It's time time of year again. The week between Christmas and New Years Day when I set aside a good chunk of time and energy to review my life and progress of the past 12 months and look forward to the new beginning offered by the new year.
The New Year has always been some what of a exciting adventure for me. The idea of it anyway. I love the "Clean Slate"....the "Do-Over"....the grace afforded by a new start. It's the same for me when I get an empty journal, a new notebook, and on a smaller scale - every Monday for a new week and on a even smaller scale - every morning when I open my eyes and get to begin a new day. Too often, I find myself dragging yesterday's baggage into the new day....which I don't really have to do. I'm promised new mercies every morning.....I just have to believe by faith.
So, we are approaching a brand new year. 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days.....all full of possibility!! What do I want to do with my life in 2016? I have actually given that a great deal of thought. Here's where I came out after all the thoughts and ideas were shaken down and processed into 10 bullet points:
1. I will not have a victim-mentality any more. It's so cliche and pathetic. I get so wrapped up in feeling sorry for myself sometimes that I get on my own nerves - so I can only imagine how my close friends and family feel about how I behave. Sure, my adult children make choices I don't agree with that that puts our relationships at odds sometimes, but I still love them. Sure, I have some chronic health issues, but I take my medication. Sure, I will always struggle with my weight, so I eat my veggies. Sure, I did not have the idyllic childhood with 2 steady, dependable parents. Sure, I have some deep-seated emotional and mental issues related to past hurts that will likely never heal And sure, I have issues with self-esteem and will likely struggle with this until my last breath. But I can't let these things define WHO I AM NOW. Bad things happen....and will continue to happen. I can't control what has happened to me - but I can control my reaction to it. I can either chose to feel sorry for myself and wallow in self-pity (an exhausting choice, as I can well testify) or I can chose to rise above it. How I react to what has happened is something that I have to own myself.....the days of blaming someone else are long-past. I'm an over-comer! Best be starting to acting like one.
2. Fearless! I want to be fearless!! I have overcome a few pretty deep-seated fears in the last few years - and OH, how freeing it feels!!! I still have plenty of fear-demons to stare down and I intend to do it this year. I don't mean that I will engage in reckless or dangerous activities....that would just be silly. I'm talking about fears more basic than death-defying feats of strength and what-not. I want to take a few calculated risks. I want to overcome the fear of being different. The idea of how I want to address this issue is still in it's infancy formation - but if I take lots and lots of baby-steps - pretty soon, I will have made some pretty wide strides. I don't want to miss out on anything life has to offer! A few risks I've toyed around with in my mind: A. dressing differently (I'm totally boring. Scrubs or predictable dress clothes for work and t-shirts and Capri pants or jeans when I'm off work). I need something jazzy- something memorable. I don't mean immodest or revealing - just different from my every-day over-sized shirt routine. B. I might color my hair an unusual, wild color. Purple comes to mind. That doesn't sound like a huge, big deal to most of you - but to me, it scares me senseless! But it's just hair color, right? I can always wash it out our change the color to something more suitable. C. Trying new things (This past year, I conquered riding roller coasters and snorkeling 2 things I've avoided all my life because I was afraid! What a waste!!) Who knows what new things I want to tackle - but I do want to stretch a bit.
3. Embrace Change! I am one of those people who thrive on stability. Left to my own devices, I'd life in the same house, keep the same job, and eat the same foods day after day. But change isn't always bad......it really isn't something that should terrify me. I should be able to "roll with it" and adapt. Whether it be to a new job, a new city, a new home, a new set of friends.......or something as simple as a change in my daily routine or even the make-up that I wear. Not just change for the sake of change - but change to keep me from becoming stale, stagnant, and too comfortable.
4. Less on-line time, more REAL time. I am so guilty of being glued to my ipad or computer screen waaaaaay too much of the time. I need to take an honest inventory of how much time I fritter away scrolling through my news feed or browsing pins on Pinterest.....and I need to ask myself if it is worth it. Time is a currency that once I spend it.....it is gone for ever. I need to invest my time in things that will yield dividends - not in frivolous pursuits. I'm not "giving up face-book" or swearing off Pinterest forever.....that would be madness at this point. Hahaha!! I do want to better budget my on-line time so that my real-life time takes priority.
5. Self-Care . A vague category that can encompass all of the health-related changes I need to embrace, including: diet, exercise, rest, sleep, prayer, recharging, treating myself gently, the way I "talk to myself" in my own head, and how I care for my body. This body isn't getting any younger and some of the parts need more maintenance than they used to. I should make a promise to get my "oil changed" every so many miles and to make sure I have sufficient tread on my tires and energy in my spark-plugs to keep on truckin. (Thus ends my knowledge of auto mechanics, and thusly ends this very painful metaphor).
6. Passion. I need more passion in my life. NOT that kind of passion, silly!! (Tee-hee!!) But passion for my daily activities. So much of the time, I find myself simply "going through the motions" of work, of writing, of cooking, cleaning, etc.....that I lose the joy of the activity. I'm so focused on reaching the finish line that I miss the joy of the journey. I have my mind on 10000000 other things instead of what I am doing. I need to drill down into my soul and tap into the things that make me happy. The things that click my buttons and turn me on, things that make my heart beat faster, and things I look forward to doing....these are the things I need to pursue with my whole heart....my WHOLE heart, not just half-heartedly.
7. Socialization. Whoo-boy. This is an ouchy-one for me. I am very introverted most of the time. I can "fake-it-till-I-make it" in most settings......but deep down, I'm most comfortable at home on the couch with my husband and my puppy dog. But on the flip-side, I am also terribly, terribly, horribly lonely. I miss having girl-friends to dish with, friends to share my thoughts, hurts, and victories with. I miss having a "Squad." (Okay - to be honest - I have never really had "a squad" - but Oh. MY. Lanta, how I want one! Doesn't that just sounds amazing??) I will need to approach this one with baby steps as well. Small outings, inviting folks over....putting myself out there. Risking rejection (....aaaaaaaaaand there's the ouchy part for me). We are starting tomorrow. We have been invited over to our neighbor's house for drinks. And we are going to go!! Even though it will be awkward and I won't know what to say or do. Even if I say and do it all wrong - at least I'm trying!! Maybe it will be fun! In the very least, it's a step in the right direction for me. And I need that right now. The isolation and loneliness has been magnified by the holiday season and it's been though. Will I ever become a social butterfly? Not likely - but at least I won't be a recluse.
8. Creativity. I used to be waaaaay more creative. I used to play the piano; I used to draw. I used to cross-stitch and I used to paint. I used to arrange flowers and do crafts. I used to make and decorate cakes. And now......now I'm a lump. An unmotivated lump of quivering indecision and inertia. So, to counteract the inertia - I have already lined up 2 projects that have deadlines early in the year so that I will hold myself to completing at least a few creative endeavours this year.
9. Balance. Work-life balance. Diet-Exercise balance. Treat- Work balance. All work and no play makes Amanda a dull girl - but all play and no work makes me a poor girl. So I need to strike a balance on the scales of justice and even out my life. I get paid a salary to work 40 hours a week, but most weeks, it ends up being 50-60 hours a week at the expense of my family and rest time. That's not balanced. I diet and watch my food intake, but come home from work and collapse on the couch until bedtime. That's not balanced. I understand that regular exercise will help my pain and will help my weight-loss efforts, and will help my mental health and general outlook on life - but despite knowing all of these things - I would rather be a slug on the couch. That's just not balanced. I need to balance better. It ties in with self-care and passion....and all of the other items on this list, really. I feel like if I can get this one area under control, it will help smooth the transition for all of the others.
10. Adventure. Adventure - it's what my soul CRAVES. We have at least 1 big trip on the books already this year - a British Isles Cruise including Paris has already been booked for August! for 12 nights and 10 port cities!! It's the trip of a lifetime!! Not sure what other adventures this year holds - maybe a few weekend trips will be tucked in as well....but still in the planning stages. Lots of variables in the mix - but we will use the variables to our advantage and see where the winds take us! Also, we will continue to explore the areas around us.....plenty to see and learn and experience in this wide-wide world!
So these 10 items are what I chose to focus on for the next 12 months. Wish me luck, wish me well, and wish me love!!! Happy New Year and Happy 2016 to all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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