Still thinking about things I'd like to do......more for my list of things I want to do this coming year!

• Get a frilly 50's style retro apron to wear while I do housework and cook!
• Plant a fig tree in the back yard....I want a cutting from my Grandpa's tree!
• I want a lemon tree! And maybe a lime tree too!  I will bring it inside in the winter and keep it outside in the summer!
• I want to be serious about my little garden this summer and not be lazy and forget to water it like I usually do.  I want a big beautiful harvest!! And I want to use my produce to cook healthy meals!
• I want to organize my closets and drawers!  And have them STAY organized for more than a week!
• I want to FINALLY make a fairy garden for my back porch!  I've talked about it for years...I want to actually DO it!
• I want to decorate my work office....something with a cohesive theme!  It's plain, depressing, ugly and non-inspiring right now.
• I want to make at least 2 new friends this year. At least 2.  I'm so tired of being lonely!!
• Maybe in the spring when it's not too hot, I'd like to go to a Drive-In movie!  I haven't been to one since I was about 5 years old!
• I want to learn to use an ipod or MP3 player...whatever it is you call them (just realized that I sound like I'm 80 years old now!) and I'd like to upload all of my favorite music to listen to while I work out at the gym.

New Year/New Me! Plans for 2012 !!!

I know that it's a week until New Years.....but I'm thinking ahead this year!  This year, I'm not going to make any "resolutions" at all.  I'm going to make EXCITING PLANS instead!!!

There are so many, many things I want to do this year!  Losing weight will make some of these things possible for me for the first time in years!!!  Here's my list...in no certain order:

In 2012 I want to:

• Wear a pair of Go-Go boots!  I've wanted a pair my whole life, but they've never fit!
• Ride Steve's motorcycle with him!  I've always been too heavy.
• Go Horseback riding (Don't worry....I'll wait until it's fair to the horse!) haha! :)
• Go Hiking!!
• Wear high-heels!
• Go on a romantic Picnic
• Dress up in Fancy Clothes and go to a Fancy Party
• Wear a Swimsuit (It's been a while).
• Keep my toenails painted nicely (now that I'll be able to SEE them!) :)
• Get a massage on a monthly basis for pain control (Thank you, Massage Envy!)
• Create and organize my craft room (which is an empty room with boxes right now)
• Take more painting classes
• Get involved in a small group at our new church
• Consistently do my Bible Study
• Learn how to apply my make-up.  I'm in a bit of a rut.
• Visit Nappa Valley
• Make my Japan Scrapbook (I've got hundreds of things to put in it...I'm just intimidated!!)
• Cruise to Mexico for 25th Anniversary (scheduled for Feb. 2012!!!)
• Schedule at least 3 romantic weekend "get-aways" (Day Trips)
• Study local history and visit local historic places
• Take more thoughtful photographs (go back to my plan of photographing churches and such)
• Send at least 1 encouraging note a month to my friends who are struggling
• Open my home to my friends more often for entertaining. I'm tired of being lonely!!!
• Do something extra special for Steve on a consistent basis (monthly??) to let him know how much I appreciate and love him

This is by no means an exhaustive list.....but it's a start!!  For once, I'm excited about making plans for a new year!!  I'm going to have a GREAT year and discover my NEW life!!! 

Well, I survived Gastric Sleeve Surgery. Barely.

Well, It's been a couple of weeks since I last posted....and yet it seems like almost a lifetime ago!!  I had my gastric sleeve surgery on 12-15-11- a week ago yesterday.....and have pretty much been in a painful-nauseated fog since then...but THANKFULLY, the fog is beginning to lift and I believe that I am ready to get back to a routine and live a different life now! 

This whole experience has been...wow.  I don't even have words to express the jumble of emotions I've been through...often within a very few minutes of each other: apprehension, anxiety, pain, fear, regret, nausea, elation, sense of accomplishment, depression, self-pity, self-pride, appreciation, exhaustion, soreness, despair.....it's been quite the roller coaster ride.  I woke up from surgery in quite a bit more pain than I had anticipated.  I knew I'd be sore...but I didn't realize how much I would HURT!  Worse than the pain was the almost overwhelming nausea that was my constant companion for about 4 days.  I couldn't turn my head or even move my eyes without a wave of nausea. Accompanying the nausea was a gnawing headache that lasted for about 4 days as well.  Throwing up was the most painful experience...and because of having 2 large babies...every time I threw up, I urinated all over myself (adding insult to injury). I would throw up, scream in pain, wet my pants and cry.....repeat this cycle about every 30-40 minutes for about 4 very miserable days.I was very, very, very, very glad to have that phase of recovery over and done!  I literally REJOICED the morning I slept through the night the first time and then didn't throw up all day!  I had planned on "bouncing back" in a few days and returning to work in a few days...and being myself.  WOW.  I so didn't see reality coming!! I was pretty much knocked flat on my hiney for a week.  It's been a week yesterday...and today is the first day I've actually felt good and felt like doing a few little things around the house.  I even went to the Grocery Store and the Wine Store with Steve and was EVER so happy to get out of the house!!!  Of course, once we got home today, it took more than 3 hours of napping and resting on the couch to recover from my "trip" but it was totally worth it!  :)  

I have watched a lot of day-time TV this week.  The first 4 days, I couldn't stand for the TV to even be on...it made my head hurt and trying to look at the screen made my nausea worse...and it doesn't help that every 10 minutes there were about 2-3 commercials for FOOD.  I wasn't hungry....but because of the nausea I sure didn't want to think about FOOD in any shape or form.  When Steve would watch TV, I'd just have to close my eyes and not look.  After about 4 days, I was fine to watch TV and even watch Food Network without it bothering me.   The blessing of this surgery is that I don't feel HUNGRY all the time any more!!!  I can watch a show about food and not have to be cramming it in my mouth the entire time! (What a novel concept, right??) haha!  So I spent my days watching "The Today Show", "Martha Stewart",  "House Hunters" and any assortment of Christmas shows on DIY, Food Network and HGTV.  I watched a fair share of Hallmark Channel Christmas movies....a guilty pleasure. haha!  I know that they are romanticized and sappy and they are SOOO predictable...but they are all kind of sweet too.....and I just liked how in 2 hours, everything sorts itself out and everybody has a very Merry Christmas!  If only real life were so accommodating, RIGHT??   I also spent many hours coloring in my secret stash of coloring books (another guilty pleasure...it feels decadent because it serves NO purpose on earth but to entertain myself).  I am SO glad I sprung for the 64 box Crayolas!!!  :)   I tried to read some....I was about 1/3rd of the way through "Emma" again before surgery(HUGE Jane Austin fan) but I found that the hydrocodone elixir jumbled my thoughts until I realized I'd re-read the same paragraphs 5 times and still had not a single clue what I was reading about.   I would occasionally leave the sanctuary of my couch/pillow/quits to check my Facebook and email...but sitting upright in the office chair wasn't nearly as comfortable....so my Internet time was limited.  There is a strange sense of time compression. I guess I sort of "lost" a few days?  I can't even explain it...but I feel like I somehow missed gaps of time. I slept.  I slept a LOT....which evidently I needed to help me heal.  I think I just needed it period.....I do feel more rested than I have in quite a while. 

Today marks the day when I can advance my diet to include Pureed foods.  I celebrated this milestone by pouring a can of Campbell's Bean and Bacon soup into a large glass pitcher with a can and a half of water to thin it out and then using the immersion blender to make it into a grayish-brown watery paste.  It looked completely gross and stuck to the side of the glass pitcher (like buttermilk??) and smelled suspiciously like dog-food.  But I heated it up in the microwave and lo and behold...it tasted REALLY good!!!  I've had 2 servings (about 1/4 a cup each) today and enjoyed both servings very much!   I have to eat only pureed and liquid foods until I reach 3 weeks post op...at which time I can begin to introduce soft foods. I have calculated this date as 1-5-12, I've marked it on the calendar and MAN, am I looking forward to that day! 

I'm actually excited about the pureed foods!  I've been on the prep diet for so long prior to surgery and the liquids only 2 weeks before and 1 week after surgery....that I'm getting to have a few foods I haven't had in a while.....just in pureed form.  The bean and bacon soup, for example.  It's fairly high in protein and low in calories....but it tasted so decadent! I also bought some yogurt today in some really cool flavors that I'm excited about: Carrot Cake, Vanilla Chai, Spiced Pear, and Pomegranate.  I also got a few packets of instant mashed potatoes that I can mix with protein powder and thin to a consistency that I can swallow. The problems with the pureed foods is that once I swallow them, if they aren't thinned enough, they cause some tightness and sharp pain once they reach my stomach.  I have to take tiny little bites and space them out....which works okay....I just have to be VERY careful about swallowing air.  Air bubbles hurt like the DICKENS!!!!!  I found that using my Demitasse (however you spell it!) spoons (the tiny ones you use with espresso??) helps me take smaller bites and it takes longer to eat, so I feel more satisfied and I don't get bites that are so large they hurt going down.  I guess it's just going to be a process of trial and error to see what I can and can't tolerate.  At any rate..I'm just glad to be able to taste and enjoy SOMETHING again!
At a week post op, I'm glad I had the surgery and I'm ready to move forward.  IF you'd have asked me any day this past week, I'd have tearfully told you that I wish I'd never done it.  Pain has a way of skewing your thinking that way.  Today....I think I'm ready to move on and I am planning a LOT of adventures for 2012...which will lead right into my next blog entry!  :)

The Time of My Life?

We just watched a movie tonight that made me think.  The movie was about a group of 40ish friends who had been friends since High School and they were coming together to have a party and to try to recreate their high school days.  They were all caught up in the nostalgia of "how wonderful it used to be" and how miserable they were now as responsible adults.  Don't get me wrong! I was diggin the rad 80's vibe.....their outfits were totally awesome....they had the neon, the Madonna lace gloves, the Member's Only jackets and big hair....all of those fantastic 80's iconic looks.  And the sound track for this movie was a happy trip down memory lane as well.  But I couldn't get over how stuck in the past these folks were.  They kept talking about how their high school years were the best years of their lives and how despite being successful in their careers and being parents and having happy marriages. they all agreed that the last time they ever felt happy and free was when they were still in high school.  All I could think was....HOW SAD!!! 

Exactly the opposite is true for me.  My high school years were somewhat painful and looking back, they were some of the darkest and loneliest times of my life.  I spent most of my time just trying to survive high school.  I wasn't popular; I wasn't cool.  I wasn't athletic.  I tended to say the wrong things, wear the wrong things, and do the wrong things to fit in.  I had a few close friends who were my saving grace. At some point, I decided that if I couldn't be popular and fit in.....maybe I could just blend in and become invisible.  This strategy worked fairly well most of the time.  I was considered smart - not super-smart like some of my friends - but smart enough to get mostly A's. Smart enough that folks would pretend to be my friend so that they could copy my homework. I suppose I was more of a nerd...I actually liked learning and enjoyed all of my (non-math) classes.   I didn't HATE school...not by any means....but it certainly wasn't "the time of my life" either.  There were a few outstanding moments in high school that I can look back on fondly....but I wouldn't want to go back and relive my high school days for anything. 

Somewhere after high school and probably even after nursing school, I finally found my place in life.  I found my voice.....found my passions and found contentment and happiness. Somewhere along the way, I figure out what was really important to me, WHO was really important to me and why some things just didn't matter.  I learned to be comfortable with my imperfections and embrace my own "weirdness" and odd sense of humor. I'm still a work-in-progress.....and of course, I still have significant self-doubts at times.  But I'm not painfully ashamed of who I am anymore.  Back in high school...and probably even before high school, I had bought into the notion that I was some kind of second class citizen.....that I wasn't "worth much"....that I was insignificant and that no matter how much I worked or how well I did at anything.... I was never quite enough.  

I still have those days......but time has a way of teaching us the difference between what is superficial and what goes bone-deep.  I learned that being a stunningly beautiful woman was not within my reach....but that being as kind, thoughtful and nice were all things I could strive for.  (Note, that I said strive for.....it's still an uphill battle sometimes). The words my Grandma repeated to me over and over as a child started to make sense, "Pretty is as Pretty Does."  When I was younger, I didn't have a clue what she was talking about.   As an adult now, I know EXACTLY what she was talking about.  We all know folks who are drop-dead gorgeous until they open their mouth and speak all kinds of ugliness. Kind of mars the pretty picture they present, doesn't it?

I still have those moments of wanting desperately to be cool.....to fit in.  It happens at work...it happens at church....it happened when my kids were growing up at the PTO meetings.....and it always catches me off-guard.  It almost always starts with a seed of jealously....envying how another woman can look so thin and fashionable when I feel dumpy and unattractive.  I say it catches me off guard because I usually don't realize that it's happening until I'm feeling all irritable and pathetic and self-loathing. 

Once I'm able to realize the cycle...I've learned that I can put a stop to it.  That's something I've learned just in the last few years.  I stop myself, call myself out on the pity-party and start mentally going over the list of blessings in my life.  I always start out grudgingly....usually with a heavy sigh and it goes something like this..."Thank you, God for my kids....even though they fought in the car today on the way here.  Thank you for my husband.....even though he was hateful about running out of milk this morning.  Thank you for our home. Thank you for our cars.  Thank you for........and I keep on listing them.  I keep on until I get to a place of genuine gratitude.  Sometimes, it only takes a few minutes...and sometimes I keep right on "thanking" for over an hour.  However long it takes to break through my stubborn self-pity and realize once again that I am blessed beyond measure.  More often than not, these "thankful for my blessings" sessions end with tears streaming down my face and my hands lifted  in worship and in awe of the unbelievable mercy and grace of God.  By the time I've listed a few hundred things that God has done for me and given to me and forgiven me for.....it becomes a very humbling experience.  It also gets my mind focused where it should be....OFF MYSELF.

Do I always get it right?  Sadly, no.  I'm embarrassed to say that I sulk around for days...and  even weeks sometimes before I  even come to the realization that I've slipped right back into my defeated thinking patterns again.  But I'm getting better at recognizing it!  I'm slowly learning that it's so much more pleasant to be grateful for what I have than to envy what I don't have and hate myself for all that I am not. 

I have to say that NOW....this time in my life....these are the best days of my life so far.  I don't look back and want to relive the past.....I am not even really interested in looking forward to what may happen some time down the road.  NOW is the best time. Because yesterday can't be changed and we're not even promised a tomorrow.....but we have the here and now.  My challenge....my goal for the coming year is to live in the NOW.  To be more aware of the blessings of each moment.  To savor the smell of my coffee in the mornings; to notice how the light changes when the sun rises over a misty field; to feel how soft my puppy's fur is when she snuggles in my lap; I want to feel the warmth of my husband's hand as he reaches for mine as we ride in the car.  I want to hear every syllable when he tells me he loves me.  I want to enjoy each moment and be mindful of all the little things that are indeed blessings in my life.  I think that is the secret to contentment and happiness.  Like the bumper-sticker says, "Happiness is not having everything you want; it's wanting everything you have."  There is some truth to that.    This really IS the best time of my life!  :)

Peace on Earth ??

Christmas time is here…happiness and cheer.   Or maybe not.  Sometimes it’s just another season.  Just another month.  Just another day.  Nothing special.  I think sometimes our expectations of what we think the Holidays SHOULD be like set us up for disappointment.  Maybe we watched too many Hallmark Christmas movies, too many cheesy sitcoms where all the problems are all solved in 30 minutes and everyone learns a happy lesson and they all sing “Peace on Earth” at the end.  Real life tends to be a bit messier.  A bit more real.  A lot more disappointing. 

In the movies, the relatives always make it home just in time to celebrate the big day; in real life…the relatives are in a nursing home, deployed in a war zone, or even in jail.  There’s no heart-warming home-coming….just cold loneliness.  In the movies, there’s always heaps of presents under the tree and the kids always get EXACTLY what they wished for!  In real life, sometimes the money runs out because the bills take priority over any luxuries and the parents work their hardest, but just can’t swing the cost of newest and the best.  Spouses leave. Companies lay-off.  Mortgages are due. Cancer afflicts. Drugs and alcohol steals personalities. Teens get pregnant. Cars get wrecked. Beloved pets die. These things keep happening with no respect to the date on the calendar. 

Sometimes…..sometimes even those of us with new presents, a house full of relatives, shiny new cars, more than enough to eat, and seemingly “normal” middle class lives feel the sting of December’s disappointment.  We can go through the motions…putting up the tree, or putting up several trees, decking the halls, singing the carols, baking the cookies, wrapping the presents, hanging the wreath, mailing the Christmas cards…and we’re still left with no Peach on Earth in the middle of our Silent Nights.  Outwardly, we’re doing all the right things: going to all the right parties, churches, seeing all the right plays, watching all the right Christmas specials and baking all the special foods…but inwardly, we’re as cold and sad as the ripped and crumpled wrapping paper in the trash the day after Christmas. 

What are we missing?  What elusive experience are we chasing?  What can we do to make it so perfect in our homes that Normal Rockwell would clamor for a chance to paint our portraits around our Christmas dinner table? 

Why is it that even surrounded by blessings, by loving families, by comfort and plenty, and good health…..why is it that even then, we’re not really, truly happy or peaceful feeling down deep inside ourselves?  What would it take to defrost the ice on our hearts? What would have to happen to shake our very souls and give us an actual feeling of peaceful rest? The perfect gift? The perfect slice of cheesecake? Reconciled family members? Well behaved children? Winning the lottery? Becoming the next American Idol? Writing a best selling book? Making the Olympic Gymnastic team?  What on earth would it take to guarantee happiness?  Is there any THING that can make and fulfill that impossible promise? If it’s not a thing….what about a person??  Who would it take to thrill your heart?? Your soul-mate? Your best friend? Your estranged father? Your child? Your puppy?  A movie star? A long-lost lover?

Or is it something that has to come from within?  A stronger will? More faith? More motivation? Stronger resolve?  Creativity? Intelligence?

Or would any of these make any difference at all?  Are we as humans programmed with a longing for something more than this world can offer?  I tend to think so.  I believe that we will never been 100% completely satisfied and peaceful while on this earth.  I believe that we were created with eternity set in our hearts and we will spend this lifetime striving to find the peace and rest that we will reach only when this lifetime is over. Perhaps this life is for trouble and strife, working and longing….and eternity is for peace, worship and rest.  

Christmas, when focused on eternity….reminds us that we were created for so much more than this imperfect life.  We’re reminded that God would take on flesh and blood and become human as one of us to draw us to Him.  It’s mind-boggling to me that the baby born in a stable so long ago is the God of all creation and that He was born to die….born to die in MY place….born to die so that I could live.  When I focus on this true meaning of Christmas, I find my heart is a bit more peaceful…my mood less pensive and more thankful….I find that I am no longer saddened by my less than perfect circumstances because I’m in awe of the sacrifice of an immortal deity becoming so human…solely for my sake. Have I ever known such perfect love or felt such perfect peace as this?  Nothing can compare.  The weight of the glory of that moment blankets my heart in warmth and stills my wandering mind.   

Recycled list of 100 things about ME. Completely self-indulgent. :)

1. I hate Uncle Sam, Sock Monkeys, Steam-Rollers (or “Scare-Buggies” as I like to call them), oingy-boingy toys and Jack-in-The Boxes.   I have had bad dreams about all of these things at one time or another and they totally freak me out.
2. Sunrise and Sunset are my favorite times of the day.
3. I am actually shocked that I am 43 years old.  WHEN did that happen??  I don’t FEEL middle-aged; sometimes my reflection in the mirror catches me off guard and I think, “Who IS that old woman?”
4. I actually enjoy watching Bill Myer’s show on HBO.  I know he’s an atheist and a dem/lib…..and I disagree with SO much that he has to say…but some of it is smart and some of it just cracks me up and I find the show intellectually stimulating.  I especially like the segment “New Rules.” 
5.  I’ve always wanted a car painted glittery-hot-pink or purple. (You know, like the paint they use on speedboats?? Metal-fleck stuff?) OH yeah. 
6. I cry.  A LOT.  Happy-Cry, Sad-Cry, Mad-Cry, Surprised-Cry, Whiney-Cry, Sorrow-Cry, Worry-Cry….I wish I had more control over my tears.
7. I have a burning desire to write/publish a book.  Several books.
8. I hate being alone. 
9. The best thing about summer for me is fresh produce!  I love, love, LOVE cucumbers, tomatoes, corn-on-the-cob, okra, etc. etc. etc fresh from the garden!!  I miss canning vegetables with my Granny.
10. I found a dead body in our back yard when I was a small girl.  Scared the wits outta me. I was terrified to go outside for months.
11. I am finally comfortable with WHO I AM, but still not how I look.  I wish I was ½ my current size.  L  Not being able to lose weight is my biggest disappointment in life.
12. I hate organized sports.  Don’t like to watch sports, don’t like to play sports, and mostly I don’t understand why otherwise normal folks get so ga-ga over sports teams. 
13. I love the ocean, but am afraid to get in it.  The thought of jellyfish, sharks, piranha, barracudas, crabs, sea monsters and Sponge Bob being “out-there-somewhere-in-the-deep” scares me right back out onto the sand. 
14. I want to travel the WORLD!  I want to see it all!  Mountains, valleys, oceans, villas, castles, rivers, jungles, tundra, dessert, rainforests……I want to see it ALL!!!
15. I used to make up a wild “testimony” in Youth Group because I thought my own life was too boring.  Looking back, I wonder WHAT on EARTH those teachers thought when I “confessed” all my wrong-doing! Hahhaha!!!
16. Beth Moore is one of my all-time favorite writers/speakers.
17. Christmas is my favorite holiday.  I love Christmas carols so much that I’d listen to them all year round if my husband and kids wouldn’t have me committed for it !  haha!!
18. I can’t sew.  I’ve always wanted to…I’ve tried to…..but it always ends in disaster with a seam-ripper and a lot of tears.
19. I used to smoke cigars from time to time in my early adulthood.  But, much like Bill Clinton….I never inhaled. (But THAT folks, is where the comparison to Bill Clinton and cigars stops.  Just sayin.)
20. I’ve never tried any illicit or illegal drug of any kind.  I was a goody-two-shoes! J
21. I used to be so jealous of my friends who had an “intact” family.  I really, really, really hated “Father-Daughter” events because I didn’t have a dad at home.
22. To this day when I’m scared at night….I cover up my head with the covers…..like THAT’S going to save me. Haha!
23. I love prunes.   There.  I said it.  They are like natures’ candy!  (albeit with some untoward side-effects if you eat too many).
24.  Banana popsicles are my favorite flavor.
25. I’m an avid reader…often reading 4-5 books per month.
26. I’ve always wanted to be the person who gets to name paint colors, make-up colors, carpet colors, etc….. how FUN would that BE?? 
27. I hate wearing shoes. 
28. I am enjoying my “empty-nest” phase of life….but I often get lonely and I miss my kids terribly sometimes.
29. I want to learn to paint! 
30. I’ve always wanted to sing well enough to sing with Steve just ONE time….but alas….I can’t carry a tune in a bucket! I have a tendency to change keys a lot (where I’m not supposed to) and it sounds awful.  But when I’m alone…I sing! I sing LOUD and sometimes I even dance too!  J
31. I have a pair of blue-velveteen short-shorts with “BootyLicious” spray-painted across the butt in red and gold glittery paint.  Upon occasion, when I wanted to mortify my children….I would pull them out and threaten to wear them in public.  I still have them hidden in my drawer!
32.  I adore eating out in restaurants!!! 
33. I get absolute JOY from encouraging other people.  I love it when I can brighten someone’s day or make someone smile! 
34. My husband is my very best friend.  I tell him everything, trust him completely, admire and respect him greatly, and love him so much that I can’t even express it in mere words.   
35. I love to write corny poetry. I have 3 entire journal books full of corny poetry that I’ve written over the years.
36. I’ve been skinny-dipping once.  Once was enough.
37. The one time I ever toilet-papered a yard, we got caught.  By the police.
38.  I’ve always wanted to go to one of those dinner shows at Medieval Times….but we’ve just never done it!
39.  I love acting and I miss getting to participate in dramatic arts.
40.  Although I occasionally have an alcoholic beverage, I have never been drunk.  Ever.
41.  I like to watch reruns of shows like “Family Ties”, “Golden Girls”, “The Cosby Show”, “Alf” , “Mork and Mindy”, “Happy Days” , “Laverne and Shirley”, “I Love Lucy”, “Andy Griffith”, etc…etc…etc.   
42.  I am a sucker for cartoons.  
43. I love to bake…especially cookies and cakes!
44.  I do not like rollercoasters.
45.   I refuse to watch scary movies….no horror flicks, no movies where people get hurt.  There’s enough pain in this broken world without me having to watch fictional accounts.
46.  I miss my Mamaw terribly.  There’s not a day goes by that I don’t think of her.
47.  I love long car trips with my husband!  We always have the best time!
48.  I love to get pedicures and I love to get massages.  Maybe I just like paying people to touch me?? Haha!  Okay. That sounded MUCH weirder than I intended.
49.  I am a very loyal person and I value friendship very highly.
50.  I love to collect things.  I am NOT a pack-rat or a hoarder (as I have been unfairly accused!) haha!  I have boxes of teapots, porcelain dolls, teddy bears, lighthouses, Precious Moments, Cherished Teddies, etc. etc. etc.
51.  I am very sentimental.
52.  In the winter I enjoy a steaming cup of hot tea before bedtime….either peppermint tea, almond sunset tea or Earl Grey.
53.  I love to take pictures!!  (Not be IN them….but take them).
54.  I do a crossword puzzle almost every evening.  I hate everything about numbers…but I made myself learn how to do Soduku puzzles because I felt I needed a challenge.
55.  I used to work at Hills Department Store in the toy department.
56.  I CAN NOT STAND bullies, racists, or meanies.  All God’s children (rich, poor, black, yellow, white, smart, disabled, athletic, ugly, pretty)…we ALL need to play nice and get along.  Don’t be mean to ANYBODY. EVER.  It just ain’t right.
57.  I don’t really like Starbucks coffee.  It kindda tastes like acidic mud to me.  The frozen ones are okay….but not all that.
58.  I love being creative…whether it’s drawing, painting, decorating a cake, making crafts, etc…..  I may not be good at it all….but I do enjoy the effort!
59.  I love seeing precious little girls all dressed up in frilly dresses and bows.  So sweet!  And I love seeing little fellas dressed in shorts and cowboy boots! Nothing cuter!
60.  I’ve only ever gotten 1 speeding ticket in my life (and it was about 2 months ago).  I cried all the way home.
61.  I coveted my cousin’s Ms. Beasley Doll.  I always, always wanted one.
62.   I am not fond of Chocolate.
63.   I am allergic to Sulfa and Cipro.  They cause me to break out in hives and look like a plucked chicken!
64.   I once tried to wax my underarm hair when I was 14.  Notice I say ONCE.  Burned my pits with hot wax and then the wax wouldn’t come off and stuck to my clothes for a week….and it hurt to put my arms down by my sides! What a mess that was!!!
65.   I once accidentally full-on “mooned” a mailman.  It was completely accidental and I was utterly mortified.
66.   I love Cream Soda, Root Beer, Grape Soda, Gingerale, Orange Crush, and Fresca!
67.   I have ridden a mechanical bull.
68.   When I was a little girl, I had a huge MatchBox and Hot Wheels collection!  I used to build “roads” all in the gravel driveway and build towns and have a blast with those little cars!
69.   I had a Donny and Marie lunch box, Donny and Marie Barbie Dolls, and every issue of ‘Tiger Beat’ and ‘Dynomite’ that had a picture of Donny Osmond in it! J
70.   I loved elementary school cafeteria food.
71.   I was 21 years old the first time I saw the ocean…Cocoa Beach in Florida.
72.   I love the writing of Lucy Maude Montgomery and want to visit Prince Edward Island sooo badly!!!
73.   I love the sound of Kettle Drums…..it’s like an instant vacation whenever I hear them!
74.   I struggle daily with anxiety and depression…and then feel guilty about feeling depressed and anxious when I am so blessed, and that makes me……ANXIOUS AND DEPRESSED!  It’s a vicious cycle!
75.   My very first car was a 1976 Camero.
76.   I went to a casino once and put a quarter in the slot machine and pulled the arm down….just so I could mark it off my “bucket-list.”   Didn’t win.  
77.   I once made a  chicken-dish so awful that my kids and husband refused to eat it after the first bite.  It tasted AWFUL. We threw it away and I cooked something else.  You win some, you lose some!
78.   Watermelon is my favorite food.
79.   Sometimes, when I’m in a stuffy, formal or professional setting, I have to stifle the urge to jump up and yell (really loud) HOOGITY-BOOGITY!!!!! Or something equally disruptive and inappropriate.  I guess I just want to see the startled looks on people’s faces, I don’t know.  The thought just has some unapologetic appeal to me.
80.  I’m a list-maker. Keeps me on-track.
81.   I enjoy snooping around antique stores….I wonder about the story that each old item has to tell.
82.   I love trying different foods from around the world!
83.   I have always wanted a cotton candy maker!  I loves me some cotton candy!
84.   I do not like video-games.
85.   Since I moved back to TN from Texas…..I don’t really miss Whattaburger at all.  But I do miss Taco Bueno!  (And I seriously miss my Texas friends most of all.)
86.   I never cared for Elvis’ music. Not a big fan. 
87.   Some people think I’m a (gasp) NERD.  I embrace that. J As Popeye would say, “I yam what I yam.”
88.   I could spend an entire day in Hobby Lobby….just looking at and dreaming of all the possibilities!
89.   Sometimes, I honestly fear that I’m a hypochondriac.  It worries me.
90.  I love driving around the countryside…seeing the old barns, the cows in the fields, gardens, hay bales, little creeks, horses….it makes me feel happy and relaxed.
91.   I still tear-up a bit when I hear ‘I’m Proud To Be An American” on July 4th and also when I hear, “Butterfly Kisses” and “Watercolor Ponies” and “Amazing Grace, My Chains are Gone.”
92.  I like to pretend that I know how to speak Spanish.  I only really know enough to be dangerous! J
93.  My think that my greatest achievement in life has been raising my 2 beautiful, strong, healthy, independently minded children to adulthood.
94.   I am blessed beyond all measure with a loving husband, children who love me, an entourage of amazing friends, extended family, and way more than I need of everything. 
95.   When I am sick or I don’t feel well, nothing in this world feels better than my Momma holding my head.  She has magical healing in her hands! J
96.   I once danced in a stage production of “Fame” when I was in the 8th grade and I just LOVED it!
97.   I can still do the splits!! 
98.   I love the way crayons smell.  Actually, I should just go ahead and admit that I have a “school supply” fetish and be done with it! Haha!
99.   I love the smell of freshly washed laundry! 
100. I realized when making this list that I am fairly BORING and most of these items are inane

I'm the Worst Blogger EVER.

I'm pretty sure that I qualify as the world's WORST BLOGGER EVER.  It's been over a month since my last entry.  I had such high hopes.  Such lofty plans.  Such noble ideas!  I was going to make an entry into my blog each day that I was in Japan to record every detail of my fantastic journey so that I could remember every single thing forever!!  I wrote the first day.....and then I was so tired and exhausted from all the walking and sight-seeing and jet-lag the rest of the trip that I never even wrote another word.  And since I've been home a month......I still haven't taken the time to put it all down on paper.  I'm terrified that I'll forget most of it before I ever find the motivation to get it all written.  I have the photographs though!  Three thousand of them, to be exact!! Hahaha!!!  The trip was amazing.....the trip of a lifetime! 
Since I've been home....things have been on fast-forward.  I came home expecting to have my gastric bypass surgery the week after I returned home....only to be devastated by the fact that my insurance had denied it and my surgery was cancelled.  I had to jump through a million hoops in the three weeks following that....and FINALLY got it approved!  I'm scheduled to have the surgery on 12-15-11....a week from tomorrow.  I've been on my liquid prep diet for a week now and I'm totally miserable with it.  I'm ready to have this over and done with.  They are supposed to remove the part of my stomach that produces grehlin...the hormone that causes you to have an increased appetite.  I am sooooo looking forward to getting rid of THAT!!!  I am hungry all the stinking time!  Since I can't eat solid food.....I find that I'm obsessing about it all the time.  I even DREAMED about cheesy nachos night before last!!!  How messed up is that?? 
I'm beginning to realize that I have such a complicated relationship with food that it's going to take a while to sort this all out. I suppose Food has always been my "comfort"....it never judged me, never laughed at me...never left me, and always satisfied me..at least for a while.  I used food to fill up all the empty places in my spirit.....and ended up OVER filling!!!  I have been so full of food that I've been depleted and empty of other, more important things.  Now that I can't use food to make myself feel better....I find that it's almost like I am grieving for food!  I've been really depressed and anxious and very uncharacteristically irritable. I miss my old friend!!!  We've had 43 years to bond and I miss eating!!  The protein shakes aren't awful...but they only satisfy my nutritional needs...not my emotional ones.  I've had a very few "not so proud" moments in the last few weeks.....and I've come to see just how awful my dependence on food is. Not my physical dependence on food for survival....but my dependence on it as an assistive device..a coping mechanish...a crutch.  I have sat and actually CRIED this week because I can't eat what I want to eat.  I've been angry with thin people because they can eat what they want. I'll even admit that I've done a nauseatingly large amount of feeling sorry for myself. I've thrown myself a huge pity-party and sadly invited everybody I've come in contact with.   I told my puppy all about it...and she's a good listener, but Sophie doesn't offer much in the way of advice.  I'm really glad that she can't talk....at least my secrets are safe with her!  haha! (Although...I'm sitting here telling "you".....which is probably about 2 people, max!) hahahaha!

Needless to say.....my "getting a grip" and dealing with my life-long food issues and baggage is long over-due.  I'm trying my best to come clean.....and I am hoping that next Thursday when I have this surgery, my life will drastically change.  Well, that's not really the whole truth.....it already has started changing.  I'm taking an honest look and seeing where I've replaced important things (such as love, my relationship with God, trust, my self-image, my confidence, etc....) with food.  I am seeing it clearly for the first time in a long time...and I will be completely honest...I don't like what I see.  I don't like it at all.  I'm so ready for this change.  I'm ready to start living LIFE and quit hiding behind 300+ pounds of shame.  I am proud to report that as of this morning, I've lost a total of 38 pounds already!!!  I'm feeling better and had a small taste of success.  God is so good, merciful and gracious to me to allow me to have this second chance!!! 
I've taken the first few steps on a very long journey!! A journey that I'm glad to be on!!  Bon Voyage!  :)