Things my Children have Banned me from doing EVER again in Public

A List of A Few of the Things I’m Never Again Allowed To Do In Public (According to My Loving Children):

1. Sing/do the motions for the song  ‘YMCA’ (ESPECIALLY not while on rollerskates)
2. Say, “Fo Shizzle” (or anything ending in –izzle, for that matter)
3. Ever again refer to the police as “The Fuzz” or “The Po-Po”
4. Interpretative Dances with Scarves
5. Mime of ANY sort
6. The Chicken Dance
7. Sing “The Apple Bottom Jeans and The Boots With The Fur” (specifically the part where I “turn around and give my big booty a slap”)
8. Wear my blue velveteen short-shorts with the word “Bootylicious” airbrushed proudly across the buttocks in red and gold glitter paint
9. Refer to my friends/family as “my posse”, “my homegirls”, “my hommies”, “my entourage”, “my home-fries” or  “my peeps”
10. Sing the National Anthem
11.  Sing the song “Goin Quackers” by Donald Duck
12. Do impersonations of Donald Duck (see #11)
13. Sing the theme song to ‘The Donny and Marie Show’
14. Tell anyone that I used to dream of being a “Solid Gold” dancer
15. Sing the theme song to “Fame” (or do the dance I made up to go along with it)
16. Yodel.
17. Sing the song about the Plastic Jesus on the dashboard of my car…..
18. Sing the song about farting at an interview
19. Sing the song “Let’s Talk Dirty to the Animals” by Gilda Radner
20. Sing the song “Good-bye Saccharine” by Gilda Radner (basically, repeating anything ever said/sung by Gilda has been banned)
21. Doing any of the Spartan Cheerleader cheers from SNL
22. Pretending to be a “Wild-and-Crazy-Gal”  AKA Steve Martin
23. Disco dancing of ANY type
24. Dancing of any type
25. Say the phrase, “Getting down wid yore bad self!” 
26. Tell Holocaust jokes (ANNE FRANKly, I don’t think this one is fair!)
27. Use onomatopoeia
28. Over-use similes and metaphors…(as they grate on their nerves like fingers on a chalkboard)
29. Correct stranger’s grammar in public
30. Speak in my fake British accent about a “spot-o-tea”
31. Speak in my Spanish accent because I sound like the Frito Bandito on Quaaludes
32. Use the word “nary” more than once in any conversation
33. Use the term “Paper Mache”
34. Refer to my breasts as “Tha Girls” or “Bodacious Ta-tas”
35. Put money, food or anything in my bra for safe-keeping
36. Wear leg-warmers or slouch socks
37. Tell “What’s worse than a dead baby” jokes
38. Make lists of all the words you can substitute for “butt” (there are just SO MANY!!!)
39. Make lists of all the words you can substitute for “vagina” (see #38)
40. Make lists of all the words you can substitute for “pee-pee” (see #38)
41. Make lists of all the words you can substitute for “poop” (see #38)
42. Quote the movie “Grease” or “Grease II”
43. Quote the poem from SE Hinton’s “The Outsiders” about “stay green, Ponyboy”
44. Refer to myself as “Ma Joad” from John Steinbeck’s “The Grapes of Wrath”
45. Call my husband “Daddy” in public (* to be fair, he’s not allowed to call me “Mommy” either).
46. Say the phrase “Kon-nee-chee-waaah, Y’all!”  whilst waving like a fool.
47. Ring someone’s doorbell and say, “Trick-or-treat, smell my feet!”
48. Ring someone’s doorbell and say, “Avon Calling!”
49. Refer to a big slab of steak in a restaurant as a “Fred Flintstone Piece of meat!”
50. Refer to feminine hygiene products verbally.  EVER. Not even if they have wings and four-wall protection.
51. Pretend to be June from “Smoke on the Mountain”
52. Engage in sign language conversations
53. Sing, “Voulez vous coucher avec moi?” by Sister Marmalade in a suggestive manner whilst wiggling my eyebrows
54. Call anyone a “ho”
55. Pretend to be a Spice Girl (I wanted to be Old Spice!)
56. Sing ANY Brittany Spears song. EVER.
57. Wear gloves on my feet and pretend to be a chicken
58. Play Dungeons and Dragons with their friends (I’m a half-elf with grey eyes and a cloak of invisibility!)
59. Argue publicly that Jean Luq Piccard was a MUCH better Star Trek captain than Kirk ever thought about being.
60. Sing the Ballad of Serenity or repeat any sacred quote from “FireFly”
61. Quote Monty Python
62. Sing songs about the Spanish Inquisition (NOBODY expects it!)
63. Say “Hello, My name is Inigo Montoya; you killed my father. Prepare to die.”  (Apparently, that’s somewhat off-putting.)
64. Pretend to be Fat Albert “Hey-hey-hey!”
65. Quote Captain Kangaroo
66. Say the phrase “Zoinkies!”
67. Refer to my lady parts as “lady parts”
68. Wear a bandanna on my head
69. Give unsolicited medical advice in public
70. Put funnels in my shirt and pretend I’m Madonna
71. Quote “Family Guy”
72. Say the phrase “That’s What She Said.”
73. Say the phrase “Nee-ner-Nee-ner”
74. Quote Pee-Wee Herman (especially “I know you are, but what am I?”
75. Do the Pee-Wee-Herman Tequila dance
76. Do the Hand-Jive
77. Sing about “Miss Lucy” or her steamboat OR it’s bell.
78. Mix my metaphors
79. Call the nice dining room “The Fancy-Eatin-Place”
80. Drink tea with my pinkie sticking out (see #30)
81. Use the words “Hiss-ousse” or “Hissie” when referring to my abode
82. Say the phrase “Elvis Has Left The Building.”
83. Say the phrase “The Eagle Has Landed.”
84. Make mention of the size of my poop (whether in centimeters, inches or just showing with my hands….as it “It was THIS long!”)
85. Refer to my daughter’s monthly cycle as “Aunt Flo”
86. Refer to my brassiere as “An-Over-The-Shoulder-Boulder-Holder”
87. Refer to my brassiere. At all.
88. Refer to cloggers in the mall as “Bug-Stompers”
89. Post a status on Facebook after consuming alcohol.  (that one is actually pretty smart)
90. Say the phrase, “Hey, Y’all!!! Watch This!”
91. Say the phrase “Jeet yet?”
92. Call “Maple Nut Goodie” candy “Roach-bug Candy”
93. Play chop-sticks on a piano
94. Play the nose-harp
95. Belch the alphabet
96. Make lists of all the words that can be substituted for the word “fart”
97. Make lists of all the words that can be substituted for “boobies”
98. Talk about “stickin it to ‘the man’”
99. Pretend to be Prissy from ‘Gone With the Wind”
100. Recite poetry.
101. Play the game ‘I’m going on a trip and I’m taking…….”
102. Play the game “I spy with my little eye……”
103. Begin any story with the phrase, “When I was a young whippersnapper….”
104. Say the phrase “Knee-high-to-a-grasshopper”
105. Overuse the phrase “Wait for it……Wait for it…..”
106. Saying “And what-not” after almost everything I say.
107. Saying “Like people do…..”
108. Saying “Nemesis, Nemesis, Nemesis!” (it’s kindda like saying Bettlejuice 3 times?? But nerdier).
109. Putting peanut-butter on my chicken
110. Saying “Catterwallin”
111. Saying “Sky-larkin”
112. Singing the song, “Afternoon Delight”
113. Showing ANY public displays of affection towards my husband
114. Saying the phrase “Hot-Monkey-Lovin”
115. Any activity involving public nudity
116. Tucking my napkin into my collar at the table at a restaurant
117. Singing “A Trio of Sightless Rodents” (the nerdy version of the song “Three Blind Mice”)
118. Talking about Freudian Slips
119. Saying the phrase “Paint the Town Red!”
120. “Hootenanny”
121. Asking servers at Cracker Barrel if they call it “Brupper” when they serve pancakes and eggs during supper time (breakfast + supper = Brupper!?)
122. Singing the song “Turkey in the Straw”
123. Saying “I am not a crook!” while pretending to be Richard M. Nixon
124. Wearing Billy-Bob Teeth at Walmart
125. Singing the song “The Body Electric”
126. Singing the “Brush-your-teeth” song
127. Quoting Barney and Baby Bop
128. Singing the “F is for Friends” song from Sponge Bob
129. Singing songs from “The Electric Company’
130. No songs with ‘scat’ or ‘doo-bops’
131. No doing the Shower-Sprinkler dance
132. Looking up ANYTHING on www.urbandictionary.com
133. Saying “LOL” instead of actually laughing
134. Using the phrase “So hard” after a sentence.  (as in…”I miss you so hard!” or “I hate her so hard right now.”)
135. Eating Krystal hamburgers on a long car trip
136. Adding ‘-apoloosa” to the end of a word (such as “Alyssa-paloosa” to describe a conversation that’s all about Alyssa)
137. Singing any Prince song.
138. Saying “Llama Dolly” instead of “Dolly Lamma”
139. Ever referring to myself as “emo”
140. Saying “cool wHip” with the emphasis on the “H” like Stewie Griffin
141. Singing “We’re Not Gonna Take it!” 80’s style
142. The Macarena
143. Grabbing my crotch like Michael Jackson while moon walking
144. Making lists of what I would ACTUALLY do for a Klondike bar
145. Talking about how one might contract the made-up STD  “Gonna-syphilla-Herpa-aids” if one is promiscuous
146. Referring to myself as a ‘Hoodrat’
147. Saying “Nacho Cheese, es MY cheese!” (as in “not your cheese”)
148. Saying the phrase “I see what you did there…..”
149. Giggling and saying, “You said…____”  after everything someone says.
150. Saying “Tee-Hee” instead of just laughing.
151. Telling people that my Crack-Whore name is Bambi.
152. Saying I’m going to ‘Tarzjaaay” like it’s a fancy French store instead of Target.
153. Calling Walmart “Wally-World” instead of Walmart
154. Insisting that people call me “Genevieve”
155. Saying “Na-Noo-Na-Noo” like Mork (from Mork and Mindy)
156. Drinking pineapple juice out of a sterile urine specimen cup just to gross everybody out
157. Throwing up gang-signs
158. Making the “duck-face” for photographs
159. Saying the word “gubernaculum” over and over again because I think it’s a funny word.
160. Doing the Hammer-time “Can’t Touch This” dance
161. Quote "Sixteen Candles" ("Say hello to my Sexy Girlfriend!" and "Auto-mo-bile" especially)
162. Use the phrase 'knocking boots' (or essentially any other euphemism for sex)
163. Ride the little kiddie merry-go-round or horsey outside K-Mart

Who's the Turkey????

I was in charge of cooking the giant 25 pound turkey for our office Thanksgiving dinner.  Our boss bought this giant behemoth of a frozen buzzard carcass over for me to prepare and I was so excited!  What a perfect occasion for showcasing my culinary skills! I rapturously envisioned me in my Donna Reed apron and with my heels and pearls and my perfectly coiffed hair and my dazzling smile.....serving up slabs of succulent, moist golden brown turkey along side steaming dishes of sweet potatoes and greenbean cassarole whilst we all nod merrily and smile appreciatively....our mouths too full of delicious food to even speak.  The radiant glow of perfection so blindingly perfect that Normal Rockwell himself calls us up..... and he begs to paint our company portrait!!  O, the grandeur of it all!!!

My first task was defrosting the giant bird.  It took up an entire shelf in my fridge.  After 2 days, it was still pretty much a frozen lump of birdish-ice. I lugged it out of the fridge and into a bath in the sink.  Alton Brown says to leave the water on at a slow trickle.....that's the trick to quick thawing, his smiling and all-knowing face assures me from the screen of "Good Eats!"  So, into the sink with a slow trickle. For 4 hours.  The sound of the running water made me have to go pee at least 10 times.  After I figured the bird was thawed sufficiently, I completed his bath by rubbing vigorously under each wing.....you know, I don't want to eat any turkey with stinky pits.  No dirtie-birdies for us!!

Then came the FUN part.  I had to stick my hand up that turkey's bum in an attempt to yank out the gibblets and the neck that they had somehow thought to ram up there. Now....that got me to thinking.  Talk about adding insult to injury!!! Poor bird!!! Not only is he brutally slaughtered....the final indignity is that after they chop his head off and rip out his entrails, they wrap up some of his own innards (including his heart and liver) and then they ram 'em right back up his bum and then pop his severed neck up in there............. like some kind of sick biological cork!!!  Anyway.  Maybe I think too much.

So.....I'm completely grossed out by the thought of sticking my entire hand up inside this gargantuan turkey carcass......but there I am....forearm deep....fishing around for the elusive bag of guts.....and I finally find them.....and they are adhered to the side of the turkey.  With superglue.  And duct tape. And razor wire.  And 10 inch spikes.  Okay.  So, maybe they were just slick frozen to the inside of that turkey....but all I know is that no ammount of trickling water would pry them free.  I stuck a giant spoon down in there to try to scoop them out.  Then I stuck a sharp knife in there (in a blind cavity...I know, SMART, right???)  Luckily, I realized I was more in danger of losing my own digits to the turkey cavity than I was of dislodging the gizzards.  So I just let him soak a bit longer and then we had Turkey-Wrestle-Mania Part II.  When those gizzards finally broke free and I was able to pull the bloody oozing packet out of that dead turkey.....I let out a blood-curdling scream of victory and held my trophy high up over my head as a symbol of triumph!!!!!!  And then I realized that my soggy, bloody trophy was dripping turkey blood down my arm and I actually threw up a little bit in my mouth and the gizzard/gibblett packet went flying into the trashcan where it belonged. 

Now, there are women....women with MUCH stronger stomachs that I, mind you....who take those gibblets and gizzards and hearts and livers and slice and dice and mince those organs and stir them into a gravy.  Not this gal.  My gravy was conspicuously gibblet-less.  On purpose.

While my turkey was soaking in the sink-bath.....I mixed up a bath of Alton Brown's turkey brine!  Kosher salt, brown sugar, ginger, allspice, peppercorns, vegetable stock.....all simmerered on the stove until all the solids dissolve....then mixed with ice water!  This part of the recipe went just as expected.  And Oh!!!!!!!! It smelled magical simmering on the stove and all was magical and rosey and my illusions of grandeur remained un-shattered...well, perhaps shaken a bit by the gibblet-grabbing, but un-shattered.

Then....I had to find something large enough to hold the bird and the brine.  No bowl, no bucket we owned was large enough.  I had to empty out the giant cooler on the back porch and we put the bird in the brine in there for a long winter's nap.  That bird was so heavy, I didn't even have to weight him down!! He sunk right to the bottom!!  I poured the brine in and iced it up good....and it looked nothing less than putrid and disgusting!  Even Steve came out and looked at my brining bird and said, "That water looks bloody!"  It wasn't.  It was just a combination of the broth and the brown-sugar and peppercorns and spices.....but it really did look like we were stashing severed body parts on our back porch.  It was almost funny.  Almost.   I left the turkey to brine for 24 hours. 

The day I had to cook the turkey.......I ended up working about 16 hours.  I was so tired that I could barely move.  That evening, I went out to check on the turkey and lo and behold.....all the ice in the brine was still frozen solid and stuck to the outside of my turkey!!!  Now....I have mentioned that the turkey is HUGE and very HEAVY.  I tried to figure out a way to get the turkey out of the cooler and into my kitchen.  I finally decided I was going to have to load it up on the broiler pan and pray for the best.  20 minutes and 2 frozen hands later....I managed to fish the bird out of the brine and get him onto the broiler pan and chip away some of the ice. I half carried, half lugged and almost drug the turkey inside to the kitchen sink, where I hoisted it back into the sink for a rinse.  I got him finally cleaned up again and patted dry with paper towels and got him situated on the broiler pan. 

I stuffed his cavity with what Alton Brown calls "The Aromatics"......which is just a fancy way to say the stuff that's gonna give him some flavoring from the inside out whilst he cooks.  I chopped up a pear (Alton's recipe called for an apple, but I'd used the last of my apple in my Rachael Ray Stuffing recipe), an onion, a few sprigs of fresh rosemary that I chopped off my bush outside.....some cinnamon and other spices and I just crammed that bird full of  "The Aromatics." 

Then came the FUN part!  I got some butter in a bowl and I washed my hands good and then like a gleeful child....I dug my hands into that butter and squeezed it all around my hands and fingers and then I began massaging my turkey all over with butter!  About half way through my very thorough massage, I started to imagine that this is what my masseuse at Massage Envy must feel like every month when I got in for my massage!!  Which kindda took away the glee for a minute....but then I pushed that image out of my mind and reminded myself that I was finger painting with BUTTER!!!! And I mentally thumbed my nose at Paula Dean and laughed maniacally...and the glee and joy was back!   Every square centimeter of my bird got the butter treatment.  Then I spent 30 minutes trying to wash the butter off my hands. 

I made a foil tent for my bird.  A foil tent is a tricky thing.  You want it to tent over the bird, but not necessarily touch the bird......you want it to be tight enough to stay on and provide protection from burning...but not so tight as to cause uneven browning.  I experimented and rearranged my foil about 10 times until I was just SURE it was perfectly tented....and then I tried to lift the turkey...full of "The Aromatics" and with tent in place into my preheated oven.  I couldn't lift it!!!  That thing weighed a million pounds!!!!  By this time, I have worn myself out with all the gleeful butter-rubbing and tinfoil tenting and cooking dinner for my husband and making a double batch of stuffing and a cheesecake for tomorrow's lunch....and just about every single dish in my entire kitchen was dirty and piled up on the counter....and I was just exhausted.  So I called my husband in to put the turkey in the oven. 

And then I went online to research how long my turkey needed to cook.  Well....it just depends.  Most every website said, "Until the internal temperature is at least 160 degrees."  Well, HOW the heck long is THAT???? Turns out....it's exactly 8 hours.  From 8pm that night until about 5am the next morning....I had to tend my turkey......all the while I was praying it didn't over-cook and dry-up while I was sleeping.  Let me tell you.....you sure do tend to have crazy dreams while you're cooking turkey.  I don't know if it's the L-Trytophan that becomes airborne and invades your brain cells or what.  But I sure did have some Lu-Lu dreams.  Have you ever dreamed a very vivid dream that you did something heinous during your dream......only to wake up feeling VERY guilty and very irritable?  Yeah.  I'm blaming the turkey. 

Anyway......I got the turkey baked by morning.  I had already planned on working from home a while and then going into the office just before the lunch so that everything would still be hot when we ate our lunch.  I didn't even put the stuffing in to bake until 8:30am.  It turned out just fine.  While I was working on the couch, my cheesecake was cooled in the fridge and my stuffing was baking...then I made the turkey gravy.

My turkey gravy was made with pan drippings....but NO gibblets.  I mixed my flour and made my roux and then whisked like my life depended on it.  My gravy thickened....with only a few lumps!  I whisked and whisked...but finally ended up using a strainer to get the lumpy bits out.  The gravy was golden brown and delicious!  Whew!!!  I had a pretty cheesecake, a nice double batch of stuffing and about a half gallon of golden turkey gravy!  Now....for the main event!!  I took the turkey from the broiler pan and put him on the serving platter.  He just barely fit....wings hanging over each side. Even all baked up, he was still one magnificently huge bird!!  He was slippery!!! But he made the trip from the broiler pan to the platter without mishap.  WHEW!!!  Another step under my belt!  Almost down the homestretch!!!  I covered my bird with tinfoil (with careful tenting so as not to mar his beautifully golden tan skin!) to keep him warm. 

I ran back into my bedroom to put on my hose, pants and heels.....and I decided to dress up a bit in honor of our special dinner and Thanksgiving...so I chose a black shirt and a black and maroon silk floral jacket with tiny bead work on the front.  I did my make-up and felt kindda pretty for a change!  I came back in to load up the truck and head on out to work.  First out, my cheesecake.....carefully balanced....tented foil again, to avoid all the cherries sticking to the foil and taking away from the aesthetic beauty of my culinary creation!! 

And then I decided I'd take the turkey next.....get him situated next because he was so big.....so I picked up the platter....and turned around and SWOOSH....about a gallon of hot-turkey drippings gushed out of the bottom of my tinfoil tented platter and into my pants, shoes, all down my jacket, my hose...and all over my hardwood floors and splatters went up my walls, my fridge, my oven doors, the pantry..........and I just froze for a minute....then I realized that the drippings were HOT...so I tried to kick my shoes off.....and my foot slipped (in my greased up stockings now....) and my legs flew out from under me....the turkey flew up in the air.....but luckily, I was able to catch it on the way down, saving it from the floor and sure ruin.......and the only damage the turkey sustained was that when I caught him, the skin on the top.....the beautiful golden tan skin that I'd buttered, massaged, tented and babied so much...ripped right back.....like a big ugly sore. 

I landed on my right hip in the middle of a giant grease puddle.  I slid around a few times trying to get up without dropping my turkey and I finally managed to get on all fours and get over to the counter, where I could sort of pull myself up to survey the damage.  I cannot begin to describe to you the scene.  Turkey grease dripping from almost every visible surface.....pooling and congealing on the floor.  My pants, silk jacket and shirt were soaked.  My shoes were full.  My toes were squishing around in my greasy pantyhose.  Everything RUINED.  In the back of my mind, I promise you I heard a sound like when the game is over in Pac-Man.  I peeled off my hot, greasy, wet pants, hose, shirt, jacket and just left them in a pile.  I ran out to the garage (in my underwear, no less!) and grabbed a mop and 2 rolls of paper towels.  I sopped up what I could with the paper towels, then made a solution of hot soapy water with Dawn detergent (thinking about the commercial, "It gets the grease out!") and I mopped 3 times.....but it was still slick.  I ran into the bathroom and took another quick shower......but I was able to skip moisturizing this time!!  Hey! At least there was ONE good outcome, right?? And I threw on some clothes that I didn't even have time to iron.  I had 25 minutes to make it to my office and get everything carried in.  I put the turkey back on the broiler pan, cleaned up the platter, put the turkey back on the platter and re-foil tented him again (although he wasn't nearly as pretty as he was the first time).  I very gingerly hefted his bulk out to the car and cried all the way on the drive in to work. 

It turned out that the turkey was carved and no one was the wiser.......the turkey still tasted like turkey.  The gravy was good...the stuffing was okay.  No....I wasn't wearing hose, heels and pearls like I'd planned.....and no....Norman Rockwell did NOT call and beg to paint our company portrait....but we did share a meal as friends and we were thankful to have jobs, to be of service to others and we were thankful for all our blessings.  I not only had a bite of cheesecake for dessert, I had a slice of humble pie as well.  My illusions of grandeur were shattered.....for sure. And today, I have limped around on a very sore and bruised hip.......but make no mistake.....I am very thankful, for I am very blessed.  Blessings shaken, pressed down and overflowing.  Overflowing like hot turkey drippings from a slick ceramic, tinfoil tented platter!!! 

What things are worth saving?

What is worth saving?  I'm about a stack of magazines short of becoming a hoarder....so this is something I must seriously ask myself. Pinterest hasn't helped my hoarding instincts either.  What??  You can make beautiful apothecary jars from old pickle jars?  Shut-up!  And save that pickle jar for me!!! Pendants from bottle caps?  I'm never throwing another bottle cap away!!! Paper Quill paintings from toilet paper tubes?  SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!!!  Stock pile those toilet paper tubes!!! And so it goes. 

I've always been a saver. Even as a small child, I had shoe-boxes full of "special rocks" and pine cones.  I could never bear to part with a toy....even when it was broken (especially after seeing Rudolph and the Island of Misfit Toys!)  I just felt so sorry for the broken toys!!  Books were like old friends.....I'd read and re-read them until the covers were ragged.  My Little Golden Books were my dearest friends! Old coloring books too.......I didn't want to lose the memories of all the fun I'd had coloring those pictures!  Broken crayons were kept in a giant cigar box.   As a teenager, I had a giant box under neath my bed.  Into that box went every movie ticket stub, every pep-rally ribbon, every straw-paper from every special date....dried corsage flowers, dance tickets, pictures of old boyfriends.....you get the idea. I had them until a few years after I got married.  I still have some of them....in my Senior Scrapbook.

When my own kids came along, it wasn't any better.  Okay.  It probably got worse.  Locks of hair from their first haircuts.  Baby teeth (Yes. I know it's gross....but I saved them too.) Hospital ID bracelets, birthday cards, baby booties, rattles....and then when they started to school....I kept all their art work, all their homework, their stories, notes sent home from the teacher, report cards and progress reports.....all tucked away into boxes.  In my attic right now, there is still a giant box of McDonald's Happy Meal toys.  I'm not kidding.  I'm not proud either.  But I'm not kidding.

When we'd go on vacation, my kids knew that it was Marshall Law that NOTHING was to be thrown away with my express consent.  Napkins, straw-papers, place mats, ticket stubs, brochures, theme park maps, tourist magazines, sea shells, even the barf-bags from the airplane.... all of these treasures got tucked into Mom's suitcase and would make their way home and got glued and/or taped onto the pages of my Vacation Scrapbooks.  Looking back, they ARE nice keepsakes.  But this begs the question.....HOW MANY keepsakes does one need? 

I'm not sorry I took tons of photographs of my kids as they grew up.  I'm not sorry I glued straw-wrappers and barf-bags into scrapbooks.  I'm not sorry I have drawers and drawers and shelves full of scrapbooks and photo albums.  I have well-documented our lives and I find immense comfort in spending a lonely rainy afternoon pouring over those scrapbooks and albums and remembering the happy things we've done over the years.  Especially now that my children are adults and have flown from my nest.

Maybe my "saving" tendencies grew from being raised by my grandparents, who had lived through the hard times of the Great Depression and saved quite literally EVERYTHING.  Zip-lock baggies got washed out and turned inside out over Mason Jars to dry and were reused until they literally lost their zip. Tin Foil was also washed, straightened out and dried and reused until it lost it's shape or crumbled into shiney bits. Butter tubs were our cereal dishes and what Mamaw would use to "put up the vittles" to save them in the fridge when we had left-overs. No Tupperware in our house....we re-used Butter and Cool Whip tubs until they were warped and stained orange on the inside (usually from spaghetti or vegetable soup).   My Mamaw would wash out the plastic bags that loaf bread came in and would save the twist-ties too and she would reuse them.  She was green before being green was cool!!!  She never let anything go to waste!!  We washed plastic forks and spoons and reused them too.  Gallon milk jugs were washed out and used to tote water down to the garden to water the tomatoes in the summer-time. Old panty-hose were used to shake Seiven Dust on the garden.  We even saved the grease from frying bacon and put it in  rendering pot to use to "season" our other food!  Wrapping paper was never ripped open at our house.  It was gently removed at the seams so as not to tear it, so it could be used to wrap another day.  Bows and ribbons the same.  I think we used the same Christmas bows for 20 years or more. We simply saved EVERYTHING.  It's not a bad mentality to have......you know, until the day you wake up and you have bread bags and tinfoil and stacks of magazines piled to the ceiling and you have a 1 foot X 1 foot pathway to walk through your house. 

I've seen those hoarder houses.  I've had patients in houses like that....houses where I had to squeeze down hallways piled up so high that the stuff just towered over me. It makes you think.  And you just know that there's NO WAY they will ever clear all that stuff out. Their kids will just have to torch the place to get rid of all of it some day.  Stacks of newspapers going back 50 years......stacks of magazines. Stacks of Cool Whip and butter bowls.  Boxes of Happy Meal toys from the late 1980's.

  When we moved from our house before this last one, our attic was filled with my old saved things. I managed to narrow over 100 boxes of stuff down to just about 10 boxes of stuff that I just couldn't part with.  I'm really trying to be more selective in what I want to keep.  I do have some of the kid's things that I will always want to keep.  Things like the Christening Gown that my Mamaw sewed for them.....I will not part with that until I have a grandchild and can pass it on .  Their baby blankets that she quilted for them.  I will save them until I am certain that my kids are responsible grown-ups who won't lose or squander them....then I will turn them over.  The keepsakes I have would most likely be considered JUNK to anyone else....things with little to no monetary value.....but to me, they are priceless treasures that I must save. 

So, what are things worth saving?  It's a matter of the heart.  One of my favorite Bible verses when my kids were little was the one about Mary....when the wise men came and when the shepherds came to worship her baby boy.....the Bible says that Mary "treasured these things and pondered them in her heart."   I'd almost be willing to bet that Mary had a little box hidden away...a little box with a lock of Jesus' baby curls, perhaps a bit of Frankincense and Myrrh too...and maybe a piece of lamb's wool dropped by one of the sheppherds, and perhaps a pretty rock that glittered in the moonlight that she picked up along the way the night they fled to Egypt..... little things that she saved and she probably pulled those things out on rainy, lonely afternoons when he'd grown up and moved away and she would look at them and ponder the special memories in her mother's heart.  I always identified with that verse in this way.   Yep.  Some things are just worth saving. 

Little Things I'm Thankful for...............

It's November.  Time for everybody to post their 30 days of Thankfulness on Facebook.  I love this time of year!!  Folks just feel more grateful for what they have when they consciously think about it and voice it.  I kept a journal of blessings once....and it truly is hard to be depressed when you realized how outright overwhelmed with blessings we are!  I wanted to do a 30 days of blessings post....but honestly.....I don't think I could keep up with it for 30 whole days....and we're going on vacation for a week and I would probably miss a few days here and there....so I think I want to just make my own list....all at one time.  And I don't know if I will list 30 things, 300 things or 30000 things or just a few things......I will just start being thankful and see where the gratitude takes me.  I don't want to belittle the HUGE blessings in my life......I'm quite OBVIOUSLY thankful for the big things: my Savior, my family, my health and home........but for this exercise, I'd like to focus on the little things....the blessings I take for granted day to day.

Things I'm thankful for:

The rich aroma of Coffee.  It smells even better than it tastes...which is MAGICAL.
My soft worn-out cotton nightgown.  Nothing feels as soft and comfortable.
Puppy dog kisses.
Fuzzy Socks. Pure bliss when my feets are chilly.
Freshly grated nutmeg. 
Dr. Pepper Bonne Bell Lip Smacker Lip balm.
Fires in fireplaces. So cozy.
Handmade Quilts.
Baby's cheeks.
Picnics.
Freshly washed sheets/linens.
Bubble Baths.
Drinking from a fancy glass.
Cotton Candy.
Those tiny shampoo and conditioner bottles in hotels.
Aprons. I feel so fancy and Donna-Reedish when I wear one!
Musicals.  Why can't we all know the lyrics and dance steps and break into song in real life?
Little bitty girls in tutus.
Homemade ice cream.
Gingham table cloths.
Hayrides.
A cup of Earl Grey with cream and a Scone.
Windy Days.
Good Books.
Puns.  I do love a good pun. 
Magic Markers!
A hot shower on a chilly morning.
Holding Hands.
Antique Stores.  I love imagining who owned the vintage items before and how they lived.
Music and the emotion it invokes and the way it can set a mood with just a few notes.
Birds feasting at my bird feeders.
Candlelight.
Cheesy Nachos.
Feeling proud of my children.
Hugs.
Getting a letter or card in the mail.
Vintage hats. 
Sleeping Late.
Maps.  I've always enjoyed looking at maps and dreaming of new places to see.
Seashells.
Long Chats with friends.
A new box of crayons....the colors, the possibilities, the smell...a box of crayons is pure delight!
Having someone wash my hair.
Clothing in smaller sizes!
Motorcycle rides with my husband.
The thrill of performing on stage.  It's been a while, but I know I'd still love it.
The feeling I get when I help someone else.
Cracking the top on a creme brulee!
Relaxing in the dark with the glow of Christmas Tree lights.
Worshiping with abandon....hands lifted high, tears running down my cheeks and a smile on my face.
Snuggling.
A cool breeze on a sweltering day.
Early morning.....when the sky is on fire with the promise of a new day.
Herb Gardens.
Painting.
Shooting Stars.
Old barns.
Crisp, cold mornings when you can see your breath when you talk.
The smell of bacon frying.
Lakes with water so smooth they look like mirrors.
Autumn leaves.
When someone "likes" my status updates on FaceBook.
When my husband smiles at me.
When my kids call me...just to say "I love you"  because they miss me.
Going on trips....anticipating the journey and the new experiences.
Lace.
Taking pictures with a camera. It just seems like magic to me.
Seeing horses running in a field.  Such magnificent creatures!
Watermelon with just a pinch of salt.
Teapots. Teacups. Dainty napkins.
Men who act like gentlemen.
Pearls.
Biscotti.  Cookies are just more fun when you can dunk 'em!
Home-grown Tomatoes....so fresh off the vine that they are still warm from the sunshine.
T-shirts.  Comfy, practical and fun.
Trees.  I love trees. 
Caramel.  It's ooey-gooey and so delicious! Even more thankful for SALTED caramel!
Rocking chairs.  Soothing, relaxing, rhythmic rocking. When I feel bad or upset, it's just the thing.
Laughter. 
Christmas Carols.  I'd listen year round if it wouldn't drive my poor husband insane. (It would.)
Dog clothes.  I know it's silly....but dog clothes make me happy.
Afternoon naps.
Cooking.  It gives me great satisfaction to cook for people and for them to enjoy what I've made.
Mason jars. 
The sound of crickets at night.
Pencils.  I love a good No 2 Pencil with a sharp lead and a new eraser!
Pedicures.  I like having pretty toes!
Crossword puzzles.  Probably because I'm a word-nerd.
Shopping for bargains.  I love a good deal.
My faith. I can't imagine my life without my relationship with Jesus.
Daydreams and wishes.
The joy of surprises.
Roses and Daffodils.
Making other people smile.
Touch.  So much can be conveyed just with a simple touch.
Butterflies.
Rainy Days and Sunny Days.  Each one makes the other more special.
Dusk...right before it gets dark. My favorite time of day.
Time spent with friends.
Foggy mornings.
A full moon in a starlit sky.
Popcorn!
Cartoons.
Mountains.  O, how I missed them when we moved out to Texas.
A simple piece of buttered toast.
Tangy margaritas with a salty rim...served with chips and salsa!
Parodies.  I so love a good laugh.
When someone tells me that I've done a good job.
Glass bottles.  I have a thing for glass bottles. I have tons of them!
School supplies.
Glitter.
Cookbooks.
Antique fans.
A chilled glass of white wine and some cheese, olives, fruit and good crusty artisan bread.
Pinterest. Because who ISN'T thankful for so many ideas in one place?
The "Touch-Up" setting on my dryer.  Because ironing all my clothes is just too hard.
Having friends over for dinner.
Pumpkins.....I just love big, fat orange pumpkins.
Comedies.  I like to laugh.
Shopping at Hobby Lobby.  I could spend hours in there.
Anticipation.
Christmas...the whole season.
Iced Tea.  Because I'm truly a girl from the South.
Rice Krispie Treats.  Still a favorite.
Slow dancing.
Kissing.
Praying with my husband.
Contentment.
Onion Rings.
Running barefoot thru the soft new grass in the springtime.
Strawberries.
Big Band Music.  It just sounds so happy.
Being silly. Giggles. Gaffaws. Belly Laughs.
Dolphins.
Dreams.
Teddy Bears and Baby Dolls.
Goats. I love to watch goats frolic and play.  They are just so funny!
Nativity sets.
A beautifully set tablescape.
Buttons.  Jars full of buttons.
Blue Kool-Aid that looks like Windex in your glass.
Pumpkin-Spice Lattes.
Peanut butter cookies with the fork-tine marks on top.
Indoor plumbing.  (It's a no-brainer; something I take for granted, but am VERY thankful for!)
Tiramisu
French Toast on a Sunday morning.
Lanterns.
Moss on rocks.
Pink lemonade.
Being called Mommy.
Peanuts cartoons.
Claw foot bathtubs.
Cupcakes.
Arched doorways.
The sound of raindrops on a tin roof.
Misty mornings and frosty fields.
Rock Walls.
Ivy.
Bed and Breakfast weekends.
Porch Swings.
Marigolds.
Topiary.
Snowmen.
Clothespins.
Splashing in puddles.
Ice skating.
Sidewalk Cafes.
Handmade soaps.
Fluffy clouds.
Dollhouse furniture.
Christmas Ornaments and cookie exchange parties!
Strawberry Shortcake.
The way babies smell.
Watercolor paintings.
Hawaiian Tropic Suntan Oil.
Libraries.
Smores.
Ramekins.
Cowgirl Boots.
Memories.
Moonpies.
Waterfalls.
Fairy Gardens.
Carousels.
Kitchen-Aid Mixer.
Guacamole.
Hammocks.
Umbrellas.  Paper Umbrellas for drinks. Patio Umbrellas for picnics.
Duct tape.
Lunch boxes.
Walking in the moonlight.
Sweater-Weather.
Slumber Parties....giggling all night, sharing secrets and eating junk food.
Date night.
Rubber stamp sets.
Bento boxes.
Wine Bottle Corks.
A clean house that smells like Pine Sol and Lemon-Fresh Pledge.
Tomato Soup and a Grilled Cheese Sammich
Coming home to a yummy supper in the crock pot.
Fireworks in a Summer Sky.
The pops and cracks that a vinyl record makes.  Just adds to the music for me.
Cheesy Hallmark Channel Chick-movies.  The cheesier, the better.
Thai tea.
The way kittens "make biscuits" with their paws. So cute!
Scooby Doo.
Having someone wash my car (one of my least favorite tasks).
Long car trips with my husband. Best time to talk and laugh and share with each other.
That shag carpet and wild wall paper is no longer in style.
Spanish Moss that hangs low from trees.
Fairy Tales.
Tacky tourist photo ops with the cuts outs to stick your face in for a dumb picture.  What fun!
The Food Network!
Arbors, Pergolas, Lanais, Patios, Porches.....
Mexican Food.  I think I could eat Mexican food every day and be happy about it.
Hearing from old friends.
Sitting by the fire.
Crossstitching.
Laughter.
Having lotion rubbed on dry skin....so soothing!
Being able to cook a meal for someone and have them enjoy it.
Making New Years resolutions....a fresh new start!  A do-over.
Serving Dishes, china, old glass dishes and plates. I love kitchen-ware!
Seeing clothes drying on a clothes line. 
Sunrise, when the sky is blood-orange and the dew is still on the grass and the birds start to sing.
Cows in the field, chewing their cud.
Old Ladders.
Being tickled.
Knowing what my husband is thinking and we both smile because he knows that I know.
Packing my suitcase for a trip.
Family reunions.
The way water ripples when you toss a stone in.