last week.   I could go a very long, long time without ever hearing such terrifying poetic rhetoric as "Spaghetti Model" ....."Eye-Wall"......  "Cat 5".....  "Total Devastation"...."Irma" ....."Wind Sheer"..."Staring down the Barrel"......"Shelter in place" .... "Storm Surge"....."Costal Flooding" ..... "Hurricane Party"..... "Wipe off the map" .... "Batten Down the Hatches"...and my all-time unfavorite:   "HUNKER DOWN."   ugh.   Just no more of this.  My psyche can't take it.  I had hurricane-fatigue by Friday night and the storm was still 48 hours out.

We got up at the Tramp-Stamp of Dawn on Saturday morning (which is a term my son coined to mean just a wee-bit earlier than the proverbial "Butt-Crack of Dawn") and I made a huge and hearty breakfast for Steve and a giant pot of steaming, magical coffee for me.   We knew the day was not going to be a fun, relaxing weekend day.  Steve was up and down the ladder all day.....hanging the Kevlar window coverings.  From about 7am until about 10pm, we toiled. We sweated. We worried. We planned.   My duties consisted of making baggies of water to put in the freezer that we could use to keep our food cold in the coolers for when we lost power, emptying the ice trays every time they were set with ice (for the same reason), preparing and baking foods we could eat during the power outage (such as muffins, brownies, etc...), brewing a big gallon jug of coffee so I could at least have cold coffee and not turn into a raging caffeine-deprived werewolf during the power-outage.....helping with the window coverings (okay-mostly holding the ladder and passing tools up to Steve, but I did fasten a few of the ones I could reach from the ground)...and last, but certainly not least....carrying every single item from our lanai into the house for safe-keeping during the expected high winds.   Every pot of flowers, herbs, lime tree, fern.......every chair, table, lounger.....every pool item, every grill implement.....it was like a giant lanai clearance sale:  EVERYTHING MUST GO!!!  My living room and dining room looked like a jungle and someone said that all the extra lanai chairs in my dining room looked like I was ready for a baby shower!    haha!   I also cleaned out our kitchen pantry and made a "safe-place" in case the storm got REALLY bad....swept and Pine-Sol mopped the closet and put down cushions and quilts so we could be as comfortable as possible if we had to be in there for hours on end.   I washed every stitch of clothing, towels, and linens we had.....because we had no idea how long we might be without power and we would need to have clean clothes to wear.    It was a race against the clock to get it all done.  By about 10pm, we still had a few things left to do.....but the storm wasn't supposed to hit until Sunday night....so we figured we had a few hours the next day to finish up.  Church for Sunday morning was cancelled.   Half the congregation was evacuated to other states...the other half were crazy like us....getting everything as ready as we could.

Sunday morning dawned pearl-gray with gusting winds and misting rain...but it was still hot as blazes and the humidity (and barometric pressure) were unrelenting.   The first of the dreaded "outter bands" of Irma were sweeping over. The news was grim.  Irma was still a Cat 5 and she was headed for a direct West-Coast of Florida hit.  We were under the gun.  This was NOT a drill.   

We finished up the window coverings......grilled what foods we could to clear the freezer, for we had no idea how long our power would be out....and in the evening, we spent some much needed time resting.   With the rest of humanity blocked out by the Kevlar window coverings....our world became tiny and cozy. The winds picked up and the rains got harder....but inside our little cocoon, we were safe, snug, and content.   We grilled our supper and then Steve closed the last of the sliding glass doors with the Kevlar.  It was official.  We were bolted into our house with Kevlar over every opening save the Garage doors....but they are heavy-duty hurricane doors.  They would be the only way out of our house until we unbolted the Kevlar.  And then.....we waited.  

We were a little anxious, not knowing what to expect, but we were never panicked or overly anxious.  We had prepared as best we could and felt fairly safe.  We had a plan if the storm got really bad, we would crawl into the back of the pantry.  We weren't in any flood zones and our  house is only 6 years old and was built to very exacting hurricane mitigation standards.

So, we waited.   We watched some TV.....although reception was spotty because we don't have cable, we have an antennae and reception is iffy on a sunny day....and we even managed to watch a couple of episodes of "Call The Midwife" on Netflix before the power went out.  We shared a bottle of wine and a giant bowl of popcorn and we snuggled up on the couch and the rains came down.  Around 10pm, the storm made landfall as a Cat 3 about 3 hours south of us.   The worst was expected for us around 2am.   The winds picked up steadily throughout the night and right before midnight, we lost power.   We lit our flashlights and candles and made our way upstairs.  We felt safe enough to sleep upstairs in our bed.....and after the wine and the food.....we actually had no trouble falling asleep.  We woke up several times during the night to hear the wind howling and howling and the rain beating against the Kevlar.....but nothing seemed amiss.  We awakened about 5am and quickly got dressed.  We waiting for daylight so we could see and then we opened the garage doors and stepped out to survey the damage.

To our (very happy) surprise, our bird-cage over the pool and lanai withstood the winds and we had zero structural damage to our house.  My truck didn't fit into the garage...but it sustained no damage what so ever.  We had 3 trees down in our yard (a small live-oak and 2 oleander trees) and our landscaping flowers/plants took a good beating.....but most everything else was still standing!  We were amazed at God's provision and His sheltering hand over us!!  The power was still out...so we transferred all perishable food items from the fridge and freezer to our coolers (we had them washed and at the ready beside the fridge for just such an exercise) and packed everything in with the giant baggies of frozen solid ice.  Steve started removing the Kevlar from the windows and doors because without power, it was stifling hot in the house and the Kevlar blocked all of the breezes.  There was a steady, cooling breeze blowing all day....but to take advantage of it, we had to get those window coverings off.  We worked all day Monday, taking down the coverings and I took everything back OUT to the lanai that had been stored in the living room and dining room....all the plants, the furniture, the chairs, the gardening tools, sundial, lemon tree...cushions....everything.  It was another unbearably hot and sweaty work-day.   The pool was overflowing with about 6-8 additional inches of water....and the water was ice-cold....but after working like a mad-woman all afternoon, we got into the icy water and it felt heavenly and refreshing!!!  Never had I appreciated jumping in cold water more!!

After we were finally cooled down and all the windows were open, we were able to sit out on the lanai under the shelter and enjoy the breezes.  We still couldn't leave the house (nothing was open anyway......there were downed power lines everywhere...no one in the whole county had power).....so there was still   an almost magical sense of being locked away from the world!   Just the two of us (and Sophie, of course) and we sat together quietly and read, we talked, we laughed....and just thoroughly enjoyed being together without distractions of TV or homework or work or anything.  If only we could bottle that magical essence (without the power outage and all the sweaty, back-breaking work part)!   We felt extremely blessed, we were able to use our phones to access the internet and let family and friends know we were safe and we got the stunning news that Irma had lost a lot of steam, was only a Cat 1 when she came through our area and at the last minute, took a jig eastward to safe us from the worst of the destruction!!  Talk about feeling humbled and so very, very thankful!!  It could have been so much worse.  The pictures of the damage in the Florida Keys were heart-breaking.  We are soooo very blessed.

It took more than a week to find all of our evacuated patients.  But our lives were quickly back into our usual routines.  My heart aches for the folks less fortunate than us....and I am praying for them daily.

10 Things My Momma Done Taught Me (Relfections on Mother's Day)

With Mother's Day rapidly approaching I have been thinking about my Momma quite a bit.  I think about her often anyways....actually, we are blessed to pretty much talk on the phone every day.  All throughout the day, when things happen, or I see something I know she would like or appreciate.......Or I hear a funny joke or do something crazy that I know will make her laugh....I file it away to tell her that evening on the phone.  Tonight, I got to thinking about all the things my Momma has taught me over the years and thought I'd try to make a list.  Here goes! 

1.  My Momma taught me to ignore stupid people and not own their stupid crap.  

When I was younger and kids were picking on me or laughing at me (I know it's hard to believe because I'm so cool now, but I used to be a very nerdy, awkward, and socially inept kid;  shocking, right???).....my Momma taught me that these kids were stupid and not worth my time. She said they teased me because they were jealous of me (on account of how wonderful I was, see?).  So she taught me to literally or mentally just "Give 'em the HAY!  And don't take it back!"  Now that sounds a bit weird- but basically here's how it works:  You'd point your finger at that person accusingly and (in a long, drawn out 50 syllable manner that only a Southern Lady could pull off easily) say, "Haaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy!!!!"   And then you walked off.  And you don't take it back.  That conclusively  marked that person's poor opinion of me as inconsequential and their teasing as ineffective.  And as you walked off, you would mention (rather loftily and snootily while looking up in the distance), "I do believe I see a buzzard!"    Done. Deal. Diss. Burn....For the WIN. 

2.  My Momma taught me to work hard. 

My Momma is the hardest working woman I've ever met.  For most of my childhood, she was both Mother and Father to two bratty girls.....and she often held down at least 2 jobs at a time....working 80+ hours a week in carpet mills (which is hard, back-breaking work by the way) ....just to make ends meet and keep us in clothes and food and housing.  She is 70 years old now and still works more than 40 hours a week most weeks....on her feet, climbing up and down ladders to get shoes for people to try on.   She still works circles around everyone else....always has.  You can't keep her still for a minute.  We always laugh because before you finish your dinner, she is already washing your plate.  She is a power-house and gives everything she does her best effort.  A real-life Energizer Bunny.   She gives 150% and makes it look easy.   She is amazing.  I have learned a lot by watching her work throughout the years.

3.  My Momma taught me to respect others.

To this day, if you are even 1 day older than me or if I am in a role where I am serving you, no matter what age you are........I will call you Ma'am or Sir.   I was raised to do it and I will say it with respect and I can't NOT say it.  I will say please and thank you.  I will hold the door open for you.  If you drop something, I will pick it up for you.  If you need a seat, I will stand up.  If you come to visit me, I will offer you a beverage or something to eat.    If you sneeze, I will bless you. It's not optional.   If I pour us both drinks, I will pour yours first.  My Momma taught me how to be respectful of people...especially my elders.  She taught me The Golden Rule, "Treat others how you want to be treated yourself."  Be friendly and always say hello to everybody, no matter who they are....and do it even if they are mean they are back...because as long as I'm nice, I've done my part.  And the 'Yes Sir' and 'No Sir' and 'Yes Ma'am' and 'No Ma'am' stuff???  That  is also not optional.  If my momma ever heard me say, "Yep"  or "Yeah" or "Whatever" to an older person.....she would gasp in horror and remind me that she taught me better than that.  And she did.  Yes ma'am, She did!! 

4.  My Momma taught me to be a strong woman.

I have seen my Momma be stronger than any woman should have to be.  I've seen her hurt and I've seen her cry.......but every time, after that good cry, I've seen her dry her tears, pick herself up and dust her self off ......and solve her own problems and then (as she would say) "Go on about her Rat-Killin'!"  She is a strong, strong woman.  And an excellent role model. 

5.  My Momma taught me to pray.

From the time I was a little bitty girl, I remember Momma teaching me to pray.  From the first mealtime blessing prayers of "God is Great, God is Good, Let us Thank Him For our Food"  to the every night before bedtime prayer staple of  "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep...."  followed by praying for every member of our family and all our friends, neighbors, classmates, and even pets.    Even now, at least a couple of times a week, she tells me that she is praying for me, my kids, my husband.......and it means the world to me.   I'm convinced that the fervent prayers of many praying Mommas is what keeps most of us out of life's ditches everyday.  

6.  My Momma taught me to laugh.

When we are together....or even on the phone....we laugh.  And we laugh.  And we laugh. And then, we laugh some more.   If anybody ever got a wild hair and thought to listen in on any of our conversations, they'd haul us all over to Moccasin Bend Mental Hospital and throw away the keys!!!  We laugh until we cry some times.  Sometimes we start out crying, but then somebody will mention about that time a grasshopper got up Mamaw's dress caused her to dance a fancy jig out in the washroom......or that time when Papaw lost his britches and yelled, "Dad-Gum, Bea!" in the truck-stop parking lot...........and then we are all laughing again.   We can barely go out together in public without making a spectacle of ourselves.....for example,  Mom took us to Red Food Store to get something and she was writing a check and I looked over at the check suspiciously and then looked at the cashier and then looked at my Mom and said, "Momma, who on earth is Mary Doss and where did you get those checks? (Then, giving her the stink-eye I stage-whispered), "MOMMA!!!  Did you steal them checks?"   That poor cashier....the look on her face!!! She didn't know what to think......it was HILLARIOUS!!  And we laughed all the way home. Laughed until we snorted.  There ain't much hurt that laughter won't heal.  We always get into some meanness along the way.  We always make sure to laugh.

7.  My Momma taught me generosity.

If there are 5 hungry people and only 4 pieces of chicken, my Momma is the one who will declare that she really isn't hungry.  If you are cold, she will give you her own coat.  If she cuts the piece of cake into two pieces to share, she will always take the smaller piece. When I was little, I remember her telling me, "The More you share, the more you will get."  She always thinks of others and puts them ahead of her own comfort.  She has a big, kind, giving heart.  Nobody is going to go hungry when she is around, that's for sure.

8.  My Momma taught me how to cook.

When I was a little gal, Mom would sit on the couch and yell out things for me to add to a recipe.  We'd start with a big bowl.  We'd add butter, sugar, eggs, and flour.  Then random stuff.....chocolate chips, nutmeg, oatmeal, raisins, cinnamon, and nuts.....the kitchen sink!!  And I'd add stuff in and mix it all up and we'd bake all sorts of stuff. She trusted me to put in whatever it was and usually it turned out delicious!   She taught me how to bake cookies, cakes, pies, banana pudding, cornbread.......my Momma is a GOOD cook!  Nobody can make potato salad like my Momma.  Hers is magic.  Pure magic.  Like...."angels blessed it and it will change your life" magic.  Every time I go home, we end up cooking up a storm!  And it's so much fun!! 

9.  My Momma taught me that "Pretty Is As Pretty Does." 

Momma taught me that beauty is more than skin deep......but she also taught me to always use moisturizer and always fix my hair (my mom will not go outside without her hair fixed!! And nobody is allowed to mess up her hair!! ).    But seriously - She taught me that "Pretty is as pretty does" and that any pretty girl who acts ugly isn't  really pretty anyways.   You can't just talk the talk -- you gotta walk the walk.  And you ain't going to be pretty even if you primp and get all painted up and dressed up in Sunday-go-to-meetin clothes....if you are talking ugly and acting ugly......then you ain't nothing but ugly.  

10.  My Momma taught me about LOVE.

If I talk to my Momma 25 times in one day.....I can guarantee you that she will tell me that she loves me no less than 25 times that day.  Every time we talk.  Every time. Even if I'm not being nice.  Even if she gets mad at me.  She still tells me that she loves me.   I know that I am loved.  I have always known that My Momma loves me.  What a precious, lovely gift!!!  Deep down, that's all that any of us want:  to be loved.   My Momma loves me.  No doubt.


My Momma taught me way more than just 10 things.....but you get the idea.  She is one AMAZING woman.   Happy Mother's Day, Momma!!  I love you!! <3 <3 <3

Palm Sunday...memories of my own trip down the Mount of Olives into Jerusalem

This year, we made a pilgrimage, a trip of a lifetime the Holy Land, Israel.   That trip has completely changed my life and the way I read my Bible and the way I relate to the beloved Bible Stories that I've heard all my life.   Today is Palm Sunday and I well remember a couple of months ago, standing on the Mount of Olives, overlooking the city of Jerusalem on near to the same exact spot where Jesus stood that day as he looked out over his beloved city and wept.   I remember the cooling breeze on my face, the sounds of the city below, the birds chirping in the nearby trees......and I remember the overwhelming sense of history and awe that I felt, standing in the same area that He stood so many, many years ago.
                           
View from the top of the Mount of Olives, The Old City of Jerusalem, across the Kidron Valley


We started out at the top of the Mountain, with a magnificent view of the old city sprawling out below us, just beyond the Kidron Valley. The sides of the Mount of Olives and the sides of the Temple Mount are now covered in cemeteries.  The Jews on the Mount of Olives, and the Muslims on the side of the Temple Mount, in front of the sealed-off Beautiful Gates of the Triumphant Entry (also called the Golden Gates). The gates are bricked up and sealed tight for hundreds of years now, and guarded by the dead Muslims graves because they feared that the Messiah would return as promised and would enter through those gates as prophesied, and they didn't want that happening.  Pretty drastic measures, don't you think?  As if a few bricks and mortar and graves could stop the power of our God! 
   

The Beautiful Gates (site of the Triumphant Entry), all sealed and bricked up

We stood there, taking in the scenery and we were approached by a man with a donkey who kept harassing us to "Take a Ride on his Jesus-Taxi" for only $5.    No one took him up on it.....I, for one, couldn't imagine riding down the narrow, steep roads on a donkey as a lark....almost as if poking fun of the way Jesus rode into the city on that day.   I did like seeing the donkey.....and it did bring the story to life for me, as I could only imagine more clearly the donkey he road that day.

Donkey on the Mount of Olives

I have read and heard preached why Jesus came into the city on a donkey.  A donkey is a docile, peaceful animal.  If he had come in on a horse (as he will in the End Times) it would have been a signal of war.  Horses were ridden into war.  Donkeys were beasts of burden, for peaceful times. And he rode the colt of a donkey. People laid their cloaks over the donkey and in the road in front of the donkey and the threw palm fronds down to cover the dusty road in front of him as if welcoming their King.  They lined the narrow streets, waving palm fronds and chanting "Blessed is He who comes in the name of THE LORD! Hosanna, Hosanna!"  Do we stand among the crowd?  Our hearts thrilling to see our King riding by.....tears of joy streaming down our faces as we bow and throw our clothing down to cover the dirty road and as we sing out praise with all our hearts?  Remember that these same adoring crowds on Palm Sunday are some of the same people who cried out just as passionately "Crucify Him!" but a week later.  Oh, yes.  Sadly, we are among the crowd.

The passage down the mount is steep and narrow

Can you imagine how Jesus felt?  He was receiving praise and adulation of the crowds, but He also knew what was coming.  He knew what would happen and he knew the hearts and minds of the people calling out to Him so joyously that day.  I can only imagine Him looking down into the faces of each person, making eye contact and feeling the pain of their inevitable betrayal even then. About half way down the Mount of Olives, we stopped at the place where it is said that Jesus stopped, to look over his beloved city and there, he wept for Jerusalem.  He knew the pain and desolation coming to them.  He knew they would refuse to believe and repent.  He knew they would pay a terrible and horrendous consequence for their unbelief.  And it broke his heart.  This was his creation, his masterpiece. His Holy City.  His people, his children.  His creation.  And they refused to know who he really was.   He said that he longed to gather them under his wings like a Mother Hen would gather her chicks to protect them.  This reminds me of how God hid Moses in the Cleft of the Rock and covered him with His hand to protect him.  Oh, the provision of God for us! 

 Mosaic inside the Church, built where Jesus stood to overlook the city and where he Wept.

                       The passage of scripture describing the events that took place at this spot.

I remember sitting there on the side of that mountain in the coolness of that January morning, just in silent prayer and thinking about the fact that Jesus walked these hills and valleys.  This was his home.  This is where so much of Bible History took place and the fact that I too was allowed to stand there and see these things come to life before my very eyes......it was very humbling.  As I head into this Holy Week, I do so with a mindfulness that I haven't had before.  The stories in the Bible aren't just dusty tales of another time to me now.   They are living, breathing stories with a place in time and space and having walked in the land myself, they are more than cloth pictures on the flannel boards of my Sunday School memories.  What a precious gift!!  Hosanna! Hosanna!!  Blessed is He who comes in the name of THE LORD!

                 Looking up at the Beautiful Gates, now blocked off by bricks and a Muslim Graveyard

                                Looking out over the City of David from the Mount of Olives

my random goals for 2017

goals for 2017

• Positivity and Enthusiasm- I want to be the sunshine in the room, not the sucking black-hole of pitiful complaints.  I want to be radiant and warm the face of everyone I come in contact with in the course of a day.  I want to make people feel special, happy, and cared for.  I want to focus on the best and the brightest and always find the silver lining.  I want to make people smile,  giggle, gaffaw, and belly-laugh until they snort!  I want to reflect the light of Christ in a darkened world.  I want to give hugs to the lonely. I want to touch the tender and hurting and bring wholeness and healing.

• Gratitude – I want to be truly thankful for the blessings in my life.  I don’t want to live with an entitlement mentality – I want to live with a sense of wonder!  A sense of delight!  Everything I have, every moment I live, every breath I breathe, every beat of my heart and flutter of my eyes is a gift!!!  A gift!!  I need to be mindful and thankful for the blessings…little and great!  I am so very blessed!  .   I read a statement today that struck a chord with me:  I want to stop saying “Sorry” and start saying “Thank you” instead…..instead of saying, “Sorry I’m late….”  I will say, “Thank you for waiting for me!”   or saying, “I’m sorry I’m such a mess…..” say instead , “Thank you for loving me unconditionally!”  it will change the way I think about how I feel, and instead of sending out my usual negative vibes, I will send out messages of  gratitude instead!  I looooove the idea of that!!!!                                                                                                                                                                                                     

• Spirituality-  I’m like a faucet with hot and cold running water…..and lately I’ve been lukewarm at best, icy-frigid at worst.  My soul longs for more than mere attendance at church on Sunday mornings.  I need the deep relationship with God that I so terribly miss.  I downloaded a new AP on my ipad today and signed up for some guided studies that should help keep me on track with digging deeper in God's word, spending time in prayer, and really seeking His face.

• Random Acts of Kindness - a few weeks ago, I paid for someone's coffee thru the drive-thru at Dunkin Donuts and then I giggled all the way to work that morning!  It felt so good to anonymously do something...something small and insignificant, but nice for someone!  They will never know who did it and that makes it even cooler! I want to do more of this type of thing!  Generosity feels good!
  

• Awkwardness - I am an awkward being.  I always have been.  I never know what to say, what to do with my hands, how to sit, how to approach someone and say the right thing.......I say the first thing that pops into my head, which is usually something other people consider "odd" or "weird."   But.....I am just awkward.  At this stage in the game of life, it's not likely something I will ever grow-out of....it's been almost 50 years and it's still awkward.  I have really good intentions!  I really do!  I want to make a witty comment, give a sincere compliment, make someone happy......but instead, I blurt out something odd and end up making everyone look uncomfortable.  Sigh.  I need to learn to embrace my awkwardness and somehow, may my awkwardness a bit less.....well, awkward.  Just know that if I ever walk up to you and say something weird, odd, or off-putting...please know that it took a LOT of courage for me to initiate the conversation.....and my heart is in the right place, even if I bumble it.  I just want to have a nice conversation....like people do.  I just seem to approach it from a different angle.   I'm going to try to read up on the "art of conversation" and see if I can become more eloquent through study......I didn't get to actually kiss THE Blarney Stone this year....although I kissed A random stone in the gardens at the Blarney Castle.......but I wasn't suddenly overcome with a sense of eloquence and able conversation....so alas.....I must continue my quest for less embarrassing interpersonal interactions. I'm working on it!

• Boundaries and saying NO  when I mean NO - Hoo-Boy.  This one is difficult for me.  I really, really need to work on this one.  I typically say "YES"....even when I want to scream NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  and I end up resenting the person asking, the task I have reluctantly agreed to take on, and myself for not being strong enough to simply say the word, "NO."   I've never been good at it.  I've always had the overwhelming desire to please everyone...so saying NO seems mean, non-courteous, hard-hearted, and not very polite or helpful.  But sometimes, saying NO when I really, truly don't want to do the task at hand is EXACTLY what I need to say.  I need to learn to say no to inconvenience......and especially when an activity would take time away from my family.  I am very guilty of saying "YES" and then carrying around a grudge for weeks because of resentment.   I need to learn how to gracefully decline without guilt.

• Hobbies  -  I end up neglecting doing some of my favorite things...when my favorite things are the VERY things that bring me happiness!!  I sit and look at Facebook for hours on end....instead of writing, drawing, coloring, taking photos, exercising, creating, reading, cooking/baking, etc.......  I let my laziness get in the way of the joy of creating something with my own hands.  I need to rediscover what hobbies make me happy!!  It may not be the same thing that worked for me 5-10 years ago.  I'm not the same person I was then.  I've evolved, changed, and become someone new! I need to try new things so I can learn what I like and what makes me happy!

• Self-care and self-kindness - this is a hold-over from last year, and the year before that, and the year before that....and so on.............back to....oh, probably in-utero.  I tend to want to take care of everyone around me...my husband, my kids, my family, my co-workers, etc...........and the last person on the list is usually ME.  I don't fuel my body with nutritious fuel, I don't drink enough water. I don't rest enough.  I don't relax and deep breathe enough.  I have started taking a nightly bath.....which is for the purpose of de-stressing.  I need to add in some physical activity to challenge my body, some mental discipline to challenge my mind, and some relaxation to renew my soul and spirit.  I am terribly hard on myself.  The way I speak to myself in my mind would NOT be an acceptable way to address a friend.  That is kind of sad.  It needs work.
  

• Living in the NOW - mindfulness.  being fully engaged.  Not multitasking and being absent-minded, going through the motions.  I want to feel the wind on my face, hear the birds chirping happily in the trees, feel the tickle of the green grass under my feet, and savor the smell of the roses. 

• Joy- hand-in-hand with mindfulness is finding the joy along the way.  Experiencing the sights, smells, sounds, sensations of everyday activities.  I take so much for granted!

• Unplugged time - I spend most of my work-day tied to a computer or phone.  I need to unplug from time to time....allow myself to disengage from the 24/7 news cycle.  it would decrease my stress level immensely.

• Unclutter  - and I need to unclutter my life.  My desk looks like a paper-bomb went off....throwing papers haphazardly hither and yon in my office.  I need to better organize, to straighten, to streamline.  Same in my kitchen.  Same in my closets, same in our storage areas.  My kitchen junk drawers.  My goodness!! How may ink pens that no longer write are in those drawers?  How many purses that haven't seen the light of day since the 1990's?  How many clothes that aren't even in style or no longer fit?  I need to cull through a lot of junk and take stock of what I really NEED.   

Day Dreams

Just thinking and musing and wondering and spacing out….staring into the distance, seeing nothing really, but yet seeing my day-dreams.  What do I dream about while wide-awake?  What shows on the movie-screen of my mind as I zone out and imagine? 

I dream about traveling – going on magical voyages and seeing mystical lands.  I dream about flying freely – like a bird through the bright blue yonder….  I dream about misty waterfalls and gentle babbling brooks and fireflies that dance as the evening dew falls.  Castles that rise from the mist and knights on white horses wooing innocent maidens wearing pastel, long dresses with empire waistlines and wearing regal diamond tiaras that sparkle in the sunshine. Fairies that flit from flower to flower and gnomes that hide take naps behind fat mushrooms in the filtered sun-dappled deep forest.   I dream of flying dragons, good triumphing over evil and the nice guy finishing first.

I dream about peaceful sleep and taking deep breaths of clean, fresh air.  I dream about wide open fields with soft green grass and pretty yellow buttercups on a brisk spring day under bright robin’s egg blue skies.  I dream about rolling hills and wispy soft green leaves that are newly formed on formerly bare branches. I dream about morning fog, rolling across the meadows and low places…slowly dissipating in the morning sun like the vapor that is our lives.  I dream of a newly born fawn, standing on wobbley, untried knees and rainbow-hued butterflies that kiss the upturned faces of the expectant flowers.

I dream about clear blue waters caressing soft, white sands in a never ending, undulating and seductive dance.  Mesmerizing green plan trees swaying in the breeze to the beat of nature’s heart. I dream about the smell of salt and brine and sweetly fragrant jasmine flowers, mingling in the wind as I doze in a hammock in the shade of the trees.

I dream about fields of wild flowers frolicking over the hills and dales…buttercups, jonquils, lilies, lilacs, iris, and wild-honeysuckle. I dream of soft, green moss carpeting the forest floor…dotted with fat, brown acorns here and there.   I dream of billowy, puffy white clouds drifting in a cerulean sky.

I dream of children laughing, calling to one another while they run and play.  I dream of splashing in the refreshing spray of a water-hose and sharing half a banana popsicle with my little sister.   I dream of lying on a quilt in the shade, lost in the adventure stories of Pipi Longstockings, Nancy Drew, and Anne of Green Gables.  I dream of ice-cold grape kool-aid in a paper Dixie cup.  I dream of playing with matchbox cars, making pretend roads in the dirt and gravel and of dressing up my Barbie dolls in an array of splendorous high fashion outfits.  

I dream of coloring pictures in a coloring book – lying on my stomach, concentrating on staying inside the lines and matching the colors.  I dream of creating….of expressing….of becoming.

I dream of cool, sweet, juicy, crisp chunks of watermelon sprinkled with a smidgin of salt.  I dream of crunchy corndogs dipped in yellow mustard.  I dream of a fresh, red, ripe tomato right off the vine – still warm from the summer sun.  I dream of creamy, sweet vanilla icecream made in a churn on the carport.  I dream of fragrantly strong coffee, steaming in a cup - warming my hands on a chilly morning.

I dream of babies – soft, cherubic, cooing,…..smelling like Baby Magic, milk, and bath-time  - all wrapped up like baby burritos in soft, pastel blankets.  I dream of kisses on my cheeks and safe hugs from strong arms.  I dream of lullabies and soft lyrics, being rocked to sleep.

I dream of the coconuty-cocoa butter smell of suntan oil and the faint scent of chlorine from the pool.  I dream of the rough warmed of a beach towel spread out beneath me as I laze and soak up the sunshine. 

I dream of romping puppy dogs and kitty cats, frisky and playful.  I dream of wet noses and sweet puppy breath kisses and wagging tails and fluffy, contented purrs and furry snuggles.

I dream of dreaming…..sleeping, smiling, beguiling, wandering, peaceful and relaxed on a bed of fluffy softness, surrounded by love.   To sleep....perchance, to dream.

My glimpse into the Kaleidoscope this week......

I just spent the past week working "in the field" as a home health nurse to fill in for 2 sick nurses and 1 nurse on vacation at my brand new job.  It was exhausting.....an explanation for my home-care buddies, I was doing an average of 8 points per day on HCHB.....and because I am a rusty-field nurse, the documentation was KILLING me!  But, I got faster and more adept at using my smart-phone to document my visits as the week wore on.....but I am not NEARLY as young as I used to be when I was out doing 8-10 points daily when I first started out in home care.  I did realize a bunch of things this week....and I was reminded time and again WHY I am a nurse to begin with.   Here are a few of my lessons:

Nursing is HARD work.  At one visit, I did a wound vac visit on a stage 4 decubitus ulcer that I could fit both fists into.....practically standing on my head for the 40 minutes it took me to undress, clean, measure, repack, and re-seal the wound.  The patient's only bed was a couch that sat about 6 inches off the floor and he wasn't able to transfer to any other (higher) surface for me to do the wound care.   After about 20 minutes of bending/stooping down in the precarious position, my legs started to shake.....and after about 30 minutes, sweat was dripping off my nose and by the time I finished and the wound vac machine let us know we were successfully sealed tight, I was ready to cry.  I had to limp back out to my car.  My legs and back were sore the rest of the week.  Nursing is hard work.

Nursing is sometimes thankless work.  I saw a patient this week who literally screamed at me; red faced, spit-flying, cursing, yelling.....she was most unhappy.   Her unhappiness was not my fault.....and there was absolutely nothing I could do at that time to fix what made her unhappy. All I could do was allow her to vent her frustrations, while trying to maintain a calm, objective demeanor and offer support.  I left her home feeling like a verbal-punching bag that had been given a royal punching.  I actually cried once I got back inside my car.  Not really because she hurt my feelings, not because she had yelled at me and spit at me in her rage.....but mostly because it was just emotionally draining and I also needed to vent.  So I got in the car,  rolled up the windows, turned up the radio, and did a little 2 minute therapeutic bawling session.  Then I was able to dry my tears, blow my nose, and move on with my day.

Sometimes, nursing is just gross work.   I visited one home that smelled like giant litter-box (and they didn't even have a cat!!) and I visited one home where a poor, pitiful, old, blind bulldog kept scooting and dragging his butt on the nasty shag carpet the entire time I was there. I visited one home where the carpet was so matted and disgustingly dirty that you couldn't tell it was carpet and not a dirt floor.  More than one house had so many roaches that the surfaces of the furniture seemed to be alive with scurrying movement. Some wounds smell like rotting, festering hamburger meat left out in the sun.  Some homes are just like the ones on that TV Show about hoarders - garbage, newspapers, magazines, car parts, empty 2 liter coke bottles, all piled up from the floor to the ceiling with only narrow 1 foot pathways into and out of rooms.  Some old men patients are "handsy" and "grabby" and eagerly hold their arm up for their blood pressure to be taken, always managing to somehow graze your boobs with the back of their hands, no matter how artfully you dodge.

But sometimes.......often times.....usually......nursing is BEST work.   I was thinking about how I am a guest in these patient's homes.  I am invited into their homes during a crisis.....usually right after a major diagnosis or hospitalization or injury.....and my job is to help the patient and family make sense of their new reality and to teach them the skills to cope with their illnes - be it insulin injections, a new and difficult diet, changing an ostomy bag, or how to take their myriad of new medications.  I get to meet them where they live.....in their most vulnerable and intimate spaces...and I get to minister to them.   I get to explain, teach, soothe, treat, explain, touch, care, and heal.

I was thinking about how many different homes I had visited in just the span of a week.  All of the families and patients.....with all of the different cultures, religions, ethnic groups, life-experiences, and back-grounds they represent. And I thought about how I learned so many different things from each patient.

From the multi-million dollar mansion in a gated estate..... to low-rent senior high-rise apartments.... to modest suburban homes... to an RV in a campground..... to a mobile home park...... to what some would call "the ghetto"...to the assisted living facilities.  This week, I have been invited into all of these places to care for someone.  Doesn't that just blow my mind?   How many people in other professions EVER get this priceless chance to see and experience how so many other people live?

Some patients have loving, doting spouses.  Some patients have extended families with children, grand children and great-grandchildren all there to lend a hand.  Some patients live with friends.  Some patients live alone and long for companionship.  Some patients live with significant others or life partners and some patients live with their adult children. Some patients live with their cats or their dog. One of my patients lives with a pot-bellied pig.  One of my patients lives alone...and he is a nudist. One of my patients was a priest and he lives with other retired priests in a home run by the Catholic church.  One of my patients is a Buddhist.  One is an old hippie.  One is a Jehovah's Witness. One just got out of jail.  One is a retired navy-man. One is a disabled vet who lost a leg - he is only in his 20's. Several are Grandmas.  Several are great-grandpas.

Some patients are very private and quiet and want their visit to be over and done as quickly as possible.   Some patients are outgoing and boisterous and love to talk and tell stories and jokes and want you to spend as much time as possible with them, just for the company.  Some patients are warm and welcoming and some are merely tolerant.  Most patients are respectful.

This week, I was offered coffee, tea, water, soda.....and one special lady even wrapped up a piece of homemade rum cake for me to take with me for later (she didn't want me to eat rum cake and then drive).  I was given a piece of fresh coconut at one home - the lady and her family barely spoke English, but the ladies of her extended family were in the kitchen cooking for her and they wanted me to experience a taste of their culture.  One gentleman made me a tiny cup of Cuban Coffee....his specialty from his native country...and that was the most exquisite coffee I've ever tasted....and as powerful as jet-fuel!!  My left eye twitched the rest of the afternoon, but I had some zip and pep!

Each one of these patients and their families gave me a gift - a glimpse into their every day lives.  I've learned that we all have different customs, different values, different religions, different beliefs, different styles of clothing, different languages, different foods, different ideas.......but the glorious thing is that we can still all connect on such a human level!!  Disease, illness, sickness, injury - it happens to all of us.  We may not believe the same thing, we may not look the same, we may not sound the same - but we are all so similar as well in that....we all hurt....we all love....we all sleep...we all eat....we all suffer from the human condition. We are all on this planet together.  

I set out to minister to my patients - but as it turns out, they usually minister to me instead.  I am so much richer for having opened my eyes, mind, and heart to these patients.  The human experience really is a kaleidoscope - ever changing, ever beautiful, ever hopeful, ever poignant...colors shifting and changing shapes over and over again into mesmerizing patterns.

Words I do NOT enjoy

Words I absolutely do NOT enjoy:

Depot -    Because it should be De. Pot.   Or Depo.   No silent T.   The silent T is just sneaky.  I’m not fond of sneaky consonants. 

Island – Same issue as Depot.  It isn’t EYE-land or I-land…..but somehow it’s spelled “IS-Land”  A silent, sneaky S.   Why do we need a silent S?  Nope.  We actually DON’T need it.

Omelet – a wad of congealed scrambled eggs, limply lying on a plate.  As in…Omelet these eggs sit here in the pan and solidify because I’m too lazy to scramble them.  Omelet is just nasty.

 Cinch – whether it’s about the Cinch Bug or you want to say something is easy “as in, “It’s a cinch!”  It just sounds icky.  Cinch. Cinch. Cinch.  Ewwwwh.

Pianist – It’s an simply an awkward word.  PEE-an-Ist?  Pee-AN-ist?   I tend to just avoid the awkwardness all together and say, “That person who plays piano.” 

Caucus – It sounds like a dead body, not a quorum for voting. Caucus.  Yuck.

Gulch – it makes you swallow hard to even say it.  Like when you gag…. just before you throw-up. 

Flesh – There is just something almost sickening about the sound of this word:  Flesh.  Just don’t.

Slaw – As in, Cole Slaw.   Although I do enjoy eating a good coleslaw, it sounds like something you should throw to the pigs.  Sloppy Slaw.  Slaw.  Rubbish.  Garbage. Slaw.

Puce- as ugly sounding as the color looks.  Puce is the color of a healing bruise black-eye – still bruised and bluish, but also pinkish with tinges of nasty pea-green.  Puce.  Who thinks….I really, REALLY love the color PUCE?   Nobody. Ever.

Bangs – as in, what you call the fringe of hair on your forehead.  Bangs?  WHY?????? A gunshot?  Bangs, yes.  A door?  Slam it and it bangs, yes.  Hair on your forehead?  NO.  It doesn’t.  Stop it.

Schmear – like, what you order on your bagel.  It sounds like an accident, not something you’d actually WANT on your bagel.  

Wipe – because.  Ewwwwh. 

Menstruation – It has nothing to do with MEN.  The “Struation” makes it sound like a business transaction – which is obviously isn’t.   It’s just a gross word.  Period.   (Pun not intended – but happy accident!!) J

Colonel – because it’s just STUPID.   It’s not pronounced “Co-lon-el” like it should be.   It’s pronounced Kernel.  Like it shouldn’t be.   There is no R in this word!!!  WHY on EARTH do we pronounce it like there’s an R in this word???

Bologna – along the same lines as Colonel.  Because in what Universe does bologna sound like “Ball-on-ee?”   Ours.  Only ours.   Because. Bologna.

Phlegm – it’s onamatapia (however you spell it!!). It sounds like the disgusting, snotty, slimy thing that it is.

Smegma -  Also as gross as it sounds.  

Soggy – it conjures up visions of mildew, mold, soppy wet and muddy messes.  Soggy bread.  Ewwwh.  Soggy ground.  Soggy anything is just nasty.

Sherbet/Sorbet – Sherbet is just  sham ice cream.  An imposter ice cream.  A less creamy, less delicious stand-in for delicious, creamy ice cream.  And it should have an R in the end of the word:  Sher-BERT.  Because that’s how we say it.   And Sorbet is nothing but uppity sherbet. So snobbish.

Masticate – it sounds dirtier than just chewing.  It sounds shameful.  But we should all masticate our food properly.   Nope.  Still sounds dirty.  

Upholstery – The word makes no sense.  Downholstry?  Sideholestry?  NO?  Well, then why UPholstery?  Dumb word.