Peace on Earth ??

Christmas time is here…happiness and cheer.   Or maybe not.  Sometimes it’s just another season.  Just another month.  Just another day.  Nothing special.  I think sometimes our expectations of what we think the Holidays SHOULD be like set us up for disappointment.  Maybe we watched too many Hallmark Christmas movies, too many cheesy sitcoms where all the problems are all solved in 30 minutes and everyone learns a happy lesson and they all sing “Peace on Earth” at the end.  Real life tends to be a bit messier.  A bit more real.  A lot more disappointing. 

In the movies, the relatives always make it home just in time to celebrate the big day; in real life…the relatives are in a nursing home, deployed in a war zone, or even in jail.  There’s no heart-warming home-coming….just cold loneliness.  In the movies, there’s always heaps of presents under the tree and the kids always get EXACTLY what they wished for!  In real life, sometimes the money runs out because the bills take priority over any luxuries and the parents work their hardest, but just can’t swing the cost of newest and the best.  Spouses leave. Companies lay-off.  Mortgages are due. Cancer afflicts. Drugs and alcohol steals personalities. Teens get pregnant. Cars get wrecked. Beloved pets die. These things keep happening with no respect to the date on the calendar. 

Sometimes…..sometimes even those of us with new presents, a house full of relatives, shiny new cars, more than enough to eat, and seemingly “normal” middle class lives feel the sting of December’s disappointment.  We can go through the motions…putting up the tree, or putting up several trees, decking the halls, singing the carols, baking the cookies, wrapping the presents, hanging the wreath, mailing the Christmas cards…and we’re still left with no Peach on Earth in the middle of our Silent Nights.  Outwardly, we’re doing all the right things: going to all the right parties, churches, seeing all the right plays, watching all the right Christmas specials and baking all the special foods…but inwardly, we’re as cold and sad as the ripped and crumpled wrapping paper in the trash the day after Christmas. 

What are we missing?  What elusive experience are we chasing?  What can we do to make it so perfect in our homes that Normal Rockwell would clamor for a chance to paint our portraits around our Christmas dinner table? 

Why is it that even surrounded by blessings, by loving families, by comfort and plenty, and good health…..why is it that even then, we’re not really, truly happy or peaceful feeling down deep inside ourselves?  What would it take to defrost the ice on our hearts? What would have to happen to shake our very souls and give us an actual feeling of peaceful rest? The perfect gift? The perfect slice of cheesecake? Reconciled family members? Well behaved children? Winning the lottery? Becoming the next American Idol? Writing a best selling book? Making the Olympic Gymnastic team?  What on earth would it take to guarantee happiness?  Is there any THING that can make and fulfill that impossible promise? If it’s not a thing….what about a person??  Who would it take to thrill your heart?? Your soul-mate? Your best friend? Your estranged father? Your child? Your puppy?  A movie star? A long-lost lover?

Or is it something that has to come from within?  A stronger will? More faith? More motivation? Stronger resolve?  Creativity? Intelligence?

Or would any of these make any difference at all?  Are we as humans programmed with a longing for something more than this world can offer?  I tend to think so.  I believe that we will never been 100% completely satisfied and peaceful while on this earth.  I believe that we were created with eternity set in our hearts and we will spend this lifetime striving to find the peace and rest that we will reach only when this lifetime is over. Perhaps this life is for trouble and strife, working and longing….and eternity is for peace, worship and rest.  

Christmas, when focused on eternity….reminds us that we were created for so much more than this imperfect life.  We’re reminded that God would take on flesh and blood and become human as one of us to draw us to Him.  It’s mind-boggling to me that the baby born in a stable so long ago is the God of all creation and that He was born to die….born to die in MY place….born to die so that I could live.  When I focus on this true meaning of Christmas, I find my heart is a bit more peaceful…my mood less pensive and more thankful….I find that I am no longer saddened by my less than perfect circumstances because I’m in awe of the sacrifice of an immortal deity becoming so human…solely for my sake. Have I ever known such perfect love or felt such perfect peace as this?  Nothing can compare.  The weight of the glory of that moment blankets my heart in warmth and stills my wandering mind.   

Recycled list of 100 things about ME. Completely self-indulgent. :)

1. I hate Uncle Sam, Sock Monkeys, Steam-Rollers (or “Scare-Buggies” as I like to call them), oingy-boingy toys and Jack-in-The Boxes.   I have had bad dreams about all of these things at one time or another and they totally freak me out.
2. Sunrise and Sunset are my favorite times of the day.
3. I am actually shocked that I am 43 years old.  WHEN did that happen??  I don’t FEEL middle-aged; sometimes my reflection in the mirror catches me off guard and I think, “Who IS that old woman?”
4. I actually enjoy watching Bill Myer’s show on HBO.  I know he’s an atheist and a dem/lib…..and I disagree with SO much that he has to say…but some of it is smart and some of it just cracks me up and I find the show intellectually stimulating.  I especially like the segment “New Rules.” 
5.  I’ve always wanted a car painted glittery-hot-pink or purple. (You know, like the paint they use on speedboats?? Metal-fleck stuff?) OH yeah. 
6. I cry.  A LOT.  Happy-Cry, Sad-Cry, Mad-Cry, Surprised-Cry, Whiney-Cry, Sorrow-Cry, Worry-Cry….I wish I had more control over my tears.
7. I have a burning desire to write/publish a book.  Several books.
8. I hate being alone. 
9. The best thing about summer for me is fresh produce!  I love, love, LOVE cucumbers, tomatoes, corn-on-the-cob, okra, etc. etc. etc fresh from the garden!!  I miss canning vegetables with my Granny.
10. I found a dead body in our back yard when I was a small girl.  Scared the wits outta me. I was terrified to go outside for months.
11. I am finally comfortable with WHO I AM, but still not how I look.  I wish I was ½ my current size.  L  Not being able to lose weight is my biggest disappointment in life.
12. I hate organized sports.  Don’t like to watch sports, don’t like to play sports, and mostly I don’t understand why otherwise normal folks get so ga-ga over sports teams. 
13. I love the ocean, but am afraid to get in it.  The thought of jellyfish, sharks, piranha, barracudas, crabs, sea monsters and Sponge Bob being “out-there-somewhere-in-the-deep” scares me right back out onto the sand. 
14. I want to travel the WORLD!  I want to see it all!  Mountains, valleys, oceans, villas, castles, rivers, jungles, tundra, dessert, rainforests……I want to see it ALL!!!
15. I used to make up a wild “testimony” in Youth Group because I thought my own life was too boring.  Looking back, I wonder WHAT on EARTH those teachers thought when I “confessed” all my wrong-doing! Hahhaha!!!
16. Beth Moore is one of my all-time favorite writers/speakers.
17. Christmas is my favorite holiday.  I love Christmas carols so much that I’d listen to them all year round if my husband and kids wouldn’t have me committed for it !  haha!!
18. I can’t sew.  I’ve always wanted to…I’ve tried to…..but it always ends in disaster with a seam-ripper and a lot of tears.
19. I used to smoke cigars from time to time in my early adulthood.  But, much like Bill Clinton….I never inhaled. (But THAT folks, is where the comparison to Bill Clinton and cigars stops.  Just sayin.)
20. I’ve never tried any illicit or illegal drug of any kind.  I was a goody-two-shoes! J
21. I used to be so jealous of my friends who had an “intact” family.  I really, really, really hated “Father-Daughter” events because I didn’t have a dad at home.
22. To this day when I’m scared at night….I cover up my head with the covers…..like THAT’S going to save me. Haha!
23. I love prunes.   There.  I said it.  They are like natures’ candy!  (albeit with some untoward side-effects if you eat too many).
24.  Banana popsicles are my favorite flavor.
25. I’m an avid reader…often reading 4-5 books per month.
26. I’ve always wanted to be the person who gets to name paint colors, make-up colors, carpet colors, etc….. how FUN would that BE?? 
27. I hate wearing shoes. 
28. I am enjoying my “empty-nest” phase of life….but I often get lonely and I miss my kids terribly sometimes.
29. I want to learn to paint! 
30. I’ve always wanted to sing well enough to sing with Steve just ONE time….but alas….I can’t carry a tune in a bucket! I have a tendency to change keys a lot (where I’m not supposed to) and it sounds awful.  But when I’m alone…I sing! I sing LOUD and sometimes I even dance too!  J
31. I have a pair of blue-velveteen short-shorts with “BootyLicious” spray-painted across the butt in red and gold glittery paint.  Upon occasion, when I wanted to mortify my children….I would pull them out and threaten to wear them in public.  I still have them hidden in my drawer!
32.  I adore eating out in restaurants!!! 
33. I get absolute JOY from encouraging other people.  I love it when I can brighten someone’s day or make someone smile! 
34. My husband is my very best friend.  I tell him everything, trust him completely, admire and respect him greatly, and love him so much that I can’t even express it in mere words.   
35. I love to write corny poetry. I have 3 entire journal books full of corny poetry that I’ve written over the years.
36. I’ve been skinny-dipping once.  Once was enough.
37. The one time I ever toilet-papered a yard, we got caught.  By the police.
38.  I’ve always wanted to go to one of those dinner shows at Medieval Times….but we’ve just never done it!
39.  I love acting and I miss getting to participate in dramatic arts.
40.  Although I occasionally have an alcoholic beverage, I have never been drunk.  Ever.
41.  I like to watch reruns of shows like “Family Ties”, “Golden Girls”, “The Cosby Show”, “Alf” , “Mork and Mindy”, “Happy Days” , “Laverne and Shirley”, “I Love Lucy”, “Andy Griffith”, etc…etc…etc.   
42.  I am a sucker for cartoons.  
43. I love to bake…especially cookies and cakes!
44.  I do not like rollercoasters.
45.   I refuse to watch scary movies….no horror flicks, no movies where people get hurt.  There’s enough pain in this broken world without me having to watch fictional accounts.
46.  I miss my Mamaw terribly.  There’s not a day goes by that I don’t think of her.
47.  I love long car trips with my husband!  We always have the best time!
48.  I love to get pedicures and I love to get massages.  Maybe I just like paying people to touch me?? Haha!  Okay. That sounded MUCH weirder than I intended.
49.  I am a very loyal person and I value friendship very highly.
50.  I love to collect things.  I am NOT a pack-rat or a hoarder (as I have been unfairly accused!) haha!  I have boxes of teapots, porcelain dolls, teddy bears, lighthouses, Precious Moments, Cherished Teddies, etc. etc. etc.
51.  I am very sentimental.
52.  In the winter I enjoy a steaming cup of hot tea before bedtime….either peppermint tea, almond sunset tea or Earl Grey.
53.  I love to take pictures!!  (Not be IN them….but take them).
54.  I do a crossword puzzle almost every evening.  I hate everything about numbers…but I made myself learn how to do Soduku puzzles because I felt I needed a challenge.
55.  I used to work at Hills Department Store in the toy department.
56.  I CAN NOT STAND bullies, racists, or meanies.  All God’s children (rich, poor, black, yellow, white, smart, disabled, athletic, ugly, pretty)…we ALL need to play nice and get along.  Don’t be mean to ANYBODY. EVER.  It just ain’t right.
57.  I don’t really like Starbucks coffee.  It kindda tastes like acidic mud to me.  The frozen ones are okay….but not all that.
58.  I love being creative…whether it’s drawing, painting, decorating a cake, making crafts, etc…..  I may not be good at it all….but I do enjoy the effort!
59.  I love seeing precious little girls all dressed up in frilly dresses and bows.  So sweet!  And I love seeing little fellas dressed in shorts and cowboy boots! Nothing cuter!
60.  I’ve only ever gotten 1 speeding ticket in my life (and it was about 2 months ago).  I cried all the way home.
61.  I coveted my cousin’s Ms. Beasley Doll.  I always, always wanted one.
62.   I am not fond of Chocolate.
63.   I am allergic to Sulfa and Cipro.  They cause me to break out in hives and look like a plucked chicken!
64.   I once tried to wax my underarm hair when I was 14.  Notice I say ONCE.  Burned my pits with hot wax and then the wax wouldn’t come off and stuck to my clothes for a week….and it hurt to put my arms down by my sides! What a mess that was!!!
65.   I once accidentally full-on “mooned” a mailman.  It was completely accidental and I was utterly mortified.
66.   I love Cream Soda, Root Beer, Grape Soda, Gingerale, Orange Crush, and Fresca!
67.   I have ridden a mechanical bull.
68.   When I was a little girl, I had a huge MatchBox and Hot Wheels collection!  I used to build “roads” all in the gravel driveway and build towns and have a blast with those little cars!
69.   I had a Donny and Marie lunch box, Donny and Marie Barbie Dolls, and every issue of ‘Tiger Beat’ and ‘Dynomite’ that had a picture of Donny Osmond in it! J
70.   I loved elementary school cafeteria food.
71.   I was 21 years old the first time I saw the ocean…Cocoa Beach in Florida.
72.   I love the writing of Lucy Maude Montgomery and want to visit Prince Edward Island sooo badly!!!
73.   I love the sound of Kettle Drums…..it’s like an instant vacation whenever I hear them!
74.   I struggle daily with anxiety and depression…and then feel guilty about feeling depressed and anxious when I am so blessed, and that makes me……ANXIOUS AND DEPRESSED!  It’s a vicious cycle!
75.   My very first car was a 1976 Camero.
76.   I went to a casino once and put a quarter in the slot machine and pulled the arm down….just so I could mark it off my “bucket-list.”   Didn’t win.  
77.   I once made a  chicken-dish so awful that my kids and husband refused to eat it after the first bite.  It tasted AWFUL. We threw it away and I cooked something else.  You win some, you lose some!
78.   Watermelon is my favorite food.
79.   Sometimes, when I’m in a stuffy, formal or professional setting, I have to stifle the urge to jump up and yell (really loud) HOOGITY-BOOGITY!!!!! Or something equally disruptive and inappropriate.  I guess I just want to see the startled looks on people’s faces, I don’t know.  The thought just has some unapologetic appeal to me.
80.  I’m a list-maker. Keeps me on-track.
81.   I enjoy snooping around antique stores….I wonder about the story that each old item has to tell.
82.   I love trying different foods from around the world!
83.   I have always wanted a cotton candy maker!  I loves me some cotton candy!
84.   I do not like video-games.
85.   Since I moved back to TN from Texas…..I don’t really miss Whattaburger at all.  But I do miss Taco Bueno!  (And I seriously miss my Texas friends most of all.)
86.   I never cared for Elvis’ music. Not a big fan. 
87.   Some people think I’m a (gasp) NERD.  I embrace that. J As Popeye would say, “I yam what I yam.”
88.   I could spend an entire day in Hobby Lobby….just looking at and dreaming of all the possibilities!
89.   Sometimes, I honestly fear that I’m a hypochondriac.  It worries me.
90.  I love driving around the countryside…seeing the old barns, the cows in the fields, gardens, hay bales, little creeks, horses….it makes me feel happy and relaxed.
91.   I still tear-up a bit when I hear ‘I’m Proud To Be An American” on July 4th and also when I hear, “Butterfly Kisses” and “Watercolor Ponies” and “Amazing Grace, My Chains are Gone.”
92.  I like to pretend that I know how to speak Spanish.  I only really know enough to be dangerous! J
93.  My think that my greatest achievement in life has been raising my 2 beautiful, strong, healthy, independently minded children to adulthood.
94.   I am blessed beyond all measure with a loving husband, children who love me, an entourage of amazing friends, extended family, and way more than I need of everything. 
95.   When I am sick or I don’t feel well, nothing in this world feels better than my Momma holding my head.  She has magical healing in her hands! J
96.   I once danced in a stage production of “Fame” when I was in the 8th grade and I just LOVED it!
97.   I can still do the splits!! 
98.   I love the way crayons smell.  Actually, I should just go ahead and admit that I have a “school supply” fetish and be done with it! Haha!
99.   I love the smell of freshly washed laundry! 
100. I realized when making this list that I am fairly BORING and most of these items are inane

I'm the Worst Blogger EVER.

I'm pretty sure that I qualify as the world's WORST BLOGGER EVER.  It's been over a month since my last entry.  I had such high hopes.  Such lofty plans.  Such noble ideas!  I was going to make an entry into my blog each day that I was in Japan to record every detail of my fantastic journey so that I could remember every single thing forever!!  I wrote the first day.....and then I was so tired and exhausted from all the walking and sight-seeing and jet-lag the rest of the trip that I never even wrote another word.  And since I've been home a month......I still haven't taken the time to put it all down on paper.  I'm terrified that I'll forget most of it before I ever find the motivation to get it all written.  I have the photographs though!  Three thousand of them, to be exact!! Hahaha!!!  The trip was amazing.....the trip of a lifetime! 
Since I've been home....things have been on fast-forward.  I came home expecting to have my gastric bypass surgery the week after I returned home....only to be devastated by the fact that my insurance had denied it and my surgery was cancelled.  I had to jump through a million hoops in the three weeks following that....and FINALLY got it approved!  I'm scheduled to have the surgery on 12-15-11....a week from tomorrow.  I've been on my liquid prep diet for a week now and I'm totally miserable with it.  I'm ready to have this over and done with.  They are supposed to remove the part of my stomach that produces grehlin...the hormone that causes you to have an increased appetite.  I am sooooo looking forward to getting rid of THAT!!!  I am hungry all the stinking time!  Since I can't eat solid food.....I find that I'm obsessing about it all the time.  I even DREAMED about cheesy nachos night before last!!!  How messed up is that?? 
I'm beginning to realize that I have such a complicated relationship with food that it's going to take a while to sort this all out. I suppose Food has always been my "comfort"....it never judged me, never laughed at me...never left me, and always satisfied me..at least for a while.  I used food to fill up all the empty places in my spirit.....and ended up OVER filling!!!  I have been so full of food that I've been depleted and empty of other, more important things.  Now that I can't use food to make myself feel better....I find that it's almost like I am grieving for food!  I've been really depressed and anxious and very uncharacteristically irritable. I miss my old friend!!!  We've had 43 years to bond and I miss eating!!  The protein shakes aren't awful...but they only satisfy my nutritional needs...not my emotional ones.  I've had a very few "not so proud" moments in the last few weeks.....and I've come to see just how awful my dependence on food is. Not my physical dependence on food for survival....but my dependence on it as an assistive device..a coping mechanish...a crutch.  I have sat and actually CRIED this week because I can't eat what I want to eat.  I've been angry with thin people because they can eat what they want. I'll even admit that I've done a nauseatingly large amount of feeling sorry for myself. I've thrown myself a huge pity-party and sadly invited everybody I've come in contact with.   I told my puppy all about it...and she's a good listener, but Sophie doesn't offer much in the way of advice.  I'm really glad that she can't talk....at least my secrets are safe with her!  haha! (Although...I'm sitting here telling "you".....which is probably about 2 people, max!) hahahaha!

Needless to say.....my "getting a grip" and dealing with my life-long food issues and baggage is long over-due.  I'm trying my best to come clean.....and I am hoping that next Thursday when I have this surgery, my life will drastically change.  Well, that's not really the whole truth.....it already has started changing.  I'm taking an honest look and seeing where I've replaced important things (such as love, my relationship with God, trust, my self-image, my confidence, etc....) with food.  I am seeing it clearly for the first time in a long time...and I will be completely honest...I don't like what I see.  I don't like it at all.  I'm so ready for this change.  I'm ready to start living LIFE and quit hiding behind 300+ pounds of shame.  I am proud to report that as of this morning, I've lost a total of 38 pounds already!!!  I'm feeling better and had a small taste of success.  God is so good, merciful and gracious to me to allow me to have this second chance!!! 
I've taken the first few steps on a very long journey!! A journey that I'm glad to be on!!  Bon Voyage!  :)

We had a marvelous time last night meeting Alyssa's coworkers and students!  We arrived a bit early....we were a bit worried about finding the right trains and getting the transfers correct...but in reality, we had no problem at all finding her office building.  It's a giant pink building beside a teeny-tiny McDonalds.  Her office is on the 5th floor.  We got to meet her manager and 2 of her coworkers and then we set out for dinner with 3 of her female students and another employee, Liam.  Liam is from Seattle and he's teaching here just like Alyssa.  We went to one of Alyssa's favorite places to eat in Nisshin....sort of a bar/restaurant/pub type place.  She knew all the workers and they all greeted her, laughing and giggling in rapid Japanese. After many introductions, more giggling and bowing...we shed our shoes and climbed up into the loft-area where our tables were located.  The tables were low to the ground and we sat on cushions around the table.  At least there was a recessed area under the table for our feet, so I didn't have to kneel on my knees all night...but I noticed  that most of the Japanese girls did.  They brought out our drinks and Alyssa's students were in charge of ordering the food.  They ordered about 8 different foods for us to try!  First, they brought out a giant slice of raw mackerel and then the waitress got a giant blow-torch and lit it up and cooked the fish right on our table!  It was something to see, for sure!  The fish tasted very fishy....but I put some sweet soy sauce on it and thought it was quite good! Yes, I did!  I ate fish!!!  haha!  Then they brought 2 large salad bowls.  The salads had all kinds of greens, diakon sprouts, lettuce, arugula, cherry tomatoes, and there were tiny bits of potato salad mixed in and it had a creamy white dressing.  I ate a lot of greens!  Then they brought out some soup.  The soup had a thick gray jelly-like substance in it called Congyac (spelling??) that looked nasty, but tasted very good!  Once I got past the jello-like texture, I enjoyed it quite well.  The soup also had large carrots, diakon and tiny pieces of beef in it...and the broth was very rich and beefy. Next came a big plate of tofu covered in Norri strips and Kim chi.  I have never had Kim chi...turns out....I LOVE KIM CHI!!  It was so yummy!   Then they brought some small pieces of fried chicken...which tasted like....fried chicken nuggets!  haha!  Somethings are universal, I suppose.  After that, they brought out a giant sushi platter with about 6 kinds of fish.  I passed on the raw fish...but really enjoyed the diakon and there was this green leaf that was a vibrant neon green....and you take that green leaf and roll up some diakon (Japanese white radish- tastes very sweet and not radish-like at all) and you eat it like a little leaf-salad sandwich!  OH my goodness!!! SO good!!!!  Very herby and refreshing!  There was a seafood pizza....a pizza made on Naan bread covered in fish and cheese.  I passed on this dish because I am not supposed to have bread or cheese...but it looked tasty!   The next course was some type of fried eggs with diakon on top and some sort of sweet fish broth.  I wasn't really hungry anymore...so I didn't sample that, but Alyssa professes that it's one of her favorite dishes.  I just couldn't wrap my head around it.  haha!  After meal, we had to leave in a hurry because the last train left the station bound for Sakae by 11:30pm and we were more than 10 miles from our hotel....NOT a walk I wanted to make.  We ended up making the first train, but missed the last train at our transfer station and had to walk about an extra 30 minutes to get back to our hotel.  It was a nice walk though.....and we got to see the night-time lights and bars and clubs all lit up....along with the Farris wheel!  By the time we got back to our hotel room, it was after 1am and we had plans to meet up with Alyssa at 7am tomorrow morning for a full day of sight-seeing.  I forgot to bring my camera cord to upload pictures to the laptop....and this lap top doesn't have a drive for the memory card...so I have over 300 pictures to share....but no way to get them out of my camera just yet.  I'm going to ask Alyssa today to see if she has one we can borrow...and if so, I'll post pictures of last night's meal.  It was a meal like I've never experienced before...very exotic and very good!  The warmth of the Japanese people we've met so far is very charming.....everyone is so polite and accommodating.  And I can't get over how clean everything is!!  I am excited and waiting on Alyssa to get here this morning to take us on another adventure!
Sayonora for now!!!  <3

Konichiwa, Y'all!!!!!!

Woke up this morning at 7am feeling very refreshed and rested!  The shower in my hotel room felt  AMAZING, if a little small- and the shampoo, conditioner and body soap are quite fancy and smell like a little bit of spa heaven! I felt like a new woman after a hot shower!  We took our time getting ready and decided to strike out on foot to explore the immediate area this morning.  I had a Cliff bar (recommended by my nutritionist) for breakfast so that I could take my medication.....and we set out! The morning air was perfect for a nice walk! It was about 65 degrees, sunny and a light breeze.  The sky is that very pretty azure blue today with not a cloud to be seen!  We walked up to OASIS 21, Central Park and the Nagoya TV tower, taking in all the sights, sounds, smells and colors along the way.  OASIS 21 is a large metal oval track-like complex that has a giant fountain on top.  The top was closed this morning...but I want to go back when it's dark to see it all lit up.  We got a glimpse of it last night on our way in.  It's huge and very impressive architecture.  We found a little patisserie type cafe and Steve got a raisin bun and I got some Matcha tea.  We sat at a bar along the window so that we could people watch.  Hundreds of serious looking men in black business suits and ties...lots of fashionably dressed women with high-heels (very few in sensible shoes!).  Most talking on or looking at cell phones while they walked.  Saw hundreds of bicycles....they don't even chain them up here....they just park them on the street.  The streets are spotless too.  No litter, no dirt.  Swept clean!! Early in the morning all of the shop keepers were out washing their windows.  It was a very cheerful scene to walk down the streets and the shops were just starting to open for the day.
We finished our breakfast and walked around the subway complex....lots of high-end shopping: Dolce and Ghabanna was a HUGE store...and having a big sale today, if the people lined up in the ques waiting for the store to open are any indication.  We made our way thru Nagoya's Central Park with it's fountains, statuary, and seating spots to the base of the Nagoya TV Tower and we ended up going through the subway station again and getting a bit turned around.  None of the street signs are in English....and we just had to keep guessing which way we needed to go.  We ended up in Sakae and got to see Pachinco Parlors and bars and shops and cafes and thoroughly enjoyed our selves!  There are bright and vibrant colors everywhere!! The smells from the restaurants were strange, spicy and enticing!  Many places had large placards with their advertised "set-ups" (what they call a plate?) and prices listed right out side with big pictures of the food so that you can choose what you want.  The Japanese are VERY big on presentation and it's so true when they say that you eat with your eyes first.  Every dish looked amazing!!!  No attention to detail is spared.  We found the planetarium and realized that we were way south of where we intended to be and were able to readjust using the Nagoya TV Tower as a landmark to find our way back to our street.  We took the Central Park path to get back down to our hotel, enjoying the shade of the trees, the cooing of the pigeons and the sights and smells that are so different from home.  Now we're back in our hotel room.....I just had an espresso that was very yummy! and now I'm going to try to take a little cat nap to rest up for more walking this afternoon. Steve is already snoring beside me! haha!   I'm feeling GREAT and so far, I am LOVING Japan!  I can't wait for tonight to get to spend some more time with Alyssa!  What an adventure we're on!  A trip of a lifetime!  I feel so overwhelmingly blessed and happy to have been able to come!   Now, rest for the jet-lag and will write more later!  Sayonora!

Our Arrival in Japan (or.....How we lost an entire Tuesday!)

Well, after over a year's anticipation and planning....we're FINALLY in Japan!  I'm sitting in my tiny hotel room this morning.....trying to reconcile my body with the time difference.  I'm now living approximately 15 hours in the future!!  We totally lost an entire Tuesday yesterday when we flew across the international date line. The flight from Nashville to Chicago O'Hare wasn't too bad.....once we got to O'Hare, we had a 10 minute turn-around-time to get to the other terminal.  We literally ran the entire way.  I thought my lungs were going to explode and my feet fall right off before we made it!  We were one of the last ones on the plane....huffing and puffing and with a really red and sweaty face.....I made my way to my tiny seat that would be my "space" for the duration.  I think it's mean that they make you walk thru First class, Business class and elite economy to get to your own tiny cheap-seat. You get to see how the lucky few get to fly in comfort while you're stuffed into a pea pod.  haha!  Never the less, the seat was much more comfortable than on any domestic flight I've ever been on.  The stewardesses were so friendly and helpful and smiling and bowing.....the service was amazing!  The meals were actually GOOD too!  I got miso soup, a salad, a chilled vegetable  plate, tender pieces of beef in a soy gravy and some Soba noodles!  Everything was diet friendly except the noodles....and I had plenty to eat.  I did skip the cup of ice cream they offered, but got a cup of Matcha tea instead.  It was very good!   They served a second meal about an hour before we landed and it was just as good...more salad, veggies and meatballs with a pasta.  Skipped the pasta...ate everything else and was a happy girl! I did have the roll they gave us. It was all carbs....but it was DELICIOUS....and I did really well the rest of the day.  Once we got to Tokyo, we had an even shorter turn-around time, complicated by the fact that we had to go through Customs and Immigration before we could check-in for our Nagoya flight.  We spoke with the stewardess before we got off the plane, explaining the situation and they had ladies with clipboards holding up "Nagoya" signs asking for Mr. and Mrs. Griffin....they walked us and expedited us through the entire process and even though we still had to run, we made that flight too, just in time!  And they were SO gracious!! They even brought me a cup of water to help me catch my breath.  Once I got in my seat and settled down....I started crying.  I knew it was dumb....but just the enormous stress of all the rushing, the fact that by now I've been flying for 26+ hours and hadn't been able to sleep....and the anticipation of seeing Alyssa in 50 minutes....all came crashing down at once and I cried and cried for about 20 minutes.  It's so hard to look cool when you're sobbing at 30,000 feet! hahaa!  I did manage to collect myself and calm down and by the time we got to Nagoya....I was FINE.  We collected our bags and saw the most BEAUTIFUL sight in the whole world waiting for us just beyond the arrivals door...my baby GIRL!!!!!!  Needless to say, once I saw her, grabbed her and started hugging her...the tears fell again...but these tears were HAPPY ones!!
We went on a "death march" to the subway.....made more deadly by my weariness and the fact that I was pulling suitcases that didn't want to roll and the fact that there were a billion stairs and no escalators or elevators....dragging an entire set of luggage up and down 3-4 flights of stairs was brutal.  We finally made the subway and rode to Nagoya station.....where we had to negotiate another maze of steps and hallways (called wickets???) to find our connection train. By the time we made it to our hotel to check in and drop the luggage, I was a dead-woman walking....barely upright.  We dropped everything in our hotel room and walked back up to the Station where we found a plethora of cool looking cafes.  Alyssa took us to one of her favorite....Pepper Lunch.  The way you order your food is cool....you look at a giant menu-board on a vending machine.  You pick which "set-up" you want...feed Yen into machine and then push the buttons to make your selections.  The machine spits out a ticket, which you give to your waiter.  He sat us down at a table that was already equipped with chopsticks, water glasses, tongs and napkins.  They bring your food on a hot sizzling cast iron plate and the food is raw.  They put some garlicky spiced butter on top of the meat and you let the meet cook, turning it with your tongs until it's done to your taste and then you remove it from the sizzling plate onto a plate of rice. My set-up included soup and salad and veggies as well as the beef and a giant pile of bean sprouts.  I was very hungry and everything tasted SO good!  I ate my salad, my veggies and almost all of my beef....but gave my rice to Alyssa.  I tasted the corn soup...which was wonderful...but not on my diet...so I only tasted and didn't eat the whole tempting bowl.  By the time we'd eaten...I was feeling MUCH better and we walked back to the hotel and stopped at Lawson's, a convenience store located downstairs in our hotel building.  We bought water, tea and a Coke-Zero (in a gold bottle!) for the room fridge.  I've been soooo thirsty since we got off the airplane that I could drink an ocean! 
We came back up to the room and Alyssa opened her suitcase of goodies that we brought her and she wrote down directions for us to find her work tomorrow night to meet her for dinner. We snuggled for a little bit....but Steve and I both kept falling asleep (He was snoring loudly.....Alyssa and I giggled!) Alyssa finally just tucked us both into bed and kissed us good night and headed home herself because she had to work tomorrow. Our first evening in Japan went VERY well......now to rest up for the fun parts!!!!

The Apple of Disobedience

It’s been a good minute since I’ve made a blog entry.  I’ve been crazy busy at work and pre-occupied with many, many things and just haven’t taken the time to sit down and write anything.  Today marks 21 days of my prep-diet for my gastric sleeve surgery.  I’ve lost 17 pounds and my patience so far.  The first week I dropped a large amount of weight very quickly….mostly water weight.  Since then, it’s been a struggle of lose 2 pounds, gain 2 pounds back.  Lost 2 pounds, gain 1.5 pounds back.  Each pound lost since that first has been trying, difficult and an emotional rollercoaster ride.  Although I tell myself every single morning that I’m still MUCH healthier than I was before, even if I don’t lose weight……it still breaks my heart to know that I’ve worked soooo hard and yet there is no proof. No encouragement.  No “atta-boy” from the scale.  Also, if I don’t lose 13 more pounds in the next month….the surgeon simply won’t do the surgery.  NO ifs, ands or buts about it.  That thought scares me to no end. 

I have been following the diet prep plan almost religiously……every single day.  Except last night….I wanted an apple.  I tried to justify that an apple is NOT really bad for me…..but I knew that I’d already had all of the calories and carbohydrates I was allowed for the day.  But my rebellious spirit said, “YOU DESERVE THAT APPLE! After all, it’s only a piece of fruit…..it’s not like it’s a banana split or a bacon cheeseburger!  You’ve worked so hard! What is ONE little apple going to do?”  (Made me wonder if that’s how Eve felt? Man! I wish I’d had that insight last night!!!)   

Here’s where I went wrong…..I put the apple out on the counter.  I looked at it.  It was beautiful.  Perfectly formed, red and beckoning.  I look up the caloric content on the internet…..about 45 calories.  I picked the apple up.  I smelled of the apple.  It smelled like apple-scented heaven.  I do love apples!!  Especially in the fall.  I should have put the apple back in the fruit bowl and walked away…..but there I stood….mesmerized by an apple, of all things!!!  So then….I sliced the apple open.  Creamy white apple flesh….crisp – but sweet.  My mouth was literally watering.  Needless to say….I ate the stupid apple. I didn’t just EAT it…I devoured it.  Like a person who hadn’t eaten anything in months….. And I immediately felt guilty and ashamed. 

I knew it was wrong - but I chose to do it anyway.  Full realization hit me that I what I had done was the VERY definition of sin.  And it broke my heart.  I am embarrassed to tell you that I threw myself on the couch and sobbed.  Cried.  WEPT over eating that apple for a full 30 minutes.  I didn’t just cry….I cried myself out.  I cried until there were no tears left.  I cried until my nose was so red and swollen that it looked like an apple!!!  (I did see the irony in that when I looked in the mirror at my red splotchy face once I composed myself.). 

You see, I wasn’t so upset merely because I ate an apple…..in the grand scheme of my nutrition I realize that my 45 calorie apple is nothing but a micro-drop in a very deep bucket.  I was so “tore-up” (as my Granny would say) over it because of what it represented:  my willful, disobedient spirit.  The apple was just the latest remix of the broken-record that has sadly become my spiritual life.  I can sooo understand why Paul said, “The very things I would do, I don’t do!  The very things I would not do, THOSE things – I DO!!!”  How many, many times have I prayed for forgiveness for the very same sin?  (NOT eating an apple, mind you – but doing what I knew I shouldn’t do for no reason other than the selfish fact that I really, really, really wanted to do it). 

After my very dramatic crying-jag last night….after I washed my tear-stained, swollen-up red face and blew my snotty nose, caught my breath and assured my puppy that her Mommy was okay and had NOT REALLY lost her mind……I was FINALLY able to pray (like I meant it and not like I was just doing it because I was supposed to do it) and I felt a gentle sense of peace wash over me….isn’t God’s mercy and grace just amazing? 

I wish I wasn’t so hard headed that I let things get to such a state that it takes a mini-nervous breakdown to get through to me…..I wish I was better at listening to the ‘Still Small Voice’ before I plow head-on into rebellion and need a THUNDERSTORM to get my attention.

On the upside…..my weight was back down 2 pounds this morning…despite my apple indiscretion.  And I feel better equipped to head into the weekend and stick to my guns.  My relationship with God is back to where it should be this morning and that feels better than any weight-loss.  I’m so thankful that His mercies for me are new each morning. I can’t imagine living an existence where I didn’t have a hope that THIS CURRENT LIFE isn’t all there is.  I face today with a heart full of gratitude and a belly full of salad! J