Sunday, July 7, 2013

Blessed, but still feeling empty sometimes.............

I am blessed.   So very blessed....beyond my wildest imagination.   I have been married to the love of my life for going on 28 years now....and I have two healthy, successful and independent adult children. I am at the top of my career and feel like I am pretty good at what I do.....and I feel like I make a difference in the lives I am able to touch.   I feel loved, appreciated and happy.   I am reasonably healthy and active.  I have had the fortune to travel to many, many places and see wondrous things.  I live in a very nice house and we drive very nice cars and we have more than enough of everything.  Like I said...I am so very blessed.  I really am deeply content and happy......how could I possibly ask for more??

And yet.......when I am all alone...in the dark and in the quiet moments.....I sometimes still feel a deep sadness.  It is almost like a longing for something....a nagging doubt about life......but it's elusive and I can't make out what I think I am missing. It brings about a feeling of restlessness and emptiness in my soul.  And the guilt of that emptiness weighs heavy on me.  How could I possibly feel empty when I have been given so much? What does it say about me...about me as a person.... to want something.....something so undefined and vague that I can't even give it a name....when I already have been given so much? 

It's true that this stage of life has it's moments of great happiness....the spontaneity of being able to drop everything and travel....the ability to hop on the back of a motorcycle and take off for the day......the freedom of being responsible for no one but ourselves......these things are very freeing and precious to me.  But there are times......many times....when I find myself missing the days when my kids were at home.  Missing the bickering, the laughter, the banter, the fussing.  Missing the good night hugs, our word games in the car, and our family shenanigans at the dinner table. There are a few hundred times a day when I will read something or see something that I know one of the kids would appreciate and I can't wait to tell them...but we talk so infrequently now, that I forget before I get to talk to them again.  

One child is thousands of miles away in a foreign land....both literally and figuratively. I'm lucky if we get to talk every three months or so now.  She's busy living her life and it doesn't include her parents anymore. She is a very independent young woman....who no longer wants or needs us.  I have had to actually grieve this loss.....and it really feels like someone chopped off a large piece of my heart and sent it away right along with her.  Sometimes I miss her so much I can hardly breathe. I've lost count of the tears.   When we do talk, it's not the same as it used to be.....there's an awkwardness and a distance that's hard to span. And it breaks my heart into a million jagged pieces.  She is still my baby girl....and no matter how much time passes or how much distance there is..... I don't think I will ever stop missing her. 

The other child is closer to home, but still not at home.  I do get to see him every few weeks or so...and that is good.   But I still worry.  He hasn't always made the best decisions...but he's learning from his mistakes and becoming his own man.  My little baby boy is a towering 6'2" tall young man .....and I have to look up to him now. There is still nothing sweeter than a hug from him and hearing the precious words, "I love you, Momma." 

Time sure is a weird thing.   It seems to go by so slowly when we are in the middle of life's day in and day out tasks.......work days stretch out into forever, hard times seem to last so long,  and yet...........the years just fly by.  In retrospect, it really did all happen so fast.  My babies became toddlers who became school age kids who became 'tweens and then teens filled with angst and then....poof:  They were adults and they were gone.  Flown from the nest. ....leaving behind a few old clothes and toys in the attic and photographs as a reminder that they were even here. Maybe what I am longing for is a way to capture and replay the last 25 or so years. Maybe I'm not through grieving the loss of my role as a mother.  Maybe, like most things in this life.... healing will come to me in fits and starts over the next few years.  Meanwhile, I pray that I can find the grace I need to continue to find happiness and contentment with my life in this current season of change.

My life is good, and my husband is amazing.  He loves me for who I am.  We laugh together. We cry together (okay, mostly I cry and he loves me anyway). And there is a lot of laughter.....his sense of humor keeps me guessing, even after all these years. He is tender and loving....and generous and giving. And strong and safe. He is good and Godly and skilled and talented. My marriage isn't perfect....because it's the union of two very human people....but it is a GOOD marriage. 

Why then, do I have such seasons of doubt?  Why do I wrestle with feeling empty and lonely and sad? Why do I feel isolated and alone........even  among friends and loved ones? How on earth can I feel so content one second...and so utterly defeated the next? How can I vacillate so wildly between feeling loved and feeling forsaken? How can I have so much, and still feel empty? How can I completely know that I am this blessed and yet still feel  miserable?  Is it ungratefulness? Selfishness? Darkness? A genetic predisposition to depression? Doubt? Sin? Humanness? 

I have a GOOD marriage and  a GOOD life.  I am blessed.....beyond all that is reasonable and necessary and explainable.  My blessings have been pressed down, without measure, and overflowing......and I KNOW that this life of mine is so much more than I could ever deserve or even wish for or dream of or imagine.....I am simply awash in the glorious and unmerited favor of God.........and I am His child. And while I truly believe that with all my heart......there are still dark nights when I  have to pray and cry out..."Lord, help my unbelief!"  


















I'm a Fantasy Farmer

We went for a ride this morning......the first sunny morning after almost a week of torrential rain.  The world smelled fresh and clean.  There were puddles everywhere and the grasses and gardens were all bright, jungle green.   We rode through the countryside and through farmland and saw all the glorious sights of back-road Tennessee.   Rolling along, seeing all the lush green fields, the gardens being guarded by funny scarecrows, clothes hanging out on the lines to dry, cows grazing in the fields, and barns dotting the hillsides....I couldn't help but think about a small, tiny, glimmer of a dream I've always kept hidden away in a dusty corner of my mind.   It's only a dream.....and will probably remain a dream because reality couldn't live up to the shimmering perfectness of the way I picture things.

In my misty dream, a big yellow sun rises on the green rolling hills of my small farm just as my rooster crows a perfectly timed and happy "Cock-a-Doodle-Doo" to welcome the new day.  The sun glistens on the dew as I enjoy a steaming aromatic cup of coffee and head out to gather the eggs and feed the chickens and milk my cow.  Yes.  My cow.  Her name is (of course) Bessie.

Next, I pick my green beans and tomatoes and a few ears of corn.   When the sun is high up over head and shadows all but disappear underfoot, I pour myself a tall glass of iced tea with slices of lemon and head out to sit under the shade tree and snap my fresh green beans...and hear the pleasing sound of the ping-ping-ping as the newly snapped beans hit the bowl.   There is a perfect breeze cooling the noon heat and my lunch consists of a giant slab of juicy red tomato and a slice of sweet onion sandwiched between a buttermilk biscuit and a freshly sliced cucumber.  

The laundry is freshly washed and hanging out on the line to dry...pants dancing on the breeze, socks tapping their toes along in rhythm.   The clean sheets will smell like the sky and wind and sweet wild honeysuckle when I climb into bed tonight.

Zinnias and Marigolds riotously bloom in a rainbow of happy colors, their faces lifted in worship to the sun along the first row of my neat little garden. Chirping blue birds and fat little wrens sing merry little tunes as they hop along the ground, searching for their lunches. Mr. Robin Red Breast flashes me a wink from his from the fence post and Mr. Mockingbird trills his song and shows me the white strips along his wingspan as he flits from perch to perch around the yard....stopping to snitch a few seeds from my giant yellow sunflowers.

Family and friends will gather for supper tonight.....so I set the table out on the porch with a gingham cloth and pretty matching checkered napkins.  A mason jar full of sunny white daisies with yellow hearts grace the center of the table.   We'll feast on my fresh green beans, corn on the cob, cornbread, pinto beans, fried chicken, tomatoes, cucumbers, onions, chow-chow, greens and a giant strawberry cobbler.  As the sun goes down, we'll make a churn of homemade vanilla ice cream to top the cobbler....and we'll all sit around and sip our iced tea and talk late into the warm evening while the children chase lightening bugs.  

It's a nice, sweet dream.......colored by my childhood.   In reality, I don't really want the responsibility of taking care of a cow and chickens......and growing a giant garden would be more work than I would want to take on.............as I want to be free to travel and see the world......but every now and then.....I really, really want to retreat to my magical fantasy farm for a few days.




Monday, June 17, 2013

Easy as ABC.....

http://writingprompts.tumblr.com/post/11306724617/270

Always be kind, rather than always needing to be right.
Believe that you ARE who GOD says you ARE.
Cherish your family and friends.
Deepen your faith.
Encourage as many people as you can.
Forgive others.  It sets YOU free, not them.
Grace is the greatest gift you will ever be given.
Hear what others are saying; pay attention.
Insist on being gracious and nice to everyone you meet.
Just do it.  Don't think about it or dream about it. Just DO it.
Keep in touch with the ones you love.
Love with your entire being.
Mamaws and Mommas are precious. Make sure you appreciate yours while you can.
Never go to bed angry.
Open your heart to seeing things from other's view points.
Pray. Always. Without ceasing.
Quiet is not boring.  It's necessary for resting.
Relax and enjoy your life. You only get one chance.
Share everything you have. It will bring you so much more joy to share.
Take time to speak to everybody and give them a smile.
Understand that the world does not revolve around you.
Value the important things...realizing that the important things are likely not things at all.
We are all fighting battles.....help ease someone's heavy load.
X-ray vision is not a superpower.  Love is.
You are kind enough, good enough, and doggone it, people like you!!
Zealousness is contagious!

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Each Day of the Week is a Person

http://writingprompts.tumblr.com/post/6040090734/writing-prompt-199

Oh Wow.  This is a FUN one!! 

Monday is a strict librarian who is all business and no fun.  Absolutely NO fun.  She wears her hair in a tight bun with nary a hair out of place.  Her glasses are firmly planted on the end of her pointy sharp beak of a nose and she wears sensible shoes with her skirt and blouse. She is tall, thin, mean, spare and severe; not built for comfort or ease.  Her face is wrinkled with serious frown lines from years of outright disapproval of anything frivolous or fun.  Her purse is well organized and her cardigan smells ever so slightly of mothballs.  Her book bag has only reference and text books.  She does not read for pleasure, only knowledge.  She lives alone with 3 indifferent cats in a very tidy apartment and eats cold tuna fish and drinks lukewarm chamomile tea for dinner every night while watching the evening news.

Tuesday is a teenaged student.  Working hard to complete all of her assignments, wearing a plaid skirt and button-down shirt with saddle oxfords.  Her fresh face is well-scrubbed, her hair clean and neatly held back in a sassy ponytail that swings from right to left as she purposefully strides down the halls from class to class: a woman on a mission!  She will get the job done!  Taking notes, and taking names....she is all about accomplishing the task at hand.  Memorization, computation, conjugation - all with an eye toward graduation.  She is fresh, full of potential and promise and she has big dreams!

Wednesday is a loveable coach; he used to be the Quarterback and star of the team back in the day.  He's aging well, though he has grown a bit pudgy and soft around the middle, but he's still got the old charisma.  He shouts instructions from the sidelines, cheering you on...letting you know that "You're half way there!   You're gonna make it!  Keep hustling! Keep your eye on the prize!  It's all downhill from here!"   He's tough and he still demands you show up for every single workout and practice, but you can't help admire him for his optimism and encouragement.  Just when you want to give up, he blows the silver whistle around his neck and calls you into the locker room for an inspiring pep talk before the second half. His coaching methods are tried and true. He won't leave you hanging;  he will see you through to the finish line.

Thursday is a middle aged, middle management man.  He still shows up for work every day, but he reeks of apathy, indifference and biding time.   He realizes that this is it; he has reached the pinnacle of his career and his ambition ebbed away with the arrival of this realization. His clothing is a bit rumpled and no longer crisply ironed and starched.  His tie has ketchup stains on it and his shoes are mildly scuffed. His posture is slumped in an almost defeated pose at his desk.  He's simply waiting on Friday's arrival with an air of detached acceptance.

Friday is  Substitute Teacher who shows up wearing a tye-dye t-shirt and frayed jeans and flip-flops with black-eyeliner for make-up and she smokes.  A lot. She's casual and she's laid back.   She rolls in the film projector and declares "Movie Day!!" and then kicks back and takes a nap.   Friday stays up late, parties hard, and occasionally colors her conversations with swear-words. Friday unapologetically eats junk food for breakfast, lunch AND dinner and smacks her bubblegum and blows giant pink bubbles.  Friday listens to Rock-n-Roll music cranked up to 11.  

Saturday is A Rhinestone Cowboy....Riding Out On A Horse In A Star-Spangled Rodeo!  Saturday knows he's a super-star and he struts his stuff like the stud he is!  All the girls swoon and want to be with him and all the guys just want to BE him.  He lights up the room with his million dollar swagger, flashing Benjamins and buying rounds; dominating the dance floor with his moves like Jagger. He didn't just come to play, he came to WIN.

Sunday is a Grandma who gets up early and makes you breakfast.  And not just any breakfast, but pancakes. With butter and syrup. And bacon; blessed bacon.  And she wraps her soft arms around you and gives you a long hug and you KNOW you are loved.  She invites you to rest with her under the shade tree in the swing and tells you stories about what life was like when she was a teenager and her soft, sweet voice lulls you to sleep and you dream of soft green grass, blue skies, clear waters and birds singing.  When you awaken from your Sunday afternoon nap, she has warm homemade chocolate chip cookies and ice cold milk waiting for you. Sunday is easy.  Easy like a Sunday morning.

Please Come to Boston in the Spring.....

My first impression of New England is of Boston.  We flew into Logan Airport in the early afternoon, claimed our baggage and rental car, keyed the address of our B &B into the GPS and headed out of Boston.   I was excited to drive through the underground tunnels on our way out!  It was scary to be enclosed in the tunnel and going interstate speeds!  And of course, since the 90's, who can speed along through underground tunnels without visualizing Lady Di's crashed car?  But it was still exciting, all apprehension aside!   We navigated out way out of Boston and took the back roads along Hwy 1 toward Maine, avoiding all the Toll-Roads in hopes of avoiding traffic and getting a few glimpses of the Atlantic Ocean along the way!  Mostly, we drove through quaint little New England towns with Cape Cod type houses and old Victorians.  We drove for about 3 hours up the coast, making notes of towns that we wanted to come back to explore.... then decided to track back over to the interstate because we were getting tired of the drive and we wanted to GET there!  We drove North through Mass, New Hampshire and FINALLY crossed over into Maine and navigated the narrow streets of Portland to find our Bed and Breakfast, Inn on Carleton. 

The Inn on Carleton is an old Victorian Lady, heralding from the late 1890's or so.  Steep stoop steps led to a double glass-paned front door and then we had a 2 flight climb of very steep stairs to reach our room on the third floor.  We chose this room online, based on the pictures of the quaint bedroom with the clawfoot tub!  The room was perfect and even better in person than the pictures! The color scheme was a restful navy blue and white; there was a fireplace (that we didn't need to use, but it added to the ambiance), a separate bath with a blue-tiled shower and the aforementioned clawfoot tub...and a cozy chair with ottoman and antique period furniture pieces completed the look.  The bed was soft and comfortable and they even had white terry robes hanging at the ready for us!  We ditched our luggage and freshened up a bit and then decided to set out to explore the town on foot and scope out the dinner scene. 

We walked for what seemed like miles and miles and finally found our way down to the waterfront.  We decided that seafood would be just the ticket for our first night in Maine.....so we found this dive of a place using Urban Spoon called "Jay's Oyster House" and there was a very, very, very long wait.  We ordered drinks and stood beside the front door for about 30 minutes and we asked the waitress how much longer and she said, "At least an hour and a half."   About that time, another waitress came up to us and said that a group of 2 ladies had offered to allow us to share their table with them if we didn't mind their company....and we literally jumped at the chance!!  We were so tired and hungry!!  The peanuts from the airplane were long-gone!!   We said with the two nice ladies, one from Maine, the other from Boston....and over our dinner they pointed out all the local places that they would recommend.  Steve ordered a bucket of steamed clams and a steamed lobster and I ordered a simple house salad and the appetizer plate of crab-stuffed mushrooms.  I have never been a fan of seafood.  But here lately, my tastes have completely changed.  When Steve's bucket of clams came....I decided to throw caution to the wind and try one.  They looked slimy, but they smelled divine!  I watched him crack one open, pull out the meat, wash it in saline broth and dip it in clarified butter and I thought.....I'm going to DO this!!!  I cracked my shell open, dug out the meat and cleaned and dipped it and my first bite was such a surprise!!!  It didn't taste fishy at all....it was almost sweet!  It tasted a little bit of the way sea water smells, but it was very rich and the texture was (pardon the cliché) just like chicken!!  Not slimy at all!!  I ate about 10 of them!!!  They were so good!! What have I been missing all these years????  Next came my mushrooms, which were also delicious!  (I have never really eaten crab before...so I was apprehensive!)  But they were sooooo good!!!  Then they brought Steve's giant bright red steamed lobster and he cracked one of the claws and gave me the lobster meat and I thought I had never tasted anything so good before!!  I've tried lobster in the past and hated it....but this, THIS lobster was AMAZING!!!  It was also sweet, slightly briny and very delicately flavored.  Not fishy at all!  Turned out, our dinner at this dive of a place on the pier was the best meal we had all week!!   What a pleasant introduction to Maine!   By the time we waddled back to our B &B (a 30 minute walk, mostly uphill from the waterfront!) we were fairly exhausted and ready for some sleep.

The second day of our adventure was Memorial Day.  We went to breakfast at our B &B and met our hostess, Cindy.....I'm not quite sure how to describe her, other than the way my husband did (which doesn't sound very kind...but is spot-on accurate!)  He said that she looked/acted like a Pekinese Puppy on steroids!! She was very slender, had severely cut, spiked short bleach blonde hair, huge eyes and had more energy than the rest of us put together!  She talked non-stop and worried over us and pampered us and made us feel like royalty!  We loved her right away!   Breakfast was an amazing concoction of home made Greek style Yogurt with a homemade banana granola.  Hippie-Breakfast heaven!!!  I almost licked my bowl clean!! 

With our bellies full, we set out on foot for a bright and sunny day of sight-seeing.  We walked along the streets downtown and visited a graveyard that was established in 1638!!  Because it was Memorial Day, all the Vetrans graves were marked with flags.....and we saw markers from the Civil War, Revolutionary War, the War of 1812, WWI and so forth.  It was very moving.  

We walked along the eastern side of town and made our way back down to the waterfront and found the terminal for the ferries and boat tours.  We made it there just in time to purchase tickets for a harbor cruise and in less than 15 minutes, we were boarding our boat!  I was thrilled that we found a great seat right in front on the top deck of the boat so I had the best picture-taking seat on the watercraft!  I probably took 300 pictures during the 90 minute cruise!  We saw 3 light houses, a fort and visited 3 small barrier islands, including Diamond Cove (a posh upper-scale resort area where they don't allow cars on the island - it's only accessible by boat!) The sun was bright and gleaming overhead and making the waves shine dance on the water's surface like sparkling diamonds!  There was a breeze, but the sun kept us warm enough to enjoy the ride and we met a nice lady from Maine who was on her way to spend the holiday at Diamond Cove with her teenaged daughters.  She also gave us tips on where to visit and local spots.   Our ride back got cooler and windier and we went below deck to finish our ride back into port under shelter.

After our cruise, we visited Flatbread, a very "Hippie-Dippie" place where everything is organic and local...and tasted AMAZING!  We were seated right beside the giant brick-ovens and got to watch the chefs making pizzas.  It was a very good and tasty meal....the only thing is that we stood out a bit because we weren't wearing our 'boggins or sporting dreadlocks like most of the Earth-Mother wait-staff.  I would highly recommend this place for excellent fresh food!

We walked around some more and decided to go back to our room to rest a bit and then set out in the car to find The Portland Head Lighthouse and then Two Lights State park and the local lobster place that 2 folks we'd met had bragged about "The Lobster Shack".   We enjoyed our late afternoon drive out to the state parks and the Portland Head Lighthouse was breathtakingly beautiful!!! We walked all around the grounds of the lighthouse and then took the gravel trail along the shoreline.....which was separated from land by craggy rock outcroppings and cliffs. Steve talked me into climbing down a good ways and I while I was terrified of climbing down, I totally enjoyed the thrill of it once I made it down there!   The wind in my face, the smell of the ocean, the sight of the lighthouse in the distance....and of course, the best photo-op of the afternoon!  I'm so glad I took the risk and climbed down there!!   This trip  (and my entire LIFE now) is about taking all the risks I've been afraid to take before!  I want to live life to it's fullest....drink life to the lees!!!  Suck the marrow out of the bone and laugh at danger!! (Okay, controlled danger....but I'm still laughing!)  :)  There were families flying kites in the park and the sky was the bluest blue and the sun was warm on my face and I remember thinking, "This is just so good! I want to bottle up this moment and hold it in my heart forever!" 

We left the Portland Light on Cape Elizabeth and made our way to Two Lights State Park....a mere 10 minutes away.  There were two lighthouses here...and a rock-beach like I had never seen before!!  The tide was out, so a lot of rock was exposed.  We climbed down the rocks almost all the way to the water.  It was really cool to inspect the tidal pools on the rocks...little pockets of marine life, swimming with critters and plants!!  The yellow algae was really cool too!  (But slippery!!) We stared out into the depths of the Atlantic, held each other close and just soaked up the beauty of the late afternoon sunshine.  Holding hands, we jumped and laughed all the way back over the rocks and up the side of the bank to the Lobster Shack, which overlooks the ocean as well.  We stood in line for only about 5 minutes and ordered our traditional Lobster Rolls, fries and coleslaw.  We ate our feast picnic-style on umbrella-ed picnic tables overlooking the rocks and the ocean.  The breeze was amazing (but we had to anchor our napkins to the table with our tea cups!) Best Lobster roll I ever ate!  (Hahaha!! ONLY Lobster roll I ever ate because I never knew I liked Lobster!!)  and it tasted sooooooo good!!!!  :) The lobster was this pretty orange and white color and tasted so fresh and sweet!  And was served with mayo and really good fresh fries and some amazing coleslaw that had some kind of apple in it!  I don't know if all food just tastes better when you are on vacation and sitting, looking out at the ocean....but it probably does!  Thoroughly enjoyed our beach picnic!

On Tuesday, we got up early and had a good breakfast at the B &B, then drove to the outskirts of Boston to a town called (I kid you not):Wonderland.   We parked the car and took the train into town.  We'd heard that parking was not only expensive, but a tactical nightmare and that traffic was always wicked gnarly in Boston....and the train station at Wonderland only charged $5 to park all day...plus we got the grand experience of riding on the train! Well, Boston's trains are cleaner than Chicago's El trains.....but dirtier than Japan's trains.  We had no problem finding our way around the subways and trains.  They were well marked and (gasp!) the signs were in English!  Haha!!! 

We exited the train station at Government Center and walked right out onto the famous Boston Freedom Trail....the walking tour of the historical events in Boston.  We began our tour in front of the Mass. State House and followed the red brick trail along the park.  We saw the cemetery where Paul Revere, Benjamin Franklin, Samuel Adams, John Hancock and Mother Goose are all buried.  We saw the King's Chapel where the Governor and the Revere's attended church.  We saw the North Church where the light in the bell tower signed "One if by land, Two if by Sea" and we saw the site of the Boston Massacre, the site where much of the Revolutionary war was planned and drafts of the very documents that framed our country were penned.  We saw the Irish pubs, the North Shore area where Italian bakeries and tattorias were plentiful and also where Paul Revere's home stood.  We saw the USS Constitution (Old Ironsides) in the Naval Yard and the Bunker Hill Monument.  We saw the Cheers Bar (because "Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name!") and we had our pictures made in front of it, singing the Cheers theme song.  We walked across Boston Commons and saw the Swan boats on the lake and the weeping willow trees with their tendrils dipping into the water's edge.  We ate lunch at a Pub and were serenaded by a group of older gentlemen who were drinking beer at noon on a Tuesday and singing the Canadian National Anthem.  We walked until we thought our feet would fall off!!! Then we took the train back to Wonderland and drove to Salem, Mass to see the town made infamous by the Salem Witch Trials of the 1690's. 

Salem was a bit odd.  A little history, a lot of creepy.  We walked through the graveyard that dated back to the 1600's and saw graves of many of the women who were put to death as witches.  We saw historical homes and monuments and we had dinner at a Rotisserie......we ordered rotisserie chicken and Boston Baked Beans, Green beans, Coleslaw and garlic mashed potatoes.  The chicken was served with a butter-herb gravy and cranberry sauce (freshly made with real cranberries! No fake-jelly stuff!)  and a square of sweet yellow cornbread.  The gravy was oddly sweet (not bad, just odd for gravy) and the cornbread and cranberry sauce was sweet.....so I did the only logical thing and had a bit of the cornbread slathered with cranberry sauce as icing and pretended I had cake for dessert! :)   We ate outside at a picnic table, overlooking the witches' museum and the graveyard.   We thought about doing one of the walking "ghost tours" but there was only 1 operating (since we were off-season) and it didn't begin until 9pm and we were just too exhausted from walking all day to hang around for 3 more hours waiting on night-fall, as it was still a good 2 hour drive back up to our B &B in Portland, Maine.  Plus, I'm not too into all the witch-craft stuff anyway.....it really does feel dark and creepy....and Steve feels the same way....so we weren't too heart-broken to pack back up in the car and head north on the Toll-Way.  It is cool to have seen it and now I never need to go back again! Haha!!

On Wednesday, we woke up to the sound of rain.  It was a gray and drizzly day.  We decided to postpone our trip down the coast to the little beach towns and decided to go north instead to the town of Freeport, home of the LL Bean Flagship store.  Turns out, there are tons of little outlet stores there....and we spent the entire morning browsing though shop after shop.   The LL Bean flagship store was a sight to behold.....it sprawled out across 3 Walmart-sized stores:  Fishing/Hunting, Camping, Outdoor sports, Water Sports, and then (my personal fave) the Home and Kitchen store.  We walked through all the outdoor gear and I got to see the only Moose I saw while in Maine.  It was only his head...and it was stuffed and hanging on their wall!  It was still impressive.  I can't imagine meeting up with one of these giant beasts out in the woods one day!  They look so sweet, but I imagine they could do some major damage.

With all this shop-browsing, you'd think we'd have bought a ton of stuff.....I did buy some Maine Blueberry Tea at LL Bean Kitchen store (only because everything else there was exorbitantly expensive and not in my budget!!) (and wouldn't fit in the overhead bin on the plane right home! Haha!) I did manage to find a few t-shirts on sale at Old Navy. We drove back to Portland and decided that the rain had let up enough to brave a walk downtown to find the haberdashery that was closed when we were out walking on Sunday.  We walked downtown with our umbrellas and actually found a hat for ME!  It's a combination rain/sun hat in a smart Navy Blue!  It's floppy and soft and can fold up into my purse.  And it was just perfect for wearing back out in the afternoon drizzle!

On our way back to the B &B we stopped for lunch at another local/organic spot called Aurora's Provisions.  They had all these really cool sandwiches made up.....I opted for the Paresian Street Sandwich (Turkey with Dijon and Provolone with cute tiny little green snappy Cornichon pickles!) and Steve got a Southwest Turkey on Multigrain bread and then we cut each sammie in half and shared so we both got to sample flavors! (We often do this with our meals...it's kindda fun!) We got baked chips and some organic brewed weird iced tea and with our tummies happy and full, we decided to go back to the hotel and take an afternoon nap.  We were both still pretty worn out from all the walking the day before in Boston and Salem. 

After our long nap, we were refreshed and ready to set out again. We decided that we wanted to go back down to the waterfront for dinner because I still hadn't tried the New England "Chowda" yet.  We picked a placed called Gilbert's Chowder House and got the last available seat!  It was pretty much another local dive of a place....small and crowded, but the reviews were good and once we got our food, I completely agreed!  I tasted Steve's clam chowda and found that it's a lot like potato soup!  It was creamy and good, but very rich.  I opted for the Fish and Chips myself....and the fresh fish was so tender and mild and good that I managed to eat almost 2 entire pieces myself!!  The slaw was good too....I don't generally eat many French fries, but the one or two I had were also quite tasty.  Once we finished eating, a fog was settling in over the harbor and it looked spooky and eerie.  I begged Steve to walk down to the ferry terminal so that I could take some boat-shoreline pictures in the mist and fog and he reluctantly agreed.  The problem was the Rap and Hip Hop concert that was happening in the parking lot of the ferry terminal.  There was a huge stage and lots of weird-looking music-scene teenagers hanging around, basically looking like skimpily clad prostitutes and thugs with their britches falling down).....all drinking what appeared to be Malt Liquor out of tall-boy cans in brown-paper bags. It was a bit unnerving to walk through that crowd!  (Which is code for:  MAN, I'm getting OLD!!!)  The "music" was very, very loud and almost every other line dropped the F-Bomb or something equally offensive.  My first thought was that I couldn't believe they would allow this type of performance in a public venue with children all around!  We didn't spend long at the waterfront.  I think I snapped about 5-6 pictures foggy pics, barley taking time to focus them..... and we got out of Dodge and headed back up the hill away from the waterfront....back to where the old folks like us were hanging out in blessed silence!  :) 

Our last day in New England dawned with a brilliant cerulean blue sky and happy sunshine that burned away the fog before 6am!  We enjoyed our decadent breakfast at the B &B and headed out, sun hats on heads, sunglasses over sparkling eyes with big goofy smiles on our faces to check out the little beach towns along the Maine Coastline.  First stop was Old Orchard Beach.  They even had an old-timey amusement park right on the sand, complete with a Ferris Wheel and the whole nine yards!  But it was early morning and nothing was open, save a Duncan Donuts....so I bought a Skinny Iced Caramel Latte and sipped it as we walked along the beach!  We tried to walk out on the pier, but we got as far as the entrance and were asked to leave because the pier wasn't open yet either.  It seems like beach towns don't wake up early......nothing opened until after 11am.  We enjoyed the sights and sounds of sea gulls fishing in the rolling waves for a while, walked a bit on the sand and found a couple of seashells and then we decided to get back in the car and drive to the next little town.  Our next stop was Kennebunkport.  We parked the car in a public parking lot, and walked into the cute little town.  We browsed in a few of the shops along the waterfront and decided on a Thai restaurant for lunch that was rated very highly on Urban Spoon.  With our bellies full, we walked back through town and then got our car and drove out to Porpoise Point.   Here we saw Lobster boats bringing in their traps/lobster pots and we saw another lighthouse.  I still can't get over how rocky the beaches are!  Well, there isn't any real amount of sand except for the areas where they have it trucked in.  It's mostly just rocks right out into the ocean.   We got back in the car and enjoyed looking at the quaint New England style houses along the water and the colorful Lobster floats and pots along the way.

Our next stop was in Ogunquit Beach. We found a parking spot and looked in several shops and then walked along a pretty flower-lined pathway between houses down to the actual beach area.  This was by far the most crowded of any of the beaches we visited.....but the water must have still been very cool because most of the beach-goers were sunning while only the children braved wading into the surf.  We did see quite a few sailboats out on the water.  We left the beach area and found a really cool antique store and we browsed in there until it was time to check into our Southwest flight for the trip home the next day.....we always type in the information and then at the very first second we're able to check in, we both click to see how early in line we can be for boarding the plane!  Our goal is to get in the A Group seating so we can have our pick of seats because I want a window seat!!  We made the A-Group again, but just barely!  I was number 60 and he was number 59, the last 2 passengers in the A-Group!  We made our way back to the car and it was hot, sticky, sweaty and we were tired and it was pushing into late afternoon. We had done so much walking this week that we were both in hearty agreement that we would find the first McDonald's or Sonic we saw and get a large iced tea to revive our wilted countenances , then head back to the B &B for another afternoon rest.  

Our last dinner in Portland was at a soul food place called "Hot Suppa!"  which was in a brightly purple Victorian house downtown, but not very far from our B &B.  It was highly rated and comfort food sounded pretty good.  The outside of the house was painted purple...the inside was purple, bright orange, yellow, red, purple, green, black and just screamed "Mardi-Gras!"  They were playing some funky jazz music over the speakers and the menu read like a Southern Pot luck dinner!  Steve got Shrimp and Grits and I opted for pulled pork with baked beans and collard greens!  Man, those were the best collard greens I've ever put in my mouth!!! I wanted to order a cocktail.....you know, because it sounded fancy.  I ordered something called "The Apple Orchard."   It was good, but way too strong for me.  I took a few sips and Steve had to finish it for me.  All in all, the meal was very enjoyable!  I took my doggie-bag back to the room with us and feasted on Collard Greens again about 10pm that night as a bedtime snack!  

The next morning, we got up early and got everything packed and ready to head to the airport.  We enjoyed our last decadent breakfast at the B &B.  I sure will miss that Greek Yogurt, homemade granola and fruit with scones every morning!!  We made the drive on the Toll Pike from Portland, back through New Hampshire to Boston and got to the airport with plenty of time to spare.  Getting through security was a breeze and then I bought a giant cup of iced coffee and found a rocking chair to sit and rock and watch the planes fly in/out.  Our flight was on-time and we arrived back in Nashville in the early afternoon without incident. 

It really is always so exciting and so much fun to go away on vacation, to see new cities, new sites and have adventures....but it's also always good to come home too.   Some place you can call your own and where you can just be yourself with the one you love.  Home Sweet Home!  <3









Saturday, April 27, 2013

DYI Spa Treatments. NEVER a good idea.

Well.  I've done it again. 

It all started (this time) with a glance in my car's flip-down mirror in harsh noon-day sunlight that brought some new wrinkles and dark spots into glaringly sharp focus.  I stared back at my reflection, taking in ALL the glory of the dark circles and puffy bags under my eyes, the stray eyebrow hairs growing rogue in weird places, the crease in my forehead that makes me look slightly angry and a lot tired, the dry patches of skin right next to....oh good grief!!! Is that a pimple???  Then I widened my focus to include my lack-luster hair that I'd pulled back from my face with a pink plastic head-band that belonged to my daughter about 12 years ago and noticed the dark roots, the split-ends, and (le sigh) the ever-increasing gray hairs. So I flipped up the visor mirror and with some grunting, huffing and puffing, I was able to unfold my body from the car seat and limp into Wal-Mart, feeling at least 212 years old.

Once inside the store....I secured my shopping cart, planted my purse purposefully in the infant seat and strengthened my resolve and steadfastly pushed right past the bored greeter to the health and beauty section of the store.  I spent a long time there.  I read labels, I compared and contrasted and debated and finally settled on a box of hair dye in "Light Blonde" and a revitalizing facial mask that I knew was FANCY-SMANCY because there were pictures of chocolate, mint and lots of scientific mumbo-jumbo on the packaging....but what really sold it was the fact that it was named "Masque Chocolat"  instead of just plain old Chocolate Mask.    I probably would have seen right through the ruse of a product called "Chocolate Mask"......but "Masque Chocolat" sang a siren song to me...... of glamorous promises that it just couldn't possibly keep. 

I need moisturizer too!  Oil of Old-Age? Copper? Jojoba oil? Acid????? Anything with the word acid or "PEEL" in it scares me silly.  I don't want to peel my face.  I will peel an apple.  I will peel a banana. Shoot, I'll even peel an orange.  I know how that looks....and can only imagine how it FEELS to the fruit.  I don't want my face peeled.  No thanks!!! It just sounds so very painful!!  I'll stick with the tried and true thin pink stuff my Grandma used to use.  The smell of it reminds me of hugging her.  Oil of Old-Age it is!!!

I also decided that a tube of new mascara was in order because the mascara I have at home is a million years old (okay, maybe just months old, but still...).  The choices were almost overwhelming.  Just choosing the color alone was intimidating:  "Black" or "Very Black"  or "Ebony Black" or "Midnight Black" or "Black-Brown"????  What's the difference??? Then I had to choose: Plumping? Anti-Clumping? Lengthening?  Strengthening? Curling? Lash-Defining? Waterproof? Smudge-Proof? Long-Wearing?  Well, DUH????  I want all of those things!!!  And I definitely want the one that they call Mas-carrrrr-a on the commercial.  Because it's better.  I used to just buy "mas-scare-a" Before I knew better.  If they found a chic way to spell Mascara with a Q, I'd probably have bought 10 tubes of it.

So I carried my beauty-loot home with such fine intentions!  I am going to treat myself to a DYI-SPA DAY!!!!!!!!  It sounds so relaxing!  So decadent! So soothing!  First thing, I get the sticky vinyl gloves on from the hair-dye and get the color mixed in with the developer.  Shake it up, Baby!  Twist and Shout!!!  Come-on, Come-on Baby now.....get that gray out!!!!  I'm in pretty high spirits as I part my hair and apply the dye to my dark offensive roots first and then work my way all around my head, squirting the smelly solution and working it out to the ends of my hair.  I shake the bottle of goo and .....SPLAT.....it drips onto the tile of my bathroom and all over my sink.  What a stinking mess.  Finally, I get my entire head plastered with the gunk and I'm ready to start my facial while the time ticks way on my hair color.

I open the MASQUE CHOCOLATE and squirt out the fragrant brown mud-like substance onto my fingertips.  It smells like a chocolate candy bar!  How lovely!!  So I smear it on my face....avoiding my lips and eyes as directed.  It felt rich and creamy and smelled chocolately and dreamy.  It's supposed to dry for 15 minutes, then I will remove it with a warm,wet washcloth.  I decided that it would be hilarious to snap a picture of my facial mask and post it on facebook.  So I snapped a selfie pic and looked at it to see if it was post-worthy.........I'm soooooo glad I looked at it closely before I hit post this time!!  I would have offended the entire world!!!  That chocolate mask looked JUST like I had on black-face makeup!!!!  It was horrific!!!  I almost died laughing at how awful it was!  That un-PC pic got deleted pronto, and I narrowly avoided a social media racist scandal guffaw.

I flipped through a magazine for a while, nibbling on some fresh strawberries that I had purchased for this relaxing spa adventure. Then, I realized that I couldn't move my lips.  My MASQUE CHOCOLAT had dried and turned into the Mohave desert on my face...freezing my lips and facial expression.  I tried to laugh nervously, but found that when I tried, the masque around my mouth cracked like drought-weary dirt. It took a good 20 minutes and lots of elbow grease to scrub that mess off my face with my warm, wet washcloth.  I was terrified I was going to have to walk around with my offensive racist masque on until my skin sloughed off!!  I also think I know what a "PEEL" feels like now. And it's as bad as I feared. 

This whole DIY spa adventure is simply destined to be a disaster.  It has been EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.  that I have attempted such a thing.  There was one time that was the worst ever though.....it also involved a so-called "masque"..........but there were....uhhhhmmmm....OTHER body parts involved. 

I was working 3rd shift at the time and during the summer time, the middle of the night was very slow because all our patients would be asleep.  From around 2am to 5am was the slow part of the shift and the nurses would often bring magazines and books to read to pass the time.  I made the mistake of picking up a Cosmopolitan Magazine. "Cosmo", for you cool gals.  I honestly believe that they should put a disclaimer on all those DIY articles........something along the lines of "DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME."   I was reading this article along about 3:30am that said that sagging breasts could become (I kid you not!) FIRM AND SUPPLE if you used a firming facial "masque" on them.  My mind began spinning.  The words "firm" and "supple" bore no resemblance to my sagging, bagging breasts.  No, My girls had breastfed two greedy, hungry babies and had been fighting the brave fight against gravity since I was in the second grade.  I could use some firm and supple.  Firm and supple sounded pretty darn good!  I just had to have firm and supple.

I got off work the next morning and headed straight to the store on a mission:  FIND A FIRMING MASK!!! I was going to do this spa thing up right!  I bought a sea-kelp firming mask, some scented candles, a CD of "Peaceful Ocean Sounds" and things little cucumber-scented disc thingies you were supposed to place over your eyes to reduce puffiness.  So........I went home and got ready to be firmed and suppled!  Boy, oh boy, was my husband going to be surprised when he saw how firm and supple I had become! 

I lit the candles, I turned on the ocean-sounds CD (nothing like the sound of squawking sea-gulls for soothing relaxation!) and I stripped down to my panties and slathered the firming mask all over from my chin to my bellybutton and waited, fully expecting the magic to happen!!  I used the whole dern tube!!! The seaweed/kelp must have had some kind of eucalyptus or mint or vapor-rub or battery acid or something in it....because it tingled and slightly burned.  I guess I thought that the tingle just meant it was working!  Tingle/burn = Firm/Supple....well, OKAY!!!   My bedroom had a skylight over the bed and the early morning sunlight was streaming in onto my bed...it was so inviting looking.....so I decided I'd recline on the bed in the sunshine with the cucumber slice thingies on my eyes and just relax while I waited for my magical firmness and suppleness to happen.

Did I mention that I'd just worked a 12 hour shift and been up all night?  You know what happened.  I somehow fell asleep amid sea-gull squawks and the gentle lulling roar of the ocean waves, soothing lavender candles, warm sunshine, and dreams of sporting supple,firm boobies. 

I was having the BEST dream EVER.......and then I suddenly woke up and realized that my CAT was trying to lick the sea-weed/kelp mask off my breasts!!! 

And then I realized that I must have been asleep for quite some time....because the mask had dried in some places and my skin underneath the mask had formed large, fluid-filled blisters! And to my dismay, I found that my cat had shed all over the sticky, gooey mess, leaving a matted kind of weird, white shag carpet on parts of the mask.  I tried peeling it off.  Nope.  I tried washing it off.  Nope.  I tried scrubbing it off, but the blisters were very painful.  I ended up getting my husband's Lava Soap out of the garage and using a combination of washcloths and a loofa and after almost an hour of torture, I managed to get rid of most of the mask and quite a bit of skin.  Needless to say, there was no firm or supple.  Just raw skin, pain, and disappointment. 

DIY spa treatments should be banned from my household FOREVER.  For my own good. 
































Saturday, March 9, 2013

Old Lady Griffin Home Care Rap

S'Most days I'm kickin it in my office
Sittin on conference-calls, feeling kindda nauseous
Encoding late at night...waking up exhausted!

Getting old stinks..getting lines and wrinkles
And when I sneeze I tinkle
I'm old like Rip Van Winkle!

I'm salaried, ya know..so I make minimum wage
Workin, writin, typin page after page
Runnin on empty in the old gas gague

I'm emailing, textin and faxin
My effort is considerable and taxin
Rather be kickin back and relaxin

My job is filled with glamour
Correcting y'all's bad grammar
Got a headache like a jackhammer

Seeking clarification  - gettin the run-around
Measure them wounds, expound on homebound
Sharin all my wisdom, feeling so profound

Workin at Guardian Home Care
Sittin in my office chair
Dreaming of being a debonaire millionare

Can't get the laptops to sync
Please only chart in black ink
Law, I'm gonna need a shrink!

Callin me old is not adventageous
Good thing i'm so gracious
Cause I'm so cool it's outrageous!

Throw my hands up in the air
Fix you with a stare
As I read your plan of care

Playin quiet like a mouse
I'm on your butts like Levi Strauss
Old Lady Griffin IN THE HOUSE!!!!!!