Books
1. The Bible
2. Anne of Green Gables
3. Black Beauty
4. Little Women
5. Pippi Longstockings
6. Clara Barton Books
7. Breaking Free
8. Laura Ingles Wilder Books
9. Redeeming Love
10. Gone With The Wind
Movies
1. Airplane
2. My Fair Lady
3. The Jerk
4. Sixteen Candles
5. Romy and Michele's HS Reunion
6. Babe
7. Toy Story
8. Forrest Gump
9. The Princess Bride
10. Grease (I and II)
Foods
1. Cotton Candy
2. Watermelon
3. Mexican Food
4. Fried Pickles
5. Pizza
6. Cannoli
7. Tiramisu
8. Crème Brule
9. Soft Serve Ice Cream
10. Cheese
Restaurants
1. Carrabelle's
2. Parkside
3. Monkey Town
4. Screen Door
5. Rib and Loin
6. Delia's
7. Merv's
8. Chili's
9. Fresh Pot
10. Ankars
Places
1. Ireland
2. England
3. Scotland
4. France
5. Italy
6. Greece
7. St Thomas
8. Germany
9. Amsterdam
10. CHATTANOOGA
Toys
1. Easy Bake Oven
2. Ms. Beasley Doll
3. Barbies
4. Tinker Toys
5. Lincoln Logs
6. Coloring books
7. books
8. Hot Wheels Cars
9. Lemon Twist
10. Teddy Bears
Things I wish I could Paint
1. Barns
2. landscapes
3. cityscapes
4.castles
5. mountains
6. old churches
7. animals
8. people
9. water
10. landmarks
Dreams
1. travel
2. acting
3. writing
4. art
5. weight loss that lasts
6. singing with my husband
7. stand-up comedy
8. looking pretty
9. having friends
10. having my whole family together
Hobbies
1. baking
2. photography
3. crafts
4. writing
5. reading
6. drawing
7. coloring
8. traveling
9. cross stitching
10. cooking
Things I want to Learn
1. painting
2. photography
3. cake decorating
4. massage therapy
5. to speak Spanish better
6. drawing
7. sign language
8. flower arranging
9. dancing
10. writing
Guilty Pleasures
1. food
2. daydreaming
3. taking bra off at the end of a day
4. reading a good book
5. seeing new places
6. magazines
7. naps
8. paying for coffee when I have it at home
9. eating at restaurants
10. pinterest
Gift Ideas
1. candles
2. books
3. pens
4. soft socks
5. kitchen gear
6. coffee
7. clothes
8. jewelry
9. mugs
10. cookbooks
Scents/Aromas
1. crayons
2. playdough
3. my husband
4. suntan oil
5. freshly bathed baby
6. books
7. pinesol
8. bubble bath
9. fresh towels from the laundry
10. freshly brewed coffee
People who Influenced my Life
1. Mamaw
2. Ms Lively
3. Ms. Thomas
4. Ms. Towns
5. Mr.Leather
6. husband
7. kids
8. mom
9. dad (not in a good way)
10. gf (not in a good way)
Wednesday, January 29, 2020
Inertia
Inertia. Motion. An object in motion tends to stay in motion. But a girl sitting on the couch is a goner. These are facts, based on science-y stuff. Trust me. Math and equations and deductive reasoning and the scientific method and hypotheses and control groups were used. And graphs and charts and diagrams. Evidence-based stuff. All of that smart stuff.
And personal experience.
I can personally testify. Give me a to-do list and a deadline and I will move heaven and earth to check off all the boxes on that list and I will work and hustle and apply as much elbow grease and gumption as required to make the magic happen. I can get stuff done. I am the consummate list check-er-off-er. This makes me very valuable to employers. This is why folks want me on their group-project team. This is where I excel.
Saturday chores? Got a list! Laundry, Change the linens, make the weekly menus and grocery list and do the shopping! Clean the toilets, scrub the tubs and showers, sweep and mop and vacuum the floors! Clean the kitchen!
Special projects? No problem! Get me up early! We will weed and mulch the flower beds, clean out the closets, paint the room, clean out the garage, pressure-wash the drive way, wash the cars, plan a trip, drive 1000 miles, plan and host a party for 50? NO problem!! Here I go!!
But let me sit down to rest......let me change out of my tennis shoes and get into my jammies and fuzzy socks and cozy clothes, or heaven forbid.....if I take the bra off.....we are done. So done. It's so predictable! once the forward motion is stalled, I have the WORST time getting that motor running again. It might sputter half-heartedly, but will usually stall out all together and come to a screeching halt.
It's like once my butt hits the couch, it immediately tethers itself, props up my feet, puts down deep roots, holds it's fist skyward and proclaims, "I shall not be moved!" And it really means it too. The couch caresses my back-side and cradles it ever so gently and sings a siren song of idleness that will not be denied.
Dead stop.
And personal experience.
I can personally testify. Give me a to-do list and a deadline and I will move heaven and earth to check off all the boxes on that list and I will work and hustle and apply as much elbow grease and gumption as required to make the magic happen. I can get stuff done. I am the consummate list check-er-off-er. This makes me very valuable to employers. This is why folks want me on their group-project team. This is where I excel.
Saturday chores? Got a list! Laundry, Change the linens, make the weekly menus and grocery list and do the shopping! Clean the toilets, scrub the tubs and showers, sweep and mop and vacuum the floors! Clean the kitchen!
Special projects? No problem! Get me up early! We will weed and mulch the flower beds, clean out the closets, paint the room, clean out the garage, pressure-wash the drive way, wash the cars, plan a trip, drive 1000 miles, plan and host a party for 50? NO problem!! Here I go!!
But let me sit down to rest......let me change out of my tennis shoes and get into my jammies and fuzzy socks and cozy clothes, or heaven forbid.....if I take the bra off.....we are done. So done. It's so predictable! once the forward motion is stalled, I have the WORST time getting that motor running again. It might sputter half-heartedly, but will usually stall out all together and come to a screeching halt.
It's like once my butt hits the couch, it immediately tethers itself, props up my feet, puts down deep roots, holds it's fist skyward and proclaims, "I shall not be moved!" And it really means it too. The couch caresses my back-side and cradles it ever so gently and sings a siren song of idleness that will not be denied.
Dead stop.
music
Have you ever
heard a song…..and been instantly transported back to another time and another
place? Does music evoke memories and
emotions for you? Perhaps a first
kiss, your first dance, your first
boyfriend? Your favorite song from high
school, the song you played on repeat when you first learned to drive….the
songs you listened to when you had your first heartbreak. The songs you listened to with your friends
as you hung out after school, the songs you sang at church as a child, the songs
your family sang together. Songs from
summer camp or vacation Bible School, songs you sang to your children when they
were babies.
How many,
many words are there for songs or music?
Must be hundreds, maybe thousands!!
Songs, lullabies, ditties, nursery rhymes, slow jams, groovy dance hits,
fight songs, inspirational hymns, Psalms, spirituals, anthems, arias, drinking
songs and shanties, rounds, incantations, ballads, carols, chorales, ditties,
chants, refrains, verses, odes, lyricals, poems, pieces, strains, melodies,
numbers, tunes, choruses, madrigals, carillons, arrangements, cantatas,
concertos, operettas, works, scores, etudes, stanzas, symphonies, opus, rhapsodies, sonatas, cavatinas, pastorales,
cadence, standards, compositions…..
And types of
music? There is just something for
everybody!! Golden oldies, country,
western, rock and roll, rap, opera, soul, r & b, hard rock, punk, grunge,
indie rock, new wave, progressive, blues, gospel, contemporary Christian, dubstep, acoustic,
bebop, chamber music, choir, folk, fusion, heavy metal, instrumental, marches,
lounge lizard, techno, soundtracks, tv themes, jingles, bluegrass, honky-tonk,
surfing music, harmony, modern, ragtime, swing, acapella, classical, pastorale,
Motown, reggae, ska, art rock, grind core, hip-hop, barber-shop quartet, celtic,
zydeco, pop, standards, world-beat, electronic, Gregorian Chants, nature
tracks, ballads, soft-rock, symphony, marching band, and music from every
decade from the roaring 20’s to the present.
I can hear a
few strains of a song from a pivotal time in my life and it is instant
time-travel for me. I’m taken back to
the time, the feelings, the emotions, the smells, the sights, and the memories…...
"I got the Joy-Joy-Joy-Joy-Down in my heart!" or "Jesus Loves me" or "There was a Wise Old King" or "Father Abraham" takes me right back to a happy little Sunday school classroom with a flannel board and tiny short plastic chairs and tables low to the ground where the room smells like grape Kool-Aide and animal crackers and paste and crayons.
Another music memory: My first Kiss ever! On the dance floor at Church of the Nativity during my 8th grade dance during the Kenny Rogers song, “Lady” with my very first boyfriend, David. It was dim, slightly smoky (from the fog-machine), and all together magical!! His lips were so soft and my heart was beating so fast I thought it would jump out of my chest! We had just won a dance contest (for dancing our hearts out and doing the splits during the song, “Celebration.” It was in 1981 and I was in the 8th grade. If I hear that song now, I’m instantly taken back to that night and I’m swaying and swooning in that church gymnasium.
"I got the Joy-Joy-Joy-Joy-Down in my heart!" or "Jesus Loves me" or "There was a Wise Old King" or "Father Abraham" takes me right back to a happy little Sunday school classroom with a flannel board and tiny short plastic chairs and tables low to the ground where the room smells like grape Kool-Aide and animal crackers and paste and crayons.
Another music memory: My first Kiss ever! On the dance floor at Church of the Nativity during my 8th grade dance during the Kenny Rogers song, “Lady” with my very first boyfriend, David. It was dim, slightly smoky (from the fog-machine), and all together magical!! His lips were so soft and my heart was beating so fast I thought it would jump out of my chest! We had just won a dance contest (for dancing our hearts out and doing the splits during the song, “Celebration.” It was in 1981 and I was in the 8th grade. If I hear that song now, I’m instantly taken back to that night and I’m swaying and swooning in that church gymnasium.
Songs from
the movie soundtrack “Top Gun” takes me back to my high school dating years……as
does any song from “Fame” or “St Elmo’s Fire" or "Sixteen Candles" Ditto for anything by the Police, Styx, REO Speedwagon, Journey, Steve
Perry, Wham, Boy George and Duran-Duran. Basically, if I tune into any good 80’s
radio station and I turn into a teenager again.
Any songs
from Petra or Greg X Voltz takes me back to the very early days of my marriage
and to the time when my daughter was born. We attended a Petra concert when I
was about 8 months pregnant and then played their albums on repeat for the next
year or so. It was a magical, difficult,
exciting time in my life. Those memories
are very sweet now.
If I hear Lawrence
Welk type music, I’m transported back to Saturday nights of my childhood……my
grandparents enjoying watching “And-a-one-and-a-two….” And the same goes for
Hee-Haw. Tammy Wynette standing by her
man, or Loretta Lynn being a Coal-Miners daughter makes me very nostalgic.
Hearing the opening tune from the TV theme song for the Walton's almost makes me cry….remembering watching it with my Mamaw. I still love watching the corny reruns of “The Love Boat” and even though I never watched the show, I even get a bit nostalgic hearing the theme song from “Dallas” which was a big deal back in those days.
I wasn’t allowed to watch Sonny and Cher because my grandparents truly believed that youngsters shouldn’t be exposed to Cher because she didn’t wear decent clothes, showing way too much skin-which meant she was a fast-loose-woman of ill-repute.....but I longed to watch it like my friends did. I wanted to sing "I got you Babe" too! But I watched Donny and Marie Osmond. Faithfully. Every Friday night. And to this very day, I’m still a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll!!!!
Wee-Sing Bible Songs or the "Goin Quackers" songs take me back to long car rides with my kiddos in their car seats, smashing cheerios into the seat cushions and asking if we are "There Yet"
I have a few "trigger songs" that I just can't listen to any more because of painful emotional associations....."Red River Valley" and "Blue Eyes Cryin In the Rain" because of my Papaw and how he used to play them on his harmonica....."Amazing Grace my Chains are Gone" because my husband sang it at my sweet Mamaw's funeral and "Lord I'm Coming Home" because it was one of her favorites and "I Can Only Imagine" because Steve sang it at his aunt's funeral.
I hate some songs just on principle. I absolutely REFUSE to listen to "Christmas Shoes" and "Butterfly Kisses" for obvious reasons and after the untimely death of Stephen Curtis Chapman's little daughter, I can't her the song "Cinderella" or his song "Heaven is the Face" without ugly crying.
Some songs make me feel melancholy - "Summer Breeze" by Seals and Crofts and "Longer" (and pretty much anything else) by Dan Fogelberg. Landslide by Fleetwood Mac...Careless Whisper......Bridge over Troubled Water.....and it's not a sad feeling really.....just kind of mellow and reflective.
Some songs make me feel happy and energetic! "Let's Go Crazy" by Prince....."Walking on Sunshine" and Livin On a Prayer by JBJ......Bohemian Rhapsody.....Centerfold....Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go...….. and Don't Stop Believing…..Dancing Queen.....Born to be Wild....Hot-Hot-Hot! I just have to dance when I hear these songs!
Some songs take me to a specific time or place in my memory - The original Hill Songs (Shout To the Lord or Revival in Belfast) whisk me away to North Carolina.....as does "Vitamin C"
Petra's "Beat the System" and Sandi Patti's "Morning Like This" and Leslie Phillips "Dancing with Danger" all transport me to my senior year of high school and my first car, that 1976 Camero with faded silver paint and a cassette player!
Music really is the soundtrack of our lives - it touches us and transports us and transforms us every day.
Hearing the opening tune from the TV theme song for the Walton's almost makes me cry….remembering watching it with my Mamaw. I still love watching the corny reruns of “The Love Boat” and even though I never watched the show, I even get a bit nostalgic hearing the theme song from “Dallas” which was a big deal back in those days.
I wasn’t allowed to watch Sonny and Cher because my grandparents truly believed that youngsters shouldn’t be exposed to Cher because she didn’t wear decent clothes, showing way too much skin-which meant she was a fast-loose-woman of ill-repute.....but I longed to watch it like my friends did. I wanted to sing "I got you Babe" too! But I watched Donny and Marie Osmond. Faithfully. Every Friday night. And to this very day, I’m still a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll!!!!
Wee-Sing Bible Songs or the "Goin Quackers" songs take me back to long car rides with my kiddos in their car seats, smashing cheerios into the seat cushions and asking if we are "There Yet"
I have a few "trigger songs" that I just can't listen to any more because of painful emotional associations....."Red River Valley" and "Blue Eyes Cryin In the Rain" because of my Papaw and how he used to play them on his harmonica....."Amazing Grace my Chains are Gone" because my husband sang it at my sweet Mamaw's funeral and "Lord I'm Coming Home" because it was one of her favorites and "I Can Only Imagine" because Steve sang it at his aunt's funeral.
I hate some songs just on principle. I absolutely REFUSE to listen to "Christmas Shoes" and "Butterfly Kisses" for obvious reasons and after the untimely death of Stephen Curtis Chapman's little daughter, I can't her the song "Cinderella" or his song "Heaven is the Face" without ugly crying.
Some songs make me feel melancholy - "Summer Breeze" by Seals and Crofts and "Longer" (and pretty much anything else) by Dan Fogelberg. Landslide by Fleetwood Mac...Careless Whisper......Bridge over Troubled Water.....and it's not a sad feeling really.....just kind of mellow and reflective.
Some songs make me feel happy and energetic! "Let's Go Crazy" by Prince....."Walking on Sunshine" and Livin On a Prayer by JBJ......Bohemian Rhapsody.....Centerfold....Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go...….. and Don't Stop Believing…..Dancing Queen.....Born to be Wild....Hot-Hot-Hot! I just have to dance when I hear these songs!
Some songs take me to a specific time or place in my memory - The original Hill Songs (Shout To the Lord or Revival in Belfast) whisk me away to North Carolina.....as does "Vitamin C"
Petra's "Beat the System" and Sandi Patti's "Morning Like This" and Leslie Phillips "Dancing with Danger" all transport me to my senior year of high school and my first car, that 1976 Camero with faded silver paint and a cassette player!
Music really is the soundtrack of our lives - it touches us and transports us and transforms us every day.
Friends....kindred spirits...
I have been itching to write something for a few weeks now. I have all of these ideas bouncing around inside my noggin; I get greatly inspired by a line in a book I'm reading, or something that someone says at work, or by something a patient of mine has done, or something my husband says............and then I come and sit quietly in front of my computer to get it all down in black and white....... and it's like my thoughts and words turned into the fluffy white feathers of a dandelion held tightly in my fist and although I tried to carefully carry it, a big wind came and blew the feathers away and all I'm left with is a giant, ugly, bald brain with only one or two straggler thoughts that aren't even coherent when put together. And then I stare at the blank white word-canvas and think.....Huh. I have absolutely NOTHING of any value to say. And I walk away feeling let down and disappointed.
But this afternoon, I have been thinking and I ran up here to the computer to try to capture some of the thoughts before they elusively float away on the wind of consciousness...the wind blown by business, rush, and stress.
This evening, I am thinking about my friends. And I have been blessed with some of the most PRECIOUS, most amazing friends you can imagine.
Some of my friends go waaaaaay back....to second grade......to elementary school.....to awkward times on the playground playing kickball and four-square and jump rope and Barbie Dolls. You knew me when I had braids and freckles and buck-teeth like Laura Ingalls. You were the ones who shared my obsession with Donny Osmond. You were the ones who invited me to my first sleep-over party and even went to the bathroom with me because I was afraid to go by myself (after we ate birthday cake with Donny Osmond's face airbrushed on top!!) It was your Mom who came to pick me up at the school and taught me how to use a sanitary pad and belt (those were the days, huh?) and took me home to change my clothes and celebrated my "womanhood" with me when I got my period for the first time and I thought I was dying (because I was so young and clueless and had no idea THAT was going to happen to me!) You are the ones who laughed with me on the playground while we enjoyed our candy-sticks that we bought from the school store with our saved dimes. We watched "The Electric Company" together every morning and I can't even think of hearing "HEEEY YOU GUYYYYYS!" without seeing each of your faces.
Some of you lived at Battlewood Apartments when I did, and you are the ones who know that the "Battle" part of Battlewood was the battle of making ends meet. We lived in the projects....we got giant blocks of "Government Cheese" which tasted pretty much like Velveta and shame. We were the kids who had to go through the "free lunch" line in the junior high cafeteria....in case anyone didn't already know we were poor. We had those cold, institutional white tile floors that our moms tried to cover with area shag carpets and we got to wade through waist deep water every time we had a lot of rain because the entire complex would flood.
Some of you, I met in Junior High. Ahhhh, those complex, troubling, awkward years of change, self-discovery, and self-awareness. Back then, there were steep, concrete steps leading from the "horseshoe" in front of the school where the buses and cars picked up and dropped off students up to the front of the school. I fell on those stupid steps at least twice in the two years I was there.....causing bruises, bleeding, and much bodily harm....but mostly humiliation. I wasn't the only one..those steps claimed plenty of victims. Maybe that is why they tore them down. Those steps were almost symbolic of my junior high years.....a nemesis, something to be conquered, but still something that would leave marks on me for the rest of my life.
Middle school saw My first school dance, my first boyfriend, my first kiss.......my (short-lived) foray into athletics as a member of the gymnastics team, the volleyball team, and as manager of the basketball team. I tried out for cheerleading, which was a dismal fail that left me in tears for a week. I wanted desperately to be in the band, but being in the band cost money....money we didn't have..... for instruments, lessons, and uniforms. And I didn't have a ride to/from practice because I lived with my elderly grandparents by then, and they couldn't drive. So I joined the Art Club and I joined the Newspaper and I joined Bible Club.....because they all met during school hours. I had always been a straight-A student, so one day I was taken to a special class room and was given a battery of tests and was labeled "GIFTED" and got to go to a new class called "Independent Studies" that made me feel really smart. Until I took Algebra my 8th grade year.....and got my first ever (cue the dramatic music.....) C. I was devastated. And grounded all summer. I made some of my really solid, enduring friendships in junior high...and you all know who you are.
And some of you, I met in Highschool. Oh. My. Gosh. Highschool. Pimples, popularity, pubescent hormones....... insecurities and exaggerated sense of the importance of every faux paux. Who am I? What am I? What am I going to be? Going to Pizza Hut every Friday night after the football games, hanging out at Eastgate Mall, trying to dress like Madonna with lace gloves and lacy headbands and jean-jackets, acid-washed, high-waisted jeans.....having sleep overs where we made chocolate chip cookies and listened to record albums all night long, giggling and sharing secrets instead of sleeping. Feeling so grown-up because we watched Saturday Night Live and laughed at Gilda Radner's jokes. Getting our first jobs......getting our driver's licenses.....getting our hearts broken. The dreaded "dressing out" in PE, the slamming of lockers in the hall, the confetti on PepRally day as the band played and the cheerleaders cheered and we all clapped. Lunch periods spent in Mr. Leathers' science lab instead of the lunch room because in Mr. Leather's class, nerds were welcomed with open arms..it was a safe haven for me. Field-trips to Quiz Bowl and Science Bowl, Math Club, and Toss-up and Future Problem Solving Bowl.......those were the BEST times!! You haven't lived until you have spent 3 sleep-deprived, hillarious days living with a short bus full of highschool nerds. The Big-Bang Theory cast had NOTHING on our little gang of intellectual misfits. I always secretly wondered when they would figure out that I didn't really belong - I wasn't half as smart as the rest of the group (I didn't even take MATH my senior year, for goodness sakes!)...and I constantly lived in fear of being called out....but thankfully, it never happened. We would play Mad Libs, make up songs, and we even created a fan club for one of our teachers.....I was a proud founding member of the Carolyn Towns Fan-Club. High school faded into early adult hood with prom, class night, dating, senior play, and finally graduation...…..but friendships were forged that would last a lifetime.
I started nursing school, got married and had a baby - all in rapid succession the year after high school. It was so fast that my head was spinning. And then I graduated nursing school and had another baby and started my nursing career. Through those early years of my marriage, I didn't have any really close friends outside of my marriage. My husband was my best friend and that worked really well for me. Actually, he still IS my best friend. Even after all these years. I wasn't a hermit or anything.....I had some superficial friends at work and at school and at church.. folks we talked with, went out to dinner with and visited...but no BFF's that I could call in a time of crisis. We had pleasant friends that we would see at events and at the kid's school meetings and church, but mostly it was just me and my man and kiddos against the world.
Since then, I've had the privilege of working with some really, really great friends. Nursing attracts caring people to begin with and throughout the years I've gotten fairly close with many precious people. We would spent hours and hours of drudgery interspersed with minutes of sheer terror in the name of nursing and "saving lives" and that tends to promote a closeness that other professions don't necessarily share. We see patients at their most venerable and sensitive times- at times of diagnosis , at times of catastrophic illness....and times of life-changing accidents - and it tends to boil life down to what is important and lasting. Most of the nurses I've worked with would walk through fire to help each other out. I am so thankful for the front-row seat I've had to learn from some of the best of the best nurses out there.
Because nurses deal with some really heavy situations, we tend to find dark humor a very effective safety-valve to let off the steam that builds up over a 12 hour shift. I can't tell you the number of things I've inappropriately laughed about when I wanted to cry instead....but laughing was more acceptable in the moment. The laughter binds us together and helps us cope - and makes us stronger. So many, many memories of laughter and friends that I have laughed with over the years.
I've met and loved so many friends at church! God has a way of putting people in my path that encourage me, that lift me up, that inspire me.....friends who have bravely fought (and ultimately lost) the battle with cancer. I'm thinking of at least 3 precious ladies who touched my life more than they ever knew as they faced their fears and their illness with grace and hope and strength and peace. Their strength has been woven into the fabric of who I am just by knowing and loving them.
I've had other friends who were friends for a season ….a time of Bible study, a time of retreat, of renewing our faith and growing together. I've had other friends who were friends for a reason - they needed a babysitter or a sympathetic ear to just listen or sometimes even a shoulder to cry on. I've learned vicariously from their life lessons along the way and it has made me stronger and wiser.
Some of my friends were definitely given to me to challenge me and make me think. Some of my friends come from different faiths, different ethnic backgrounds, different socioeconomic levels, different denominations, different cultures, different mores, different beliefs, different political views, different ages, different genders, different orientations, different experiences, and out and out completely different mindsets. And that's GOOD! I'm so thankful for our differences! If we were all the same flavor - how boring that would be?!? I like to think of my life and friends like a calico quilt - the more colors and fabrics and textures that are woven in - the more beautiful and special and valuable the quilt becomes!
Funny how now - over half a century into my life - some of those very first friendships I ever forged are still some of the most important to me today. We still keep in touch - still check in from time to time. Still laugh and still cry together. Still love and learn from each other.
I am so very, very thankful for the myriad of "quilt pieces" that make up the patchwork quilt of my life so far! I have been blessed, so very blessed.
But this afternoon, I have been thinking and I ran up here to the computer to try to capture some of the thoughts before they elusively float away on the wind of consciousness...the wind blown by business, rush, and stress.
This evening, I am thinking about my friends. And I have been blessed with some of the most PRECIOUS, most amazing friends you can imagine.
Some of my friends go waaaaaay back....to second grade......to elementary school.....to awkward times on the playground playing kickball and four-square and jump rope and Barbie Dolls. You knew me when I had braids and freckles and buck-teeth like Laura Ingalls. You were the ones who shared my obsession with Donny Osmond. You were the ones who invited me to my first sleep-over party and even went to the bathroom with me because I was afraid to go by myself (after we ate birthday cake with Donny Osmond's face airbrushed on top!!) It was your Mom who came to pick me up at the school and taught me how to use a sanitary pad and belt (those were the days, huh?) and took me home to change my clothes and celebrated my "womanhood" with me when I got my period for the first time and I thought I was dying (because I was so young and clueless and had no idea THAT was going to happen to me!) You are the ones who laughed with me on the playground while we enjoyed our candy-sticks that we bought from the school store with our saved dimes. We watched "The Electric Company" together every morning and I can't even think of hearing "HEEEY YOU GUYYYYYS!" without seeing each of your faces.
Some of you lived at Battlewood Apartments when I did, and you are the ones who know that the "Battle" part of Battlewood was the battle of making ends meet. We lived in the projects....we got giant blocks of "Government Cheese" which tasted pretty much like Velveta and shame. We were the kids who had to go through the "free lunch" line in the junior high cafeteria....in case anyone didn't already know we were poor. We had those cold, institutional white tile floors that our moms tried to cover with area shag carpets and we got to wade through waist deep water every time we had a lot of rain because the entire complex would flood.
Some of you, I met in Junior High. Ahhhh, those complex, troubling, awkward years of change, self-discovery, and self-awareness. Back then, there were steep, concrete steps leading from the "horseshoe" in front of the school where the buses and cars picked up and dropped off students up to the front of the school. I fell on those stupid steps at least twice in the two years I was there.....causing bruises, bleeding, and much bodily harm....but mostly humiliation. I wasn't the only one..those steps claimed plenty of victims. Maybe that is why they tore them down. Those steps were almost symbolic of my junior high years.....a nemesis, something to be conquered, but still something that would leave marks on me for the rest of my life.
Middle school saw My first school dance, my first boyfriend, my first kiss.......my (short-lived) foray into athletics as a member of the gymnastics team, the volleyball team, and as manager of the basketball team. I tried out for cheerleading, which was a dismal fail that left me in tears for a week. I wanted desperately to be in the band, but being in the band cost money....money we didn't have..... for instruments, lessons, and uniforms. And I didn't have a ride to/from practice because I lived with my elderly grandparents by then, and they couldn't drive. So I joined the Art Club and I joined the Newspaper and I joined Bible Club.....because they all met during school hours. I had always been a straight-A student, so one day I was taken to a special class room and was given a battery of tests and was labeled "GIFTED" and got to go to a new class called "Independent Studies" that made me feel really smart. Until I took Algebra my 8th grade year.....and got my first ever (cue the dramatic music.....) C. I was devastated. And grounded all summer. I made some of my really solid, enduring friendships in junior high...and you all know who you are.
And some of you, I met in Highschool. Oh. My. Gosh. Highschool. Pimples, popularity, pubescent hormones....... insecurities and exaggerated sense of the importance of every faux paux. Who am I? What am I? What am I going to be? Going to Pizza Hut every Friday night after the football games, hanging out at Eastgate Mall, trying to dress like Madonna with lace gloves and lacy headbands and jean-jackets, acid-washed, high-waisted jeans.....having sleep overs where we made chocolate chip cookies and listened to record albums all night long, giggling and sharing secrets instead of sleeping. Feeling so grown-up because we watched Saturday Night Live and laughed at Gilda Radner's jokes. Getting our first jobs......getting our driver's licenses.....getting our hearts broken. The dreaded "dressing out" in PE, the slamming of lockers in the hall, the confetti on PepRally day as the band played and the cheerleaders cheered and we all clapped. Lunch periods spent in Mr. Leathers' science lab instead of the lunch room because in Mr. Leather's class, nerds were welcomed with open arms..it was a safe haven for me. Field-trips to Quiz Bowl and Science Bowl, Math Club, and Toss-up and Future Problem Solving Bowl.......those were the BEST times!! You haven't lived until you have spent 3 sleep-deprived, hillarious days living with a short bus full of highschool nerds. The Big-Bang Theory cast had NOTHING on our little gang of intellectual misfits. I always secretly wondered when they would figure out that I didn't really belong - I wasn't half as smart as the rest of the group (I didn't even take MATH my senior year, for goodness sakes!)...and I constantly lived in fear of being called out....but thankfully, it never happened. We would play Mad Libs, make up songs, and we even created a fan club for one of our teachers.....I was a proud founding member of the Carolyn Towns Fan-Club. High school faded into early adult hood with prom, class night, dating, senior play, and finally graduation...…..but friendships were forged that would last a lifetime.
I started nursing school, got married and had a baby - all in rapid succession the year after high school. It was so fast that my head was spinning. And then I graduated nursing school and had another baby and started my nursing career. Through those early years of my marriage, I didn't have any really close friends outside of my marriage. My husband was my best friend and that worked really well for me. Actually, he still IS my best friend. Even after all these years. I wasn't a hermit or anything.....I had some superficial friends at work and at school and at church.. folks we talked with, went out to dinner with and visited...but no BFF's that I could call in a time of crisis. We had pleasant friends that we would see at events and at the kid's school meetings and church, but mostly it was just me and my man and kiddos against the world.
Since then, I've had the privilege of working with some really, really great friends. Nursing attracts caring people to begin with and throughout the years I've gotten fairly close with many precious people. We would spent hours and hours of drudgery interspersed with minutes of sheer terror in the name of nursing and "saving lives" and that tends to promote a closeness that other professions don't necessarily share. We see patients at their most venerable and sensitive times- at times of diagnosis , at times of catastrophic illness....and times of life-changing accidents - and it tends to boil life down to what is important and lasting. Most of the nurses I've worked with would walk through fire to help each other out. I am so thankful for the front-row seat I've had to learn from some of the best of the best nurses out there.
Because nurses deal with some really heavy situations, we tend to find dark humor a very effective safety-valve to let off the steam that builds up over a 12 hour shift. I can't tell you the number of things I've inappropriately laughed about when I wanted to cry instead....but laughing was more acceptable in the moment. The laughter binds us together and helps us cope - and makes us stronger. So many, many memories of laughter and friends that I have laughed with over the years.
I've met and loved so many friends at church! God has a way of putting people in my path that encourage me, that lift me up, that inspire me.....friends who have bravely fought (and ultimately lost) the battle with cancer. I'm thinking of at least 3 precious ladies who touched my life more than they ever knew as they faced their fears and their illness with grace and hope and strength and peace. Their strength has been woven into the fabric of who I am just by knowing and loving them.
I've had other friends who were friends for a season ….a time of Bible study, a time of retreat, of renewing our faith and growing together. I've had other friends who were friends for a reason - they needed a babysitter or a sympathetic ear to just listen or sometimes even a shoulder to cry on. I've learned vicariously from their life lessons along the way and it has made me stronger and wiser.
Some of my friends were definitely given to me to challenge me and make me think. Some of my friends come from different faiths, different ethnic backgrounds, different socioeconomic levels, different denominations, different cultures, different mores, different beliefs, different political views, different ages, different genders, different orientations, different experiences, and out and out completely different mindsets. And that's GOOD! I'm so thankful for our differences! If we were all the same flavor - how boring that would be?!? I like to think of my life and friends like a calico quilt - the more colors and fabrics and textures that are woven in - the more beautiful and special and valuable the quilt becomes!
Funny how now - over half a century into my life - some of those very first friendships I ever forged are still some of the most important to me today. We still keep in touch - still check in from time to time. Still laugh and still cry together. Still love and learn from each other.
I am so very, very thankful for the myriad of "quilt pieces" that make up the patchwork quilt of my life so far! I have been blessed, so very blessed.
I"m a hoarder.
Pretty sure I'm a hoarder. Not the kind like on TV who is buried underneath years and years of old news papers and old empty butter bowls...….well, at least not yet.
I read all the research on how clutter leads to and feeds anxiety. And I thought...hmmmm. I sure do have a LOT of clutter, maybe THAT'S why I feel so anxious? So I read up on how to cull through my belongings and make piles "Donate" "Keep" and "Trash" and how to look at and hold each object to see if it "brings me joy" and I read about which is the best charity to donate to and I read about the joys and benefits of recycling and I was IN. I was ALL. IN.
So I opened my first cabinet to start culling. I figured I'd just rip off the band-aid and dig right in -so I pulled everything out of that cabinet and stacked it all up on my counter top so that I could really see what was in there and objectively figure out how much of a "JOY" score to assign to each piece.
The first things I put back into the cabinet were those things that have significant sentimental attachment for me. Things that remind me of a special person, a specials time, a special place or feeling.....taking the time to hold each object and remember the circumstances and memories associated with each one.....outright laughing at some of the memories, smiling at others....and shedding a few tears over a few as well.
Remembering each person involved- one item was a gift from a friend that captured her personality perfectly and it makes me smile and think of her every time I see it. we were once bosom friends and very close - but we both moved to different states and time went by and we grew apart......but every time I remember her, my heart is warmed by our memories and I miss her. Can't get rid of that. It means too much. Back in the cabinet it goes!
Next item - OH! We bought this on a fantastic trip! I remember those sun-drenched golden afternoons and the way the air felt and the laughter and remember the thrill of exploring a new place and seeing new things! This item embodies the very essence of that amazing vacation!! Gotta keep that. Back in the cabinet it goes!
This next thing is OLD. I'm talking - I had it when I was in junior-high old. It belonged to a different me....a me who was unsure of the future and yet hopeful that I could be whatever I wanted to be. It belonged to the me who sang into hairbrushes and wooden spoons with all the grace and style a pre-teen can project! It belonged to the me who was still becoming - who was still figuring out who I was.....the young, innocent me. She's still in here somewhere, I'm pretty sure? Maybe? I'd better keep this. We have such a history...maybe I'll just put it in the very back of the cabinet.
Next item - Heart melts. It's from when the kids were little. Like, little bitty (they are both adults now and long flown from the nest); holding this makes my tear up a little - remembering the tiny, fun little people they used to be...maybe even mourning a little for the mom I used to be; that part of me has been lost to the passing of time but sometimes I miss her. I miss the kids too. I stand there holding my object thinking about those long days of tying shoes, cooking dinner, chasing down homework, stepping on Legos and Barbie Shoes.....remembering mostly the good parts, forgiving the not so good and wistfully wondering how so much time could pass in such a flash. This thing isn't going anywhere except back in my cabinet!
The next item belonged to my Grandmother. My precious, sweet Mamaw. Her hands used to hold this just like mine are now. OH to feel the warmth of those hands on my face again. If only I could look into her eyes one more time and tell her how much I love her!! But I can't....and holding something she once held is as close as I can get.....so obviously I will never part with this. It was hers and now it's mine. It's precious....a link to her love. And I'm keeping it. Forever.
The next thing? Oh goodness! I got this at my bridal shower! When our love was new and shiny and scary and hopeful! So hopeful! We've used this through the years and it represents how far we've come. How much our love has grown since those early days of uncertainty and naivety. Our love was so exciting and thrilling then.....and it's so much deeper and richer now - but the memory of those days is the foundation for our life together now - so there is no way I can get rid of this!! We've had it for > 30 years now! It's a keeper. Back into the cabinet.
This next thing? Well, it's new - but so fancy! So delicate! So NICE. I was so proud when I found it at such a good price and brought it home! It's pretty and it's useful - so I will keep it in the front of the cabinet so we can use it all the time.
And this one - it's sooo cute! It makes me giggle. It's funny and fun and whimsical. And I need some whimsy in my life. This is good for the gray and gloomy days when my heart is low and my mood needs a lift! This will make me feel sooo much happier. Maybe it needs to be up front too - surely it will fit on that shelf!
This next thing isn't so much new, or even very pretty - but it's very sturdy and very serviceable. It works and gets the job done. It's one of my go-tos because it's reliable. It's good. It works. It would be extremely foolish to do away with something that useful. Back in there it goes!
And so I continue - until every blasted thing is back in that dumb cabinet and my "donate" pile is nonexistent and my trash pile contains only an empty gum wrapper and a bent paperclip I found in the back of the cabinet (and even the gum wrapper has some sentimental value if I dig deep enough! but even I'm not that crazy) Haha!
So. This is how it will end for me. I have seen the future and it's not pretty. I will eventually be buried somewhere inside my house under a pile of sentimental and useful old stuff that I can't bear to part with. But I will be happy with my sweet memories and silly stuff......so I'm keeping it all. It all brings me JOY and makes me HAPPY. Maybe it feeds my anxiety?? But the thought of parting with my most prized worldly possessions makes me more anxious - so I'll just deal with it. Hahaha!
Hello. My name is Amanda. I'm a hoarder.
I read all the research on how clutter leads to and feeds anxiety. And I thought...hmmmm. I sure do have a LOT of clutter, maybe THAT'S why I feel so anxious? So I read up on how to cull through my belongings and make piles "Donate" "Keep" and "Trash" and how to look at and hold each object to see if it "brings me joy" and I read about which is the best charity to donate to and I read about the joys and benefits of recycling and I was IN. I was ALL. IN.
So I opened my first cabinet to start culling. I figured I'd just rip off the band-aid and dig right in -so I pulled everything out of that cabinet and stacked it all up on my counter top so that I could really see what was in there and objectively figure out how much of a "JOY" score to assign to each piece.
The first things I put back into the cabinet were those things that have significant sentimental attachment for me. Things that remind me of a special person, a specials time, a special place or feeling.....taking the time to hold each object and remember the circumstances and memories associated with each one.....outright laughing at some of the memories, smiling at others....and shedding a few tears over a few as well.
Remembering each person involved- one item was a gift from a friend that captured her personality perfectly and it makes me smile and think of her every time I see it. we were once bosom friends and very close - but we both moved to different states and time went by and we grew apart......but every time I remember her, my heart is warmed by our memories and I miss her. Can't get rid of that. It means too much. Back in the cabinet it goes!
Next item - OH! We bought this on a fantastic trip! I remember those sun-drenched golden afternoons and the way the air felt and the laughter and remember the thrill of exploring a new place and seeing new things! This item embodies the very essence of that amazing vacation!! Gotta keep that. Back in the cabinet it goes!
This next thing is OLD. I'm talking - I had it when I was in junior-high old. It belonged to a different me....a me who was unsure of the future and yet hopeful that I could be whatever I wanted to be. It belonged to the me who sang into hairbrushes and wooden spoons with all the grace and style a pre-teen can project! It belonged to the me who was still becoming - who was still figuring out who I was.....the young, innocent me. She's still in here somewhere, I'm pretty sure? Maybe? I'd better keep this. We have such a history...maybe I'll just put it in the very back of the cabinet.
Next item - Heart melts. It's from when the kids were little. Like, little bitty (they are both adults now and long flown from the nest); holding this makes my tear up a little - remembering the tiny, fun little people they used to be...maybe even mourning a little for the mom I used to be; that part of me has been lost to the passing of time but sometimes I miss her. I miss the kids too. I stand there holding my object thinking about those long days of tying shoes, cooking dinner, chasing down homework, stepping on Legos and Barbie Shoes.....remembering mostly the good parts, forgiving the not so good and wistfully wondering how so much time could pass in such a flash. This thing isn't going anywhere except back in my cabinet!
The next item belonged to my Grandmother. My precious, sweet Mamaw. Her hands used to hold this just like mine are now. OH to feel the warmth of those hands on my face again. If only I could look into her eyes one more time and tell her how much I love her!! But I can't....and holding something she once held is as close as I can get.....so obviously I will never part with this. It was hers and now it's mine. It's precious....a link to her love. And I'm keeping it. Forever.
The next thing? Oh goodness! I got this at my bridal shower! When our love was new and shiny and scary and hopeful! So hopeful! We've used this through the years and it represents how far we've come. How much our love has grown since those early days of uncertainty and naivety. Our love was so exciting and thrilling then.....and it's so much deeper and richer now - but the memory of those days is the foundation for our life together now - so there is no way I can get rid of this!! We've had it for > 30 years now! It's a keeper. Back into the cabinet.
This next thing? Well, it's new - but so fancy! So delicate! So NICE. I was so proud when I found it at such a good price and brought it home! It's pretty and it's useful - so I will keep it in the front of the cabinet so we can use it all the time.
And this one - it's sooo cute! It makes me giggle. It's funny and fun and whimsical. And I need some whimsy in my life. This is good for the gray and gloomy days when my heart is low and my mood needs a lift! This will make me feel sooo much happier. Maybe it needs to be up front too - surely it will fit on that shelf!
This next thing isn't so much new, or even very pretty - but it's very sturdy and very serviceable. It works and gets the job done. It's one of my go-tos because it's reliable. It's good. It works. It would be extremely foolish to do away with something that useful. Back in there it goes!
And so I continue - until every blasted thing is back in that dumb cabinet and my "donate" pile is nonexistent and my trash pile contains only an empty gum wrapper and a bent paperclip I found in the back of the cabinet (and even the gum wrapper has some sentimental value if I dig deep enough! but even I'm not that crazy) Haha!
So. This is how it will end for me. I have seen the future and it's not pretty. I will eventually be buried somewhere inside my house under a pile of sentimental and useful old stuff that I can't bear to part with. But I will be happy with my sweet memories and silly stuff......so I'm keeping it all. It all brings me JOY and makes me HAPPY. Maybe it feeds my anxiety?? But the thought of parting with my most prized worldly possessions makes me more anxious - so I'll just deal with it. Hahaha!
Hello. My name is Amanda. I'm a hoarder.
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